Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

My 11 year old daughter would only be interested in this if her own friends were involved, otherwise she wouldn't be that fussed about joining in. I'd leave him to it he might be tempted when he sees the older ones having fun.

Agree, no wonder we are becoming a nation of slobs.
Put the controller/phone down and talk to people.

Poor kid , how is it rude ? he's 11 years old and probably feels its more for younger kids which i tend to agree.

Here we go again - spiteful ? OP has already said he has larger Easter eggs and money - if he’s not taking part in the hunt and he still doesn’t want to after he’s been made aware he won’t get any of the goodies involved, then that’s up to him. Actions have consequences and it’s not spiteful to teach him that.

He's 11 he has said he doesn't like egg hunts that's it, he's old enough to decide if he enjoys something or not.

Omg Mumsnet is a weird place..lots of 11 year olds would say they don't want to do something..mine didn't want to go for a walk or out somewhere for a family trip but if you "make" them they enjoy it..i definitely don't think they should be allowed to opt out and just spend the day gaming..imagine the uproar if you said I don't make my Dss join in with family events & let him spend 12 hours+ plus gaming! Get real people, they don't have to join in the egg hunt but they do not get to spend the time gaming..just plain rude!

Yes true and how do you not know your going to enjoy something unless you join in.

I think he has a right not to take part if he doesn't want to; and that this should be accepted. It's supposed to be a fun activity, not a grim duty.

I do think that if he doesn't take part, he should not get the extra eggs, as they are a part of the activity that he has refused. But I don't think that he should be punished for not taking part by having WiFi turned off or screens removed, etc. I am not objecting to general restrictions on amount of screentime allowed, but they should not be used to punish him for not engaging in what is intended as a fun activity.

@PassingStranger I must have been a genius because I would have known it was my version of a nightmare, it still is.

It isn't rude to abstain from social gatherings that is actually quite ableist to say that. Not everyone has to be presented for the hosts friends. My goodness I am beginning to be so grateful to mother and my family who never forced a child to jolly along.

Those of you saying similar not realising you are saying to that child young feelings mean nothing, you have no choice, lovely.

It's not a punishment, it's because you don't hole away ignoring everyone at a planned gathering.

But it isn't his choice of a gathering.

If my stepmum has friends round at her house, do I have to go and be sociable and sit with them? I don't like them, why would I have to do that? Why wouldn't it be ok to pass myself and then go elsewhere?

but if you had no say in the planning of the gathering?

No chance he will help set it up?

lets put this comment to a different scenario....say....oh....a BDSM party? Still think people should try it?

who said the party is going on for 12 hours plus?

Looking at it from a guest's point of view, I'd much rather that someone who didn't enjoy such occasions holed away ignoring me, than that they joined in just because they'd been forced to take part. (And yes, I've experienced both from hosts' family members.)

If he were a host, it would be different; but he wasn't in any way involved in planning the gathering.

Oh good.

Might he be persuaded to help you set it up and then maybe do the hunt with one of the youngest ones? So he's involved but not participating directly? Or do something else to help with the day..prep lunch or something? I'm a bit torn on this as my DD often gets overwhelmed with too many people and wants to hide away and it's finding the balance between teaching acceptable social norms and respecting her choices.

As children, and indeed as adults, you don't always get a say in every occasion that you attend. Sadly you can't always opt out of everything in order to play video games. If you're decently socialised (and additional needs aside, which I hope goes without saying), you invoke those social skills that you've hopefully learned - partly through experiences like this -
and you make pleasant conversation rather than ignoring everyone whenever you feel like it, no matter what's going on. He doesn't need to do the hunt if it's not fun but he can't just go and game whenever he wants when something is happening.

Were people always like this? I think the pandemic made a lot of people regress in their social skills and they haven't relearned them. I wonder if it's connected to the fashion for performative, self-righteous misanthropy and the constant conflation of introversion with antisocialness.

It's related to looking after our childrens mental health, and respecting their right to choose not to do something they don't want to do.

As plenty of us have said, there are times and places to insist on participation and socialisation during important gatherings and occasions.

An easter egg hunt that he has done the previous 6 years, and this year, for the first time, decided he doesn't want to do, is not an important social occasion where a step parent should have the right to override the childs wishes.

Considering the OP was only asking if he shouldn't get the extra eggs, and not if she should force him to do the hunt, its been REALLY inappropriate for all the posters pitching in advising her to do shit like turn off the wifi/punish him for saying he doesn't want to do it.

And I agree he shouldn't have to do the hunt. That's supposed to be fun; no point forcing it if it's not.

Socialising at the wider event ideally would also be fun, but that's not the sole point of it. It's also about connecting with people and making them feel valued by giving a little time and social effort. You can't always avoid every event you don't fancy to hole up and play on the computer. If this is the worst thing he has to endure to be a normally socialised human, he's very lucky.

Because kids don't learn how to do anything if they aren't given guidance and encouragement.

There's a big spectrum between forcing him to do something that he doesn't want to do, and allowing him to spend all day in an addictive activity

I would expect an adult to usually say hello.

A quick polite chat is a skill that has to be learned and practiced.

Turning off the WiFi shouldn't be punishment in this setting. Just adult boundaries on what a child is and isn't allowed to do.