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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

280 replies

Ohitsallbullshit · 30/03/2024 10:22

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

OP posts:
Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:19

Rosscameasdoody · 30/03/2024 14:12

Where is she punishing him ? He doesn’t want to take part in a game, the object of which is to find extra Easter goodies. That being the case it’s perfectly reasonable to say if he doesn’t take part, he can’t expect to share in the things the other children are finding for themselves by taking part. No one’s forcing him to take part, but he’ll benefit from learning that you can’t expect to be handed things for free, while others are having to work for them. That’s a good life lesson.

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Plenty have PPs have said they would force or punish him for not attending, I was addressing that.

And I agree with you with regards to working for things but the kids aren’t working for anything, they are playing. Hardly ‘earning’ their treats are they.

mollyfolk · 30/03/2024 14:20

Octonaut4Life · 30/03/2024 10:34

It's rude of him and I wouldn't let him game, the WiFi would definitely be off for the duration. However kids at that age can start getting a bit of social anxiety and I wonder if that could be contributing. Have you discussed with him? Maybe he would feel more comfortable joining in if you gave him a specific role so he knows what to expect/can be slightly on the sidelines, especially if he's one of the older ones. For instance could he be asked to help the youngest kids to make sure they all get something, or could you put him in charge of hiding the eggs or handing out the baskets etc as a different way to get involved?

I agree with this. I'd be a bit worried about him hiding out in his room gaming while people are in the house. Is he ok socially generally? It's a great suggestion to have a chat with him and give him a "big kid" job to do with the hunt. Not being allowed to game shouldn't be a punishment - it's just not the time for it, he can do in the evening when the day is done.

Topsyturvy78 · 30/03/2024 14:21

If he doesn't take part he doesn't get the rewards for it. He has plenty anyway.

Mumofoneandone · 30/03/2024 14:23

When I've had an Easter egg hunt with a mixture of ages, the older ones have either helped with setting up the hunt or supported younger ones with the hunting. It is really lovely to see this. Maybe get him involved this way - positive to hear he does like a role though, ie helping with drinks. Certainly would be discouraging him from being allowed to game in his room alone and not just be handed eggs at the end - needs to 'earn' them!
Interestingly my niece's parents abandoned Easter egg hunts with her at about 9 and she was really sad, as she loves to do them. She still likes them at 12 and will be joining in with her younger cousins one this weekend!

StaunchMomma · 30/03/2024 14:28

I wouldn't let my 10 year old DS opt out of a gathering to game but I wouldn't push him to take part in an Easter egg hunt, either.

It's a bit babyish for a boy that age.

Totally fine that he doesn't get any of the bits found on the hunt. He chose not to take part, that's that.

SignoraVolpe · 30/03/2024 14:29

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/03/2024 10:25

At 11, he knows his own mind.

Sounds like you don’t like him very much, either?

Really?
Are you psychic?

Rosscameasdoody · 30/03/2024 14:31

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:19

Plenty have PPs have said they would force or punish him for not attending, I was addressing that.

And I agree with you with regards to working for things but the kids aren’t working for anything, they are playing. Hardly ‘earning’ their treats are they.

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Yep, sorry see what you mean about PP’s. But I would see this in terms of earning the treats. The requirement is that to get the treats the kids take part in the game and find them. He doesn’t want to take part, so the natural consequence of that is no extra treats.

mollyfolk · 30/03/2024 14:33

Ohitsallbullshit · 30/03/2024 10:52

im not going to make him come out of his room, I will ask if he wants to make tea and coffee for people as he enjoys doing so sometimes.

if he participates in the day then he can have the mini boxed one but I’m thinking if he chooses to not take part at all then he won’t have any of todays.

for people saying he’s too old, There are only 2 7 year old and the rest 10+ the 13 + year olds are looking forward to it.

his df will support whatever I say, in fact he would prefer he didn’t have the extra eggs because of his weight. I didn’t mean the weight comment to sound unkind, but it’s a worry we have atm. our other 3 children are very active and we don’t have the same issues

I wouldn't personally be linking a food "reward" to participation. If he's overweight he might already be eating in a disordered way and it will lead him to link good behavior & food. I would tell him you are turning the wifi off that day, it's not time for gaming. You'd love to have him around, everyone was looking forward to seeing him but if he wishes to stay in his room you understand. Ask him is he ok or was he worried about talking to people. Let him know you are there to help him with his worries or whatever way you can. Give him the mini boxed egg regardless of what he does.

NoisySnail · 30/03/2024 14:34

At 11 I would have been embarrassed to take part in an Easter Egg hunt. He will see it as babyish. I would give him a mini eggs boxed egg. After all the other children are just being given that.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/03/2024 14:36

I'd give him the small egg everyone is getting but the others are for people who hunt only.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/03/2024 14:37

I'd give him the small egg everyone is getting but the others are for people who hunt only.

