AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

[Oliverlouise81]

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

I mean, its not great behaviour but I suppose it depends on a few things.

Was he up to anything illegal/ immoral? Was he violent or dangerous? Was he sick? Has he had to waste the day just sat around recovering? Is this a regular occurrence?

I think if he goes out very occasionally and has too much to drink but does no real harm, you can't really be too harsh about it. Not ideal for sure and you'd like to think he had more sense than to get totally wasted but we've all been there 🤷🏼‍♀️

Exactly, id only be upset and frightened if he was angry or violent / breaking stuff.............

The OP used the term upsetting.

I used the term frightening in reply to another poster who asked why the OP could find it upsetting to illustrate that not everyone has good experiences around drunks?

I was making a more general observation and not being specific to the OP. Hope that clears things up?

I don't understand why you think it is undignified or selfish or boring. Do you hold some sort of qualification in dignified behaviour? Selfish? Who does it affect? Boring? Have you not ever had a fun night out drinking with friends?

Agree, some people don't like getting 'bladdered' and its no fun to them, but it is fun to others. What do you do for fun? maybe some will think that is boring a and selfish and undignified.
I didn't know you werent allowed to get drunk once you have small children, missed that at the nct classes.

Well with all this talk of alcohol I think it’s time to open the wine, cheers to all the other immature, boring, selfish undignified drinkers 🤣🥂🍻

You forgot waste of space and frightening!

a friend’s boyfriend did this 😂 whenever he got roaring he’d think her wardrobe door was the loo door and piss all over her clothes.

it cost him A LOT in dry cleaning 😂😂😂

@Mimimimi1234

I don't understand why you think it is undignified or selfish or boring. Do you hold some sort of qualification in dignified behaviour? Selfish? Who does it affect? Boring? Have you not ever had a fun night out drinking with friends?

I dislike being around drunk people, what can I say? I do think adults who loose control of their physical faculties and self awareness due to alcohol are undignified. The dignity of being a human being is inherent in self control and mastery over yourself.

Drunks lose self awareness and the ability to read other people and think their shouted observations and clownish behaviour are fascinating when they are actually deeply tedious.

Selfish: in this case it’s selfish if you know the person closest to you hates it.

Yeah I have had many drunken nights out when younger and it is a good laugh but it’s not fucking fun to be a kid watching an inebriated parent.

Look I don’t know why you care so much what I think. I wouldn’t presume to tell the OP’s other half what to do. I have been very clear that I would leave rather than nah or impose rules. But I have every right in the world not to enjoy being around pissed people. I’m not sure why people are arguing that I am being unreasonable in choosing to avoid being exposed to drunkenness?

Also says he did this while they were dating so it can't have been a total turnoff. Couldn't see myself continuing to date if he had behaviour I found so upsetting.

I think it is abundantly clear that you have trauma around drunk people which is absolutely fair.
What is disingenuous is pretending there's not a difference between people who feel like that and the others who are simply being nasty for the sake of it.

Omg get your tin hat on girl

No, he shouldn’t have to apologise for going out and having fun. He’s not done anything wrong. Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it’s something he needs to say sorry to you for.

So he can’t have a night out and a few too many like almost anyone has done at least once? She has already acknowledged he used to it more and now it’s rare. I honestly don’t see the big issue. If he’d come in and puked everywhere then expected it cleared up she may have a point but clearly not the case.

Did you not know? Several pp have never done it as they're not selfish, boring , a waste of space.

:)

I would let him crack on, his Liver will pack up and then you'll be free.

I’m pretty boring to be fair 😂

Fs now I want a prosecco😭

Hardly funny but you do you.

You find it upsetting and offensive, however he didn't do anything wrong.

He would literally be apologising for you not liking what he did?

The reason I responded to ypur post is you reaponded to mine by saying anyone that likes to drink is selfish, boring and undignified. I disagree with you, anyway, it takes all sorts to make the world go round and we can disagree. And noone is suggesting being completely drunk around your kids and having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is a good idea.

'My wife goes out with her friends. I don't like it. I've told her she's not to do it and she does. She won't apologise. Aibu?'

......

I concede that it can be those things, but it doesn't sound as though that was the case here. He came home pissed and slept downstairs on a beanbag. He wasn't abusively ranty (my ex) or physically aggressive (late DP's ex), he was just pissed and crashed out.

I really don't see what he has to apologise for, tbh. He should make sure it doesn't mean changing any plans made for today though, that would be very bad form. He needs to rise above his hangover!

Non-drinkers: don't worry your husband will die soon

Also Non-drinkers: Drinkers are such horrible wastes of space, nasty, selfish, undignified, frightening people.

Lol