DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

The hamster showed significantly more restraint and proportionality than the 11 year old human. She could've easily bitten right through his finger and drawn blood, but instead she held back, and gave a harmless warning nip. Those who would fling and kill a tiny animal in response to a bloodless nip could learn something from this hamster about tempering their fear reactions.

I could understand a child that age who is not used to handling animals having such a reaction. However, the lack of remorse is really disturbing. It's hard when your kid struggles to make friends, but no friends is better than friends who aren't really your friends and treat you badly. I'm so sorry for your poor DS and hamster.

Little Ted Bundy in the making there 😬

No, but was that an answer to the question?

If the question was ‘what should the boy’s mother have done?’ It has been answered already. Taught - and shown- some empathy. See above. Although it is hard to do, admittedly, if the case is she doesn’t really experience it herself. Perhaps she struggles with this. All the more reason that this ‘friendship’ is likely not a healthy one. As an aside, empathy towards the OP in this thread would not go amiss either.

It’s. A. Hamster.
I don’t know how some of you manage to get through each day.

He wasn't 6 he is 11.

I had hamsters from about 5 years old and had the occasional nip. Never killed any of them. Never killed the sharp toothed puppies that nipped either.

@Bellsandthistle - some of us manage to get through life and still have consideration for all living beings! You sound cold and heartless, how do you manage?

Yes it WAS a hamster (past tense). And, importantly, the behaviour of the boy and the lack of concern shown by his mother are troubling and callous and have caused OP and her son, especially, upset.
I get through the day by multi-tasking and find I’m able to both function and show basic manners and empathy. Lucky me ☺️

I misread as 6, which was upsetting enough, but 11?!? Should have known the result of throwing the hamster, and not being upset he killed someone's pet is not a normal reaction.

It must be difficult for you son not having a lot of friends, and worrying for you, but if he chooses being on his own over a having a friend with no compassion, I'd say he's making a good choice. Maybe he'll make more friends st secondary?

Just wondering where on the scale of all living things you would start to care about a creature? How big do they have to be? How cute do they have to be?

Just because a little hamster isn't, in some people's eyes, as cute and cuddly as some other animals doesn't mean they are of less value

I personally cannot cope with snakes and don't like being anywhere near them. But I fully understand and appreciate that some people do and would never downplay the care they give them and the genuine affection they feel for them

Please show a little more respect for those who do care . . . . .

How incredibly callous! a) it's a living creature that died a violent death that, given that it didn't die immediately, very likely means it suffered. b) it's a child's pet that he had bonded with and loved. What is wrong with you?!

I think she should have made her son apologise to the OP's son, and expressed her own regret to the OP for the actions of her son and the distress that they caused her child and her, and anyone else in the family that was affected.

I was about 11 when my guinea pig died and I can still remember how upset I was more than 50 years later. He died of natural causes and it was expected, but if someone else had caused it, I would have been inconsolable.

To just offer to replace it as if it was a toy that had been broken shows to me that the mother is seriously lacking in emotional intelligence.

How is your DS today, OP?

It’s. A. Hamster.
I don’t know how some of you manage to get through each day.

Do you kill small animals on a regular basis? Because for most of, we get on with our day just fine, this isn't something that happens every day. Buy you do you.

Ok the one hand, I can't imagine being emotionally attached to a hamster that doesn't reciprocate affection and isn't very expressive. On the other hand, I'm not a monster who thinks killing an animal is just fine because 'it's. A. Hamster.'.

Missing the point. Spectacularly.

I totally agree with @SpicyMoth that the normal reaction is to withdraw, and not extend, when hurt or shocked.

WHY are people still making excuses for this awful behaviour?

Dismissive, condescending questions don’t deserve an answer.

But it was also a pet animal, which OP's son presumably loved and cared about. What's your hierarchy for the size of animal at which grief on loss is acceptable? Rabbits? Cats? A dog?

The species of animal is irrelevant, the poor lad could have been just as upset if the other boy had stomped on his stick insect or giant pet spider.

Am crying 🤣

It's. A. Much. Loved. Pet. Which part of that don't you understand? Killed in front of its owner. Good grief.

OP that's horrific for both the hamster and your son, I'm so sorry that happened and so sorry your son witnessed it. Pets are part of the family and he must be heartbroken. The lack of remorse from the boy is a rather large red flag to me and I would be removing him from my son's life.

That's a good way of letting us know that people should avoid you, without explicitly telling us that people should avoid you.

2 points;
One, with your hot poker example, a drop is not a fling or a throw.
Two, the boys are not 6, they're 11.