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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

205 replies

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 11:39

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

OP posts:
Mummame2222 · 31/03/2024 12:17

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

Are you always this controlling? It’s not really your call is it.

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 31/03/2024 12:17

Doesn’t sound like he was much interested in today’s Easter plans if he got in that state

Mumtoboys82 · 31/03/2024 12:17

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:14

She said in her title he was "dead drunk"

She said in her first post instead of apologising he's started on about her and her "bad habits"

She said in a subsequent post he's too hungover to have the day they planned.

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TBH if my DP criticized me for something that everyone does once in a while I'd get a bit narky too.

If it was my DP I'd take him a cuppa and two nurofen, tell him to go and have a shower and get on with the day.

Mummame2222 · 31/03/2024 12:18

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:00

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

Edited

You’re being very unreasonable. And controlling. If he’s not doing this every weekend I think you need to let it go. If you’ve e kicked off you probably need to apologise to him imo.

Universalsnail · 31/03/2024 12:18

I don't think he's done anything wrong and so I don't think he needs to apologise to you. Yabu

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:19

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 12:16

Thank you.

I really appreciate this.

Your patronising post is really helping me heal.

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👍🏻

Maybe consider making your own thread and get some specific advice instead of derailing this one?

FrenchandSaunders · 31/03/2024 12:22

What had you planned for today? Is he not able to do it now?

CinnamonJellyBeans · 31/03/2024 12:22

When mine comes home shitfaced, I do a mild pisstake, offer food and let him sleep it off.

Then he has to punish himself...

Washing done, garden mowed, "can you just get this off amazon for me?" paid for, take this up to the attic please...

Win, win

Pinkdelight3 · 31/03/2024 12:33

What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

Which is relevant because you do things that he objects to, why does he have to get berated and apologise when you don't?

I'd get the need for an apology more if he had pissed in the wrong place as per your dripfeed, but the fact is that he didn't this time, he came in and slept downstairs so's not to disturb you, so I don't see why it warrants an apology. As for Easter plans, unless they were something fixed and paid for, then an adult can change their minds and be spontaneous on a bank holiday w/e surely. As long as you can please yourself too, it shouldn't be a big deal that he's meant to do penance for and I can see why that would irritate him.

Mimimimi1234 · 31/03/2024 12:37

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/03/2024 12:17

Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

I don’t think it’s an extreme reaction. I loathe being around people who are very inebriated. Would go to the ends of the earth to avoid them and would be repelled if my partner did this regularly.

The point is though that you can’t control another human being’s actions and if you dislike it that much (and I would), you have to leave as opposed to expecting to change them.

Do you not think that adults are allowed a night out? Some people like a drink. I come from a boozy family and noone is an alcoholic but we all like a drink. I wouldnt put a curfue on my partner, a limit on the amount he drinks and I would not be upset if he slept on a bean bag. I find that really odd unless you have past trauma with alcohol in your family which then of course the partner would be aware of this but then also, should not have to live their entire lives a certain way because of it. I think trying to control your partner like this is a sure fire way to ultimately end your relationship

Busybee44 · 31/03/2024 12:39

Sorry im with him, he hasnt done anything wrong!

DragonFly98 · 31/03/2024 12:40

XiCi · 31/03/2024 12:06

Having an occasional night out with friends and falling asleep is not shitty behaviour. Everyone has a blowout now and again. The usual response is to make your partner a cup of tea the next morning and have a bit of a laugh about it. Standing over someone demanding an apology, now that is shitty behaviour

Show quote history

Not pass the age of 25 they don't. Getting that drunk as an not a young adult is not normal behaviour.

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2024 12:42

I loathe it when my DH gets very drunk - which isn’t very often, and he’s a ‘happy drunk’ - but I’d never expect him to apologise.
Instead, I get up super early, find that the whole house needs vacuuming whilst I play loud music and when the DC were little, would nip out to the shops early on and leave them with him. Funnily, he’s not been drunk for years!

TTPD · 31/03/2024 12:42

I don't drink, and normally have very little time for the stories on here about husbands rolling in drunk and vomiting everywhere.
But it doesn't sound like he did anything beyond just being drunk? I wouldn't appreciate being asked to apologise for that.

Hermittrismegistus · 31/03/2024 12:44

Soontobe60 · 31/03/2024 12:42

I loathe it when my DH gets very drunk - which isn’t very often, and he’s a ‘happy drunk’ - but I’d never expect him to apologise.
Instead, I get up super early, find that the whole house needs vacuuming whilst I play loud music and when the DC were little, would nip out to the shops early on and leave them with him. Funnily, he’s not been drunk for years!

That's quite a nasty thing to do.

totallybonkerswarning · 31/03/2024 12:44

SevenSeasOfRhye · 31/03/2024 11:45

Was it 3am GMT so actually 4am in practical terms this morning?

Hahaha, get over to pedants corner you 🤣

bostonchamps · 31/03/2024 12:44

@DragonFly98 I'm 33 and had a blow out last night, I had a wonderful time with my friends and lots of wine. Congratulations on being a better person than I am I guess?

Prinnny · 31/03/2024 12:46

DragonFly98 · 31/03/2024 12:40

Not pass the age of 25 they don't. Getting that drunk as an not a young adult is not normal behaviour.

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You can’t be serious, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever read 🤣🤣🤣

totallybonkerswarning · 31/03/2024 12:54

DragonFly98 · 31/03/2024 12:40

Not pass the age of 25 they don't. Getting that drunk as an not a young adult is not normal behaviour.

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It's definitely normal for a lot of people.

IWasAimingForTheSky · 31/03/2024 12:56

Crunchymum · 31/03/2024 11:56

Having to deal with someone fall down drunk (and the ensuing hangover) is fucking horrible and can be incredibly frightening and upsetting. Why is that so hard to understand?

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With respect. Unless he's abusive, dealing with someone who gets drunk and falls over is not that deep.

IWasAimingForTheSky · 31/03/2024 12:56

Op you are not his mother and no he doesn't need to apologise.

IWasAimingForTheSky · 31/03/2024 12:57

@Soontobe60

I went out with the girls last night and had a lovely time and DH spiteful spoiled my lie in. Aibu?

Still okay?

Mimimimi1234 · 31/03/2024 12:57

DragonFly98 · 31/03/2024 12:40

Not pass the age of 25 they don't. Getting that drunk as an not a young adult is not normal behaviour.

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It is totally normal. I have a very wide friendship group and a large family, all successful adults with happy family lives and I dont know one person who doesnt like a big drink up and staying out late once in a while, except for those with medical conditions. My nan and aunty went to their villa in spain and there is a hilarious story about them getting so drunk they rolled into a bush together. Life would be less fun without these stories.

Original poster
Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:57

IWasAimingForTheSky · 31/03/2024 12:56

Op you are not his mother and no he doesn't need to apologise.

For doing something he knows I find upsetting and offensive?

OP posts:
IWasAimingForTheSky · 31/03/2024 12:58

Oliverlouise81 · 31/03/2024 12:57

For doing something he knows I find upsetting and offensive?

Show quote history

You find it offensive and upsetting that he gets drunk? Why?