To be annoyed that DH spent €350!!

[MeAndMia]

DH just popped out to the shops. He said he needed a couple of pairs of jeans. He has gone to an outdoor clothing store (very pricey) and bought two pairs of jeans for €100 a pair and then a jacket for €150. He’s come back and I’m upset. We have so much to pay for this month. We are going on holiday and we also have a number of events that we are attending. We are not rich. DH’s argument is that he never buys clothes. He doesn’t buy clothes often but he has sports that he plays where the equipment is really expensive. In the last couple of months, that has been a big expense. I have asked DH to return the stuff and buy cheaper alternatives. He is really upset with me for this. AIBU?

I don’t think that this has really solved anything though. It’s a sticking plaster solution.

If he wants to spend the equivalent of a mortgage payment on a pair of designer socks and that’s what he’s chosen to spend his own personal money on, then that’s down to him and you don’t get a say in it, even if the local department store are selling a similar pair for £3.

The problems start when he doesn’t seem to be aware of how much personal money he has to spend and is splashing out on sports equipment and expensive clothes without checking that all of the outgoings are covered first and that you’ve got your own personal money too. Why isn’t he taking equal responsibility for the household finances? Why are you having to deal with him getting annoyed because he doesn’t understand that your household has a budget? He should know exactly what that budget is.

@MeAndMia ah, in that case even better. So it was overpriced basically. Impulse buying is a killer! Glad he's got some nice stuff for cheaper.
Of course 350 is a lot for most people, me included. I'm strictly shein at the mo sadly. Haha.

Agree. I'd hate it.

I agree that unless spending that amount of money would put your finances seriously in the red, he should have been able to buy a couple of jeans and a jacket that he likes. I agree it is emasculating for him to have to return fairly essential items of clothing to a store because his wife has told him off. Sure he has found cheaper replacements but I bet it sucked the joy out of treating himself to something new. I assume he works? It's pretty soul destroying working full time then not being allowed to buy yourself a decent pair of trousers. It's the sort of thing that might start to build resentment in a marriage for me. But only you know if that would be the case for your relationship.

You can have completely joint finances and agree an equal amount of spending money - so no one needs to ask permission to spend anything. This is what dh and I do. We have 3 joint accounts, one we use for bills / outgoings, the others we use one each as a personal account and keep an equal amount of spending money each, transferred to each of these accounts to spend on clothes / personal stuff as we wish. No issues in 15 years of marriage. Kids and holiday stuff is allocated for in the main account.

I mean I was in the Levis shop last weekend and I'd say most jeans I looked at were around £100 a pair. The cheapest I saw was £75 and they were on a sale.
£150 for a good jacket is probably average as well, if it's a proper one from an outdoor shop as you said.
If your finances aren't great this month then probably not ideal to buy all in a oner, he could have staggered them over a couple of months, but hardly an offense

You are not well off but you get botox twice a year?
Perhaps forego the botox, put the money in a separate account so you can afford some clothes when the need arises.

I choose to spend the spare money I can afford to spend, on Botox. Works out as €30 per month. Why is that an issue? Would you say the same if I go for lunch with friends once a month? I’m allowed to choose what to spend my spare money on.

Also, I can afford clothes?? Not sure why you think I can’t afford clothes???

So do you both have a set amount of personal spending money per month or not?

No we don’t have a certain amount. When we have an expense to pay. Like a golf membership or Botox, we plan for that.

Just like DH’s sports equipment.

Todays situation was an unexpected big expense. Like I’ve stated further up, which we have not planned for.

I don’t think I’d be too mad at this if they were good quality and long lasting

And the money DH spent was not spare money. It was money we don’t have this month and can’t afford to spend.

100 euros for a pair and 150 for a jacket.
I think he's been completely frivolous with the family money there.

I'd much rather my dh spent money on jeans (useful) and golf (healthy, sociable) than botox.

Your priorities are weird, op.

Wouldn’t bother me. And we are pretty poor. We both put into the pot, make sure food costs are split. Then his spending money is his spending money, I have no say on it nor do I want to, that would be controlling.

You spend €360 a year on botox, he spends the same on good quality clothes, I think that's fair and he's spent his more wisely

Maybe ask him to return just one pair of jeans ? If he doesn’t buy often then he might just fancy something new for the events you have planned

So get your finances sorted out, this isn’t working as a system.
I didn’t comment about the Botox, because for some it’s a medical need rather than spending £400 a year on vanity.
You both need to sort out personal budgets for yourselves.

I don’t want a say in it, but DH takes 0 interest in the family finances despite my attempts to involve him. He works away for long spells so I think that’s what it stems from. For that reason, I need to know what’s going on with our income and outgoings. I have no choice but to take an interest. DH has known we have an expensive month, because I told him about it, and he’s gone out and spent €350 without consulting with me before hand.

I think you need to budget together. I wouldn’t want to be in a position where I’m questioning what my DH spends. I do sometimes laugh at the amount he spends on what I call ‘designer crap’ but neither of us police the budget or monitor o e another’s spending.

Sorry - just seen your post about DH not taking an interest in the finance. In that case give him an allowance!!!

But then without an agreed amount of spending money you’re setting yourselves up to fail, surely…