AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

[Oliverlouise81]

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

OP I would only have a problem with this behaviour if it affected the next day for the family ie he's too tired/hungover that it ruins today or he completely detaches from family life and leaves you to do everything alone, or if he has vomited/pissed everywhere and you have to clean it up etc.

Providing he is just in dire need of a few coffees, a couple of paracetamol and a bacon sarnie to get him back on track, then really I don't see the harm

What’s wrong with it occasionally? As long as you also get it do your choice of fun thing alone. Honestly, stop being so controlling. He didn’t vomit all over the floor, he didn’t piss the bed, he didn’t break a window to get in. He just went out a blew off steam by getting a bit drunk. It’s something adults are allowed to do and we’ve almost all done it.

His child was safe, secure and taken care of by the other parent. He doesnt do it often. You get your own time to do fun stuff?

Just back off.

So? The op finds rolling into the the house at 3am after having a nice time upsetting then the solution is that the OP should, herself, refrain from that behaviour.

Oh dont be so stupid. It was obviously a tongue in cheek comment

YABU.

I'm not a party animal, he is more extrovert and I've no problem with him going out without me.
I do have a problem with him being dead drunk. In the past he's come home so wankered that twice he peed in the wrong place because he didn't know where the bathroom was. He'd also been talking about having a nice Easter day together and now we're wasting half of it while he nurses a hangover.

I’m with you OP I find excessive drunkenness undignified and unattractive. I think doing it regularly when you have small kids is self indulgent and selfish and sets a poor example.

But the thing is you can’t control what another human being does. You have the choice as to whether to tolerate it or not. If it bothers you that much (and I wouldn’t blame you), call time on the relationship.

YABU as he is an adult and as long as his drinking is not causing an issue like he is aggressive or has a drink problem how much he drinks on his odd night out as a grown adult man is really up to him. You are being controlling and acting like his mum.

Don't call me stupid.

There are so many apologists for shitty male behaviour on MN, your "tongue in cheek" comment really isn't clever or funny.

Why the drip feed? Why not post these legitimate concerns in your op?

YANBU. It's tiresome and unattractive. Yes he's an adult and can make his own choices but the consequences are that his wife is irritated and inconvenienced.

Give over. Cool wives.

Do you not drink OP? It sounds like you weren’t happy with him going out in the first place. As PPs have said as long as he’s not nasty and violent when drunk let him crack on

Having an occasional night out with friends and falling asleep is not shitty behaviour. Everyone has a blowout now and again. The usual response is to make your partner a cup of tea the next morning and have a bit of a laugh about it. Standing over someone demanding an apology, now that is shitty behaviour

You should have included that in your opening post.

However I wouldn't accept being hungover as a reason to opt out of Easter. He needs to have a shower, take some paracetamol and get on with it.

Apologise for what?

‘Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

As long as he has not vomited or pissed somewhere he shouldn’t I’d let it go.

Where did OP say she had to deal with him fall down drunk? He came in and went to sleep on the beanbag. I'd my happier that my DP did that than brought his beer breath into bed 😂And why would you find someone else's hangover frightening and upsetting?

You really cannot understand how some people have had difficult experiences with someone who has been very drunk?

What? You would honestly end a relationship because your other had a few too many on a night out, came home safely and quietly and went to sleep downstairs?

She said in her title he was "dead drunk"

She said in her first post instead of apologising he's started on about her and her "bad habits"

She said in a subsequent post he's too hungover to have the day they planned.

Sounds like you are massively projecting your own issues onto this thread. I hope you can heal from whatever has triggered you like this.

Thank you.

I really appreciate this.

Your patronising post is really helping me heal.

Frightening and upsetting’ and ’Fucking horrible’ are quite an extreme reaction to your husband coming home pissed. Are you usually so melodramatic or is just for Easter?

I don’t think it’s an extreme reaction. I loathe being around people who are very inebriated. Would go to the ends of the earth to avoid them and would be repelled if my partner did this regularly.

The point is though that you can’t control another human being’s actions and if you dislike it that much (and I would), you have to leave as opposed to expecting to change them.