To be annoyed that DH spent €350!!

[MeAndMia]

DH just popped out to the shops. He said he needed a couple of pairs of jeans. He has gone to an outdoor clothing store (very pricey) and bought two pairs of jeans for €100 a pair and then a jacket for €150. He’s come back and I’m upset. We have so much to pay for this month. We are going on holiday and we also have a number of events that we are attending. We are not rich. DH’s argument is that he never buys clothes. He doesn’t buy clothes often but he has sports that he plays where the equipment is really expensive. In the last couple of months, that has been a big expense. I have asked DH to return the stuff and buy cheaper alternatives. He is really upset with me for this. AIBU?

You need to look at your finances properly to decide if yabu.

do you have a spending spreadsheet? Can you go through bank accounts and add uo what he has spent on himself compared to what you have spent on yourself and also how much you have and need for the holidays?

unfortunately we don’t have a spreadsheet with our expenses. I just think paying those prices, unless you are rich, Is very excessive. Particularly on a whim when we have so much else to pay for this month.

The cost per wear for two pairs of jeans and a jacket is probably like to be minuscule over the years.

I don't think 100 euro for 2 pairs of jeans is that pricey. Assuming he didn't have a decent waterproof coat then if could do for years - coats are always pricey.

You both need to work out a budget though as how can you get upset with what he spent when you don't both know how much spending money you have

I'd rather pay more for clothes once a year of every two years than buy cheaper stuff every 6 months

It's impossible to say much without knowing your financial situation - I will say that those prices, which not cheap, also are not crazily excessive, especially if he doesn't purchase clothes often and they are a decent make which will last. You risk sounding a bit controlling, but, as I said, it's hard to say without knowing the whole story.

I think it depends how you organise your finances. How are you financing everything you have to pay for this month? Would you be paying half each? Or does it come out of a joint account? Will you now need to go without to pay for the events? Or is that 350 the difference between being able to attend stuff and not being able to attend stuff?

I’d also question why he seems unaware of how much money your household has for the month and how far it has to stretch. Does he want to cancel the holiday so he can have expensive jeans?

Will this purchase put you in the red this month?

Yeah I don't think there's enough information here to really know for sure whether he was reasonable or not.

Will this leave you short for essentials? Do you earn/contribute equal amounts into the pot? Do you have equal personal funds and did this come out of his?

I think a decent pair of jeans (or two) and a jacket are likely to get decent wear so I'd be inclined to think they aren't a waste.

I’m with you @MeAndMia, that’s a huge amount and I’d be furious and would also tell him to take them back.
350 is obviously peanuts on Mumsnet though.

Except it's 100 per pair of jeans?????

It's €100 per pair - €200 for 2 pair of jeans and €150 for a jacket

As long as you can meet your family’s financial obligations this month, he can buy decent quality clothes occasionally.

I buy very few clothes but when I do, I spend more because I expect them to last a long time.

Being Easter were they in the sale or money off. Is he going to get the use out of them.

Those points aside you need a spreadsheet or at the least a written record of your regular incomings/ongoings and after that who spends how much on what....

Very true. But if you’ve just spent all of your own money on sports equipment and still have lots of events and a holiday to finance this month, then perhaps some fancy jeans and a new jacket could wait until next month?

Do you not both have personal money after all the household expenses etc come out? It sound like it's all just one jumbled pot.
If you dont then maybe it is something to look at. That way you would each be spending your own money on the things you want.
I would sit down and work out your outgoings including any joint savings, holiday savings etc and decide from there how much personal money you each get. It should be an equal amount. That way if one of you wants to blow their months personal money on new clothes, coffees, hair, make up, hobby etc it shouldn't have any impact on the other.

Perfect time to get control of your finances and pin down what he can actually spend.
I bet we've spent 350 for dh over 4 years. Excluding running gear and shoes which is pricey.

I think it depends how often it is really:
100 Euro jeans every month - probably excessive unless you are doing fairly well financially,
100 Euro jeans once a year - probably reasonable.
(I get that it was jeans x2 and jacket but same principle applies).
It also depends on overall household finances. OP might also only buy 10 Euro jeans but much more often.

Has he paid for these out of a joint account? If so is there a spare 300 for you to do the same?
Tbh who is unreasonable depends completely on how you manage your finances.

What he’s bought isn’t expensive but he hasn’t considered your current financial position.

That is the unreasonable bit, as they are really not excessive prices for decent quality jeans and decent quality jacket.

The issue is can you afford it as a couple / family? Yes you have other expenses this month, but can you still afford them?

Are you default funder of household and child expenses? Is that the actual issue?

If her never ever buys clothes then this is a one off and well deserved i'd say. Also, better to buy good quality and they'll last him for years. I'd let this one go.

It is a big chunk of money in one go. But they are total basics and if he’s the type to wear the same 3 pairs of jeans and 2 jackets on rotation for the next 5 years then it all levels out to a very frugal way of dressing. But if he doesn’t wear jeans and a jacket often or if you don’t have that money available at the moment or if he’s got loads of clothes that fit and aren’t too worn out then it could be a waste of money.

Then you really need to create one.

It’s pretty easy to download a list of your transactions from all major banks. Go through them and categories your expenses car/house/kids/his/hers etc. And then decide who is being unreasonable.

It'll also help you both plan cash flow which seemed to be a factor in your OP.

It’s €200 for 2 pairs.