To be annoyed that DH spent €350!!

[MeAndMia]

DH just popped out to the shops. He said he needed a couple of pairs of jeans. He has gone to an outdoor clothing store (very pricey) and bought two pairs of jeans for €100 a pair and then a jacket for €150. He’s come back and I’m upset. We have so much to pay for this month. We are going on holiday and we also have a number of events that we are attending. We are not rich. DH’s argument is that he never buys clothes. He doesn’t buy clothes often but he has sports that he plays where the equipment is really expensive. In the last couple of months, that has been a big expense. I have asked DH to return the stuff and buy cheaper alternatives. He is really upset with me for this. AIBU?

It's really not a good look for a wife to want to control what her husband spends on his own clothes. Everyone would be horrified if this was the other way around (ie husband criticising wife).

If you can't afford it you have to discuss how you sort your financial issues. He should be responsible to know if you can or not. You too.

I agree, it would be very emasculating to send him back to the shop, I would let it go this time and ask him to be more mindful in the future

You should both have your own discretionary budgets for things like clothing and hobby equipment, then it's entirely up to either of you whether you buy expensive clothes but buy them rarely or shop exclusively at charity shops.

For now, it's not possible to say WIBU. It's not clear that this purchase is actually going to leave you short, your objections seem to be more along the lines of just believing this is "too much". If you won't be able to meet financial commitments this month then HIBU, but if you will then YAB(kinda)U, and you need to rearrange your budget so that each of you has your own budget for personal indulgences. Then he can pay as much as he wants for jeans, but he'll have to leave room in his budget for his hobby stuff, so.

This is why completely joint finances don't work, IMO. No one should have to ask permission to buy a couple of pairs of jeans.

Update… DH has just gone online and bought an alternative jacket that he likes equally for €50 less. He has also ordered jeans that come to €90 for 2 pairs. They are Levi’s so very good quality. Why pay €350 when you can pay less than €200 for the same quality items.

i don’t mind him spending money at all. But we are not wealthy. Why would you not shop around, just go into the most expensive store and pay full price? Surely that’s just giving your money away when you can buy equivalent quality that you’re equally happy with for less money??

So your DH bought himself a treat and you forced him to return it and buy cheaper?

I didn’t force him to return. I just explained that we can’t afford that amount of money this month. Someone asked if it would put us in the red and yes it would.

He has been able to do “pay in 3” online, so that he can still get the things he wants. We usually discuss expensive purchases before hand. Before today, DH has never spent more than about €40 on a pair of jeans, so I didn’t expect him to come home having spent that.

For context, last month he spent €400 on sports equipment and is going on a golfing holiday thie month which is costing €800.

You really need to review and reorganize your budget. You should both know what you have set aside for stuff like your own clothing.

Also your H apparently doesn't have a clue about said budget which is a relationship problem. Time for a sit down on that.

He spends a lot on his hobbies and I support that (and we plan for it). Todays expense was completely unexpected!

And do you get the equivalent amount for your hobbies and solo holidays?

No.

Definitely time for a review of the budget then. Both of you should have an equal amount of "fun money" set aside to spend as you please.

I don’t mind that though. I do buy clothes. I get botox twice a year. Not quite equivalent, but I can buy the things I want and need and I filter them over the course of the year so we can afford it.

"I agree, it would be very emasculating to send him back to the shop, I would let it go this time and ask him to be more mindful in the future"

Fucking hell

I’d bet my life you haven’t spent anything like that on yourself.
Of course you’re entitled to ask him to watch his spending on large lump sum items and I’d say the same the other way round.

Emasculating my arse! Fucking hell indeed.

If you are not very well off, even more reason to get your finances sorted.
We have a joint account, separate accounts and a savings account.
We both contribute to the joint account, and the savings, then we manage our own finances. That way, there’s no permission asked or given for purchases, other than general conversation. It’s worked well for us for almost 40 years.

Not unreasonable for good brand of jeans and jacket. Those things should last and they won’t if it’s fast fashion.

womens clothing have a lot more choice in fast fashion so it’s a bit unfair to compare.

I haven't bought jeans for ages, but Levis are about that price I think. If the jacket is from an outdoor shop and a good brand. Suitable for several weathers and matches plenty of other outfits...then £150 doesn't sound too bad.
I'd rather he bought those things than something very cheap that will wear and fall apart after a couple of months.
If it will mean you can't pay the bills or eat then of course he needs to spend less. But maybe buy one item, rather than the three. The quality side I think will be better value in the long run. Decent jeans and jackets should last decades.

He has since ordered 2 pairs of Levi’s and a jacket he prefers from a similar brand for a total of €190. Saving €110 for the same quality. I do agree that quality is better, but shopping around is an obvious way to keep the costs down whilst getting the same quality. We aren’t rich so I think just spending €350 in one transaction, unplanned for, is very excessive.

This, with bells on. DH and I have a joint account which we both pay into for all the joint household expenses, kids, house etc. We retain our own separate accounts to pay for things we want for ourselves - I would never question his personal spending, and he wouldn't question mine.

So, do you control the whole budget? You haven't answered any of the posts asking if you both have personal spending money and actually budget properly. Not just as and when you need things. Have you sat done and worked out your yearly income and expenses and included a realistic amount for personal spends etc

Discounted and outlet Levi’s are not the same quality as regular Levi’s.