DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

Oh how heartbreaking for your Ds, (and you) l understand as DD has had guinea pigs and l was always so worried when friends wanted to hold them...some kids are not calm at handling animals and it is hard to know whether or not to let them..
Fwiw you did nothing wrong and could not have predicted how this boy would react to a nip. He does sound unkind though.
I would let your DS decide whether or not to see this boy again and just support him without question, otherwise you are invalidating his feelings about a loved pet being killed.
It is a very sad harsh lesson for your poor DS to not trust others with pets regardless of how much they want to hold them.
If he doesnt want to see the boy again so be it, just explain to the mother it is too painful.

Also it may help to hold a little burial for his hamster, we have always done this with pets, made a box and buried them in a spot in the garden with a prayer...it seems to help everyone get over the sadness.

So sorry op.

How very strange that you see that as totally normal behavior. FFS

This is utter nonsense. The reflex response to pain is to move your hand away from the pain.

If you put your hand into boiling water, the reflex response is to pull your hand away.

If you get bitten by an animal, the reflex response is to pull your hand away from the animal, or to drop the animal.

Throwing an animal in response to being bitten is NOT a reflex response. Doing so means consciously holding the animal for longer than is necessary. This would not be possible with a reflex response.

Aquamarine1029 · Yesterday 15:36
That's horrifying. Have you told the boy's parents what he did? I would never have that child around mine ever again.”

To be fair, hamster bites are surprisingly painful and I could imagine someone reacting without thinking.
However, as others have said, the child’s reaction is telling.
Your poor boy.

“He was sitting down, hamster nipped him, he stood up and flung his arm wide and she flew off and hit the floor.”

There are some very different interpretations of what this means.

But the OP said the hamster didn’t even draw blood so it’s unlikely that the bite was that sharp or that attached.

There is a basic lack of empathy and manners here, shown clearly after the ‘accident’. OP’s son, despite his young age, seems to recognise this and well done to him. Whatever happened exactly with the supposed ‘nip’ and the reaction (which sounds far more than a startle reflex considering there wasn’t even a mark left and, yes, I have experienced hamster bites), the swearing as the pet was injured and dying and the lack of remorse are really worrying. A loved pet is not something that you replace for a tenner. As a parent I would have been devastated at a child of mine behaving in that way - and worried for the effects on OP’s son. I would be reaching out to check on this and on how he was feeling. The disingenuous and facile question about whether the boy’s mother should have ‘erected a statue’ skirts around the fact that there is some really vile behaviour going on here , and a history of aggression.

‘The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. I hold that the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.’ Ghandi. So perhaps what she could have done is taught her child empathy.

Again, the reflex response, which is to immediately pull your hand away from pain, would not allow anyone the time to stand up first.

Definitely all this. I can’t believe the minimisation on this thread of what happened to an innocent animal and the effect on OPs lovely boy

You're a strange one.

What do you mean by “they are 11”?!!
11 isn’t a young child ffs!!! Why do people expect so little of children?
My children’s hamster occasionally nipped if scared and they wouldn’t dream of being so aggressive to a small creature.
I wouldn’t expect my flippin 5 year old to chuck a live animal across a room because it gave them a nip. Your dc is completely within their rights to never see this horrid child again. I wouldn’t have them back in my house. What is wrong with some kids?!!!

Well your kids seem odd to be quite honest. I can only assume they were upset but you were not aware of their emotions. Normal well adjusted children mourn the loss of a pet.

No, I didn’t expect the DM to offer to erect a statue, obviously 🙄 But I can admit to being hurt by the immediate “can we buy another one” like her DS had spilt my can of coke.

I can also see that some people see a hamster as a rodent and not worthy of the love and respect other animals are afforded. But to us she was important and she died in pain which be is something that will stay with DS.

The child is clear a psychopath.

Don't let them near your family again.

Ithink this is why PP are asking how did hamster die - just head injuries or neck also?

@ChedderGorgeous the only PP asking this ridiculous question is you

Yes.

He's 11 with anger issues. Doesn't bode well.

What are your qualifications for that diagnosis ? It's not clear so far if child had a startled reflex to the bite or a deliberate act. @HamsterAccident can you help ? What did you observe to happen ? Do you think it was a vengeful throw or reaction to the bite ?

You'd drop the poker, not fling it. Plus - as I think you've missed - the boy was not 6 years old: he was Year 6 (11 years old).

”I can also see that some people see a hamster as a rodent”

Well…it is.

An eleven year old is old enough to know not to throw a hamster across a room. Drop it maybe, throw it absolutely not. Anger issues - not good. No remorse and defending his actions when the hamster is injured - big red flags. OP I would keep my child away from this boy. My ten year old was nipped by our brand new hamster the day after we got it. It drew blood. DS response was shock but he managed to gently put the hamster back in her cage. Then he cried, then he said it was probably that she was most likely scared of him. Poles apart from what you are describing.

I'd say that there's quite a difference between a violent death and dying of old age.

I would let the friendship end. This is a child who reacts violently, and has no empathy. His mother seems to be oblivious to it too.
It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t premeditated cruelty, but it wasn’t an accident.
I would have been devastated if one of my beloved pets had been treated that way, and I would have been incredibly hurt at the offer of a replacement.

Are you the little creep’s mum? 🤔

@ChedderGorgeous What are your qualifications for that diagnosis ?

Yeah, you're right, we don't have qualifications to diagnose people with any kind of psychiatric disorder. So when it comes to people who abuse animals, those who bully, and those who attack other people, I guess they should all just be given a free pass solely because we can't diagnose them with anything.

Offering to buy another one sounds like one of the few things she can actually do…and hamsters are rodents, it doesn’t mean they’re not commodified as pets.

I presume you will do what you can as a parent to ensure her painful death is not something that stays w your DS for too long? And maybe consider if it was really a good idea to have the poor animal touched by a stranger?