Market experience with autistic DS, I'm gutted

[Emmavee1]

I'm out with my son who is 6, he has autism and ADHD. I have ADHD myself and that's probably why I've taken this interaction to heart but I'm really upset.

DS is fine coming to the market and really enjoys it, we've had a lovely afternoon until just now.

I was looking at some little (boxed) items on one of the stalls and DS was copying me, picking up one thing at a time and reading the packaging.

The stall owner took an instant dislike to DS handling the items and said, in an abrupt tone, that he's going to break them. He wasn't, he was just reading the boxes as I was - and several other people who were shopping there. They were sealed and boxed eyeshadow pallets. He wasn't even trying to open them.

I told DS to put it down and he did, then he stepped away.

I select what I want and wait my turn to pay.

Whilst waiting to pay, DS picked up something else and started to read packaging on that.

The stall owner, full on pissed off at this point, starts having a go at me saying he's going to break them.

By that point I was feeling stressed and told DS, very firmly, to stop touching the products otherwise we wouldn't be buying the sweet he'd been asking for.

DS gets upset and spits at me, whilst I'm still waiting to pay, and the stall owner starts having a go at me about that.

I told him that he's autistic and he just doesn't understand the way other people do and to please try to be understanding.

He then has a go at me and says I'm giving him "mixed messages"

I put back the items I had and left fighting back tears.

I don't know why it has upset me so much as I should be used to things like this now.

Do you think I was in the wrong here?

I assume you are there with money and picking up things you have an interest in buying?

@Kalevala I have money, less so on the interest in buying stuff.

By page 2 I conceded I'm unreasonable for letting DS touch things in the first place so I don't know why on page 7 people are still giving me a hard time and telling me that when I've already accepted as much.

I wouldn't go handling make up products on a market stall. Unless it was a basket to rummage in.

It was a basket to rummage in, full of boxed pallets that you have to handle in order to read the box to see what's inside

I might still say "can I look for a brown shade?

You'd be in a minority then because in all of my years frequenting markets I've never come across somebody asking for permission to look through a set up like this.

I can also see that people are still giving me a hard time about the spitting, again as though I haven't already addressed it and explained why it happens and that both me and school are continuously working to fix it.

It happens very infrequently these days as we all know how to deal with DS to keep his stress levels to a minimum but I dropped the ball yesterday when I felt under a lot of pressure by the stallholder l, something else I can acknowledge and take responsibility for.

For the goady poster who has nothing of value to add beyond asking whether I still bought him his sweet after the incident, clearly hoping to draw me into an exchange that leaves me open to even more bashing.. no, I did not. Happy now?

I'm touched by the understanding comments from those who've been kind in their replies even those who feel I was unreasonable in one way or another but have put that across in a way which provokes introspection and an opportunity to learn from yesterday and do better next time.

Maybe you should stay home then if you are constantly picking up things you aren't interested in buying, like a child who hasn't been taught not to. As least you are less likely to have sticky fingers, I hope.

Ignore all the goady posters OP, you sound really measured and are clearly navigating a more tricky version of parenting than lots of people encounter. We’d all do things differently with hindsight x

Possibly because you attacked a market trader whilst completely disregarding the multiple mistakes you made?

@OolongTeaDrinker many posters saying that you shouldn't touch unless buying, adults included.

OP some people just don’t get it. You’re doing a good job in difficult circumstances and the most helpful thing you can do for you and your son is learn to ignore the people who just don’t understand.

Given that your child wasn't going to purchase eyeshadow, not unreasonable for the stall holder to not want him handling the merchandise.

@Kalevala yeah,no.

Sorry don’t know how I managed to quote someone and now I can’t seem to edit it

Stall holder was rude. However, must be annoying when children touch things. When my DC were 6, I wouldn't have allowed them to touch things like that.

Understand what? If the child was genuinely interested to buy something as a customer fine but otherwise children do not need to be touching

Don't be so ridiculous 😂😂

Some people on this thread are bonkers Op.

I know right!

DS' behaviour is one thing but these people are full grown supposedly sentient adults.

I think they should practice what they preach and have a serious look at their behaviour.

The last one did give me a laugh, there's nothing as queer as folk so they say.

My first thought was theft. It's common for people to use their children to shoplift and a disability would be a possible cover. I bet the stall holder has lost stock this way. Not saying it's easy or fair on you though. I have 2 autistic boys and was banned from my local corner shop as a suspected thief (no proof, I am not a thief and I later complained and got unbanned).

I'm sorry you and your son were upset. I would say the man was in the wrong. Surely if he broke something you would pay for it?

I had the same thing actually with my 5 year old son, we were in an indoor market and my son was looking at the cds, he picked one up and looked at it and the guy snatched it out of his hand and put it back!! The funny thing was that he had some money to spend and would have liked to buy one. (He loves cds). We walked away! People can be awkward!

That there is a much bigger picture here, some people either choose not to see that or are unable to understand a situation which doesn’t duplicate their own experience and focus purely on their opinions about touching things that a person may or may not buy. Ultimately even without the bigger picture these are all only opinions and not facts.

He was asking OP to tell her DS to stop before he broke something. Unsure why that's so difficult for you to fathom

I do have a lot of experience with asd and adhd and i actually agree with this sentence:

He then has a go at me and says I'm giving him "mixed messages
because he was allowed to touch them, then he wasnt, and there was a threat given to something he was allowed to do two minutes earlier.

but apart from that, the stall holder was rude. Id have not bought anything from him.

Only that isn’t the case. When you have an autistic child priority 1 is modelling how to behave and calmly explaining. Allowing a 6 year old to handle make up is a mistake. To then threaten that child awful.

Aye, way to make it sound like I'm some sort of child abuser. Give over.

Also not what was said. Errors in parenting doesn’t make you a child abuser.

"To threaten that child was awful" is complete hyperbole in this case. You've made it sound a lot more dramatic than me saying I won't be buying a sweet.

I think we're done here I can't really be bothered reading any more of this.

A big thank you to everybody who has been sympathetic, helpful and understanding.