AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

[Oliverlouise81]

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

Why though? What has he done wrong? Is this a regular thing? Does he get argumentative? Wet himself? He didn't stumble in and wake you, he slept downstairs. I don't see the problem tbh.

Is he totally useless today? If so, I get your anger.

As long as he didn't vomit or was incontinent and there's no other backstory, it's not really crime of the century. He's home, he'll have one heck of a hangover to take full advantage of !!!!

Yes this, if it causes and actual problem deal with that but this treating him like your his mother is odd

I would find it too patronising to wake up and be told I should apologise. If he did apologise then it probably won't have been genuine, he would have just said sorry to save the Afro. He may have apologised if you gave him a chance, and it may have been a more genuine exchange then. Your way sounds like the perfect way to start an argument to be honest. As a grown adult I would really resent that as a wake up

Sounds like he has a good time and you want to ruin it.

Wouldn't have been genuine ^ not 'won't'

Was it 3am GMT so actually 4am in practical terms this morning?

If he doesn’t do it that often, it should be fine. Lots of people like a good night out that involves crashing on the sofa occasionally, and just because you don’t like it you don’t have the right to control his normal behaviour.

If it’s regularly happening, then the consequences would cause a genuine problem, but there really isn’t a problem if it’s occasional except if you choose to make it one.

Sounds like he went out, had a good night and came home without disturbing anyone?
Unless you produce a massive drip feed I can't see what you want an apology for.

Agro! Not Afro

I don't understand why he has to apologise. He's an adult. Does he have a curfew?

I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to take the piss if he has a hangover though!

As long as you're allowed to do the same while he looks after DD, that's fair enough. Arrange a night out, tell DH he's looking after DD, and crack on.

Ignore all the cool wives.

The fact he is being an arse about it (as opposed to apologising for getting carried away, as it doesnt sound like you expected him to be out for so long?) and trying to turn it around on you isn't acceptable.

I assume rolling in at 3am will render him somewhere between belligerent and absolutely useless for the rest of the day?

Selfish men be selfish men.

As long as it’s not every weekend I wouldn’t care.

He's had a night out and by all accounts has just come in and gone to sleep. Why would apologise for that? Unless there's some drip feed that he came in called you a cunt, tried to throttle you, shit himself and projectile vomited over your new sofa?

The OP clearly says she finds this behaviour (rolling in at 3am, completely pissed) upsetting and her DH will know this. But did it anyway. And didn't apologise.

Being pass out drunk is a horrible turn off.

I would be furious. Does he have no self control?

I really don't see the issue as a one off.

Like a PP, I wouldn't want to be made to apologise because I went out with my friends and came in late once in a while either.

Why do you find ‘this behaviour upsetting’?

I don’t see the issue really, he’s had an night out, come home and slept downstairs so not to disturb you?

You have a very low bar if this is the only behaviour that is unacceptable!!

You do realise that using the term 'cool wives' is incredibly insulting and demeaning? Women are allowed different opinions to you and different boundaries without being insulted. You're basically saying that if people don't conform to your way of thinking then they're either wrong or liars.

I also don’t see the problem, unless there’s a drip feed coming. He went out, go pissed, came home and slept downstairs. If this is not a common occurrence then it’s fine (and presumably you get to go out occasionally too). Unclench ffs.

Why can't you express your opinion without belittling women who have different feelings to you?

Having to deal with someone fall down drunk (and the ensuing hangover) is fucking horrible and can be incredibly frightening and upsetting. Why is that so hard to understand?