BobbyBiscuits · 30/03/2024 14:38

Of course he won't get them if he doesn't hunt for them. That's the deal. If there's any left from the hunt and he asks, you could jokingly hide them again in the house and say, you'll still have to find it! He may feel to grown up for egg hunting and eggs in general. He might be happy with a chocolate bar at a later date and would rather chat to his mates or game (dk why that's so bad).

Brawcolli · 30/03/2024 14:42

Stressfordays · 30/03/2024 10:43

I'd say he doesn't have to join in the hunt but he has to come down to socialise. It's a big bear of mine that kids aren't being taught basic manners anymore, you don't shut yourself in your room when there are guests.

They aren’t his guests though. I think it’s worse manners to force a child to do something they don’t want (in this case, socialising.) I know I’d have found twenty guests totally overwhelming at that age and would have got really anxious if I hadn’t been allowed to go to my room.

godmum56 · 30/03/2024 14:44

If you are seriously concerned about his weight, why would you do an easter egg hunt anyway and why would you place a value on stuff you'd rather he didn't have?

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:44

Caluse · 30/03/2024 10:24

I would say he doesn't have to join in but he doesn't get to game or do any tech, and he doesn't get any eggs from the hunt if he doesn't do it. He can read a book if he doesn't want to join in.

exactly this

definitely, he doesn't get to sit in his room gaming if he doesn't want to join in

godmum56 · 30/03/2024 14:45

mollyfolk · 30/03/2024 14:33

I wouldn't personally be linking a food "reward" to participation. If he's overweight he might already be eating in a disordered way and it will lead him to link good behavior & food. I would tell him you are turning the wifi off that day, it's not time for gaming. You'd love to have him around, everyone was looking forward to seeing him but if he wishes to stay in his room you understand. Ask him is he ok or was he worried about talking to people. Let him know you are there to help him with his worries or whatever way you can. Give him the mini boxed egg regardless of what he does.

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but you'd still "punish him" by turning off the wifi?

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:47

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:44

exactly this

definitely, he doesn't get to sit in his room gaming if he doesn't want to join in

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That’s not cool. Forcing your child to join in when they don’t want to is cruel. So gross.

ArcticOwl · 30/03/2024 14:48

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:44

exactly this

definitely, he doesn't get to sit in his room gaming if he doesn't want to join in

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Vile attitude, and awful parenting to punish a child for not wanting to join in.

BigBreaths · 30/03/2024 14:50

My 22 year old, 20 year old and 17 year old don't want to do an egg hunt either, but my 13 year old has asked for one. I assume I must turn off the wifi and force the boys to come and stand around watching their sibling? And also she must be the only one to get any eggs?

Honestly people are weird on here sometimes. You can't force people to do something fun. It stops being fun if you have made it obligatory and punished them for not joining in.

Kids grow out of things. This happens at different ages. And it's perfectly normal.

Zanatdy · 30/03/2024 14:52

Absolutely fine to not take part, but agree you don’t get the extra eggs if you don’t want to participate. That’s fair enough at 11

Rosscameasdoody · 30/03/2024 14:53

SignoraVolpe · 30/03/2024 14:29

Really?
Are you psychic?

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No - it’s the MN Sheeple who assume that if you don’t want to indulge your stepchilds’ every whim, you must hate them !!

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:55

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:47

That’s not cool. Forcing your child to join in when they don’t want to is cruel. So gross.

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You've clearly got reading comprehension problems. I didn't say he had to join in, I said he doesn't get to sit in his room game if he doesn't want to join in.

There are plenty of other things he could do, such as chat to people, read a book sit outside in the sun and watch.

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:56

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:55

You've clearly got reading comprehension problems. I didn't say he had to join in, I said he doesn't get to sit in his room game if he doesn't want to join in.

There are plenty of other things he could do, such as chat to people, read a book sit outside in the sun and watch.

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And you’ve got parenting problems. Well, more so your child do. You sound awful.

exerciseshmexercise · 30/03/2024 14:59

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 14:55

You've clearly got reading comprehension problems. I didn't say he had to join in, I said he doesn't get to sit in his room game if he doesn't want to join in.

There are plenty of other things he could do, such as chat to people, read a book sit outside in the sun and watch.

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You wouldn't sit outside in the sun for long here it's bloody freezing.

He shouldn't be made to chat to people if he doesn't want to - it's not his visitors or guests, and the OP hasn't said that he was able to have friends of his own choice there as well.

I would hate if I was made to socialise with people I didn't have any choice of having in my home.

FangsForTheMemory · 30/03/2024 15:02

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 14:56

And you’ve got parenting problems. Well, more so your child do. You sound awful.

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I haven't got children, so you got that wrong too. I've been a child though, and I wasn't allowed to behave like this lad.

Also, you need to look up what 'gross' means because you seem to have got that wrong as well.

HTH.