AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

[Oliverlouise81]

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

This.

I'd be interested to see if the PPs can find a single post by any of us 'waste of spaces' where we've used one insulting word. I can find many from them.

Op's post:
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all.
So when you were dating did you tell him you didn't like it and he agreed no to get so drunk anymore? Or did you married/have a child with him knowing this was a big thing for you and expect him to change who he was without discussion just because its something you don't like (and would you stop doing all the things he mentioned too?)

[FYI I'm in the.. what you described isno big deal/ok to occasionally get drink post 25 gang ... (& my DP falls asleep on the downstairs toilet rather than a beanbag when very drunk)]

YABVU to have an issue with him getting drunk. That's ridiculous. And to be "offended" is ridiculous.

YANBU to be annoyed that his hangover means you may not be able to do your actual easter plans.

Totally.

I just read the OP as she'd said she wasn't happy and at that pont he'd started (she said he'd 'turned it round on her' - I'm paraphrasing) which isn't a healthy reaction.

In most relationships you can say "I'm not happy with XYZ" and your partner will apologise or at least show some understanding to your POV.

I'm not particularly projecting as per some other posters. I've just been on MN a long time and know the script. It's usually a pattern of behaviour, it's never a one off and it usually has negative consequences for the woman.

You sound controlling. What if he found a certain way you dressed or seeing certain friends or certain make up you chose to wear ‘upsetting and offensive’? Would you be happy for your husband to dictate what you do to you, even when it wasn’t having a significant negative impact on him, just because he didn’t like it? He has a right to go out with his friends and to drink if he wants to, obviously if he was coming home and acting abusive or causing drama it would be different but all he did was come home and sleep. What is upsetting or offensive about that?

Annoying yes. If he does this a lot and doesn't do his fair share or assumes you will pick up the slack while he is hungover. I would expect a grovelling apology for being out of action and I'd expect to be buggering off for a night in a hotel on my own when I feel like it with no requests or explanation. You should maybe consider why it is that this upsets you so much, is it from the past. Do you feel he's humiliating you.

Your arm must hurt with that reach.

Op is the unhealthy one.

@Mimimimi1234

The reason I responded to ypur post is you reaponded to mine by saying anyone that likes to drink is selfish, boring and undignified. I disagree with you, anyway, it takes all sorts to make the world go round and we can disagree

We can indeed disagree but this is a category error. I didn’t say anyone who drink is selfish, boring and undignified, I said drunks are selfish, boring and undignified. Critical distinction. I drink and in fact I was drinking last night. I never drink to the point where I embarrass myself or others.

I stand by this. I have no problem at all with people who drink alcohol. I do generally choose not to spend time with people who can’t stop.

It would piss me off too. There is no need to get hammered in order to have fun.

In YOUR opinion, but hey, some people find getting hammered fun, amazing isnt it how we are all different !!!

I don't think he has anything to apologise for.

@Crunchymum. I'm a cool wife for not understanding what the OP's husband has done wrong?
Thanks - I've never been a cool anything before 😎

Same here!

We might be a waste of space but are cool

Cool wives is a term user on here to suggest women with their own opinion must be peacocking to men

@NearlyBritishSummertimeYay I mean, I phoned him on the way to the kebab shop to see if he wanted anything. He never answered, so that's a him problem 😂

He can do what he wants, but as he sounds like a shit partner and likely a shit dad, he wouldn’t be doing it around me.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

At any point has the OP given examples that he is a shit dad or a shit partner? Because he gets drunk now and again? wow

My thought too. There's mumsnetters on here who do this now and again after a girls night out. As long as no-one makes a mess, I just eye roll.

Oh he's done that in the past. He once got into a strop because I wore my DMs on a night out.

Basically he's been asleep all day. Now frankly the weather has put paid to the plans we had. I concede I probably addressed it in the wrong way and at the wrong time.
However I don't like drunks. I don't like being around them. I was certainly no angel when I was younger but I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and I didn't like the way I was. I do like a drink but pretty much never get drunk anymore. Everyone has things that upset them, this is mine.
Frankly its more the lack of acknowledgement of hurting my feelings more than anything that is getting to me. Yeah he went out and things happen in the swing of the night. But without even an "sorry I was having too much fun but I know you don't like it and I'm sorry I upset you" would be ok.

Did you apologise for wearing your DMs? Genuine question

How is that even relevant?

He’s not to blame for the weather so that’s can’t be helped haha. You knew he liked to go out and get drunk when you were dating so you accepted this behaviour and can’t expect him to change just because you now find it upsetting. You said you used to drink but decided it wasn’t worth the hassle, that doesn’t mean he has to give it up because you made a decision about drink.

But without even an "sorry I was having too much fun but I know you don't like it and I'm sorry I upset you" would be ok.

Really?! So which is it….. he can’t go out and get drunk because you find it upsetting or he can go out and get drunk as long as he apologises for it?

Quite astonishing how many posters think it is OK for an adult and a father to get so drunk.
How often does he do this?