AIBU that my husband refuses to apologise for being dead drunk?

[Oliverlouise81]

Last night my hubby went to the pub while I stayed home with dd. Fine. But he rolled in at almost 3 am, totally sloshed and crashed on the beanbag in the living room. He knows I find this behaviour upsetting. I told him this morning that I was upset with him and it would be nice of him to apologise but all I got was that 'you want me to say sorry for having fun?'
He used to do this periodically when we were dating but hasn't for a while but I still don't think its acceptable at all. What also pissed me off is that when I was talking about it he tried to turn it back to my irritating habits!

I'm not trying to say he can't go out alone and get a bit merry but I do object to him being that hammered.

I left someone like you once, that partner resented the fun AND loved the control. Killjoys are deeply unappealing.

He was this way when you met him, you genuinely thought you could force him to change, or keep forcing him to apologise?

If you want to close the relationship or have him walk out on you, carry on as you are.

Accept things as they are or walk, there’s very little that isn’t toxic in between.

Oh god I’d hate if my husband treated me like you treat your husband. He has to apologise and live my your standards. How utterly Controlling.

you don’t like getting drunk. Fair enough. You don’t need to but to be so controlling you only allow him to get “a bit merry” or he has to apologise to you personally is just horrible behaviour.

get a grip on yourself. You don’t get to treat people like this

Frankly its more the lack of acknowledgement of hurting my feelings more than anything that is getting to me. Yeah he went out and things happen in the swing of the night. But without even an "sorry I was having too much fun but I know you don't like it and I'm sorry I upset you" would be ok

that’s so controlling I actually grimaced. Why should he apologise to you. You are not the boss of him. Stop doing this.

Imo he's not, on this occasion, done anything he needs to apologise for.
You hate drunks. That's a you problem.
If he'd pissed somewhere then he'd need to apologise for that. But he didn't. He just got pissed and came home.

I understand how you feel, believe it or not. I hate drunken people. I hate my husband getting drunk. Hate it with a passion. He won't shut the fuck up and his idea of a conversation is a four hour monologue. He doesn't want interaction, he wants an audience. It's boring as fuck. I go to bed and pretend to be asleep just to get him to stop talking at me.

But, like with you, it's a me problem and he's not actually doing anything wrong.

So I said to him look, you're an arsehole when you're drunk and I hate it. When you want a night out, can't you just book a cheap hotel room and come back the next day when you're sober because I can't be arsed dealing with drunk you.

I do understand this isn't affordable for everyone but drinking in pubs costs a fortune so a compromise might be go out less often and never the night before a family activity is planned but stay the fuck out and reappear when he's sober.

Because op used to drink and stopped so yad decided he has to as well.

Loved the linr about the weather 😭😭

Yes it's very kind of you to accept that OP.

Could you give me one valid reason ir isn't okay, using facts and not making things up.

Considering @Oliverlouise81 said he has more than once pissed somewhere that isn’t the bathroom, surely this would indicate someone who gets more drunk than is considered ”normal” and needs to modify their drinking!

Ok so he did it twice in how many years? No not good but not as hysterical making as you’re making out.

"However I don't like drunks. I don't like being around them. I was certainly no angel when I was younger but I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and I didn't like the way I was. I do like a drink but pretty much never get drunk anymore. Everyone has things that upset them, this is mine.
Frankly its more the lack of acknowledgement of hurting my feelings more than anything that is getting to me. "

Wow so because you don't like drinking then your DH never can. How controlling.

He has absolutely nothing to apologise for.

My own DH has gone out with friends this afternoon. I hope he has the decency to sleep downstairs and not wake me when he arrives home. No doubt he will of had a few too many, however despite popular opinions he is also an excellent Dad and pretty decent DH.

I don't expect an apology tomorrow for him enjoying himself, he handles his drink reasonably well so I expect he will be up and sorted by 9am.

As long as your DH doesn't do this weekly, isn't aggressive, demanding or a pain in the arse when drunk I'm struggling to see the issue or the need to demand apologies.

I'm 100% sure when I go out I won't apologise for enjoying myself and getting carried away. I'm a responsible adult most of the time and nobody is at risk or present when I go out for a night so nobody needs to check up on my behaviour as I'm an adult.

If you don't like people drinking that's your issue not your DH issue.

Urgh.

The ‘cool wives’ comments are so pathetic.

How many valid reasons do you need? It's expensive, it's irresponsible as he could be injured or damage his health by getting into that state, it means he's expecting the OP to stay sober and parent their child, and the most important one for me, he should grow the fuck up and behave like an adult.

I’m an adult and a mother. My kids go away over some weekend, so that’s my chance to see the guy I’m dating and we got proper fucking drunk on the last day of the six nations, had a whole bunch of sex and spent Sunday in bed with bacon sandwiches. Wonder what you think of me.

Adults can have fun which involves booze. As long as it isn’t a daily/weekly occurrence.

The worst possible time to berate a person who's been out drinking is when they have an hangover/possibly still inebriated.

Yes I did the same… SO controlling.

I find it odd that you are so hung up on the concept of him drinking. If you were on here ranting that he got so drunk you have been left with all childcare for the day and your pre agreed plans have had to be cancelled I think you would have a lot more support. But the random, "I find him being drunk offensive" is just weird.

But based on other messages it sounds like this isn't a once off, and actually just being out of commission is a minor version of his usual drunken behaviour. Plus he is weirdly controlling as well.

In which case there are probably bigger issues here you should be addressing.

Hmm he’s peed in the wrong place? Thats too much, both Dh have been utterly bladdered at various points but never so much that we couldn’t pee in the loo (I may have fallen off said loo once, but I still found it).That sounds like a few drinks too far for me.

Also the offender in our house gets a bit of a lie in but still has to get up and get shit done. It’s fine going for a night out but if it means you write off a family day then yeah I’d be unhappy with that. We don’t give ourselves the option so it kinda restrains the “it’s 2am lets open another bottle of wine reflex.”

It’s shit dealing with a really hungover person when you have small kids. Once in a while I could forgive (except the peeing thing, I wouldn’t be forgiving of that). But getting a bit merry in itself is not a crime.

@Valeriekat

it IS ok for a father to get drunk sometimes!

his children were not with him

you don’t stop being a person who wants to have fun and let their hair down sometimes just cos you’re a parent you know

That will blow some people’s minds on here!

Apologise for having fun. - a life of misery awaits. You can see why some marriages might feel like a life sentence.

Maybe not, but I would bet she gets the 'ick', getting drunk is not big or clever. It's something kids do until they learn limits.

No but it can be fun - remember what that was?

I think you sound controlling

Kick him out.