Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

No point in forced fun, but he should be sociable. I would let him have his take-home bag eggs, but I think it's OK to leave the hunt ones to be found. But he shouldn't hole up indoors ignoring everyone.

His weight isn't relevant, unless maybe he's self conscious about running around because of it. If you think this way about it, he might have picked up on that.

He’s 11, he’s told you he doesn’t want to, so leave him be. But obviously if you don’t attend the party you don’t get the party loot. No issue. More for the others to find. Don’t overthink this. And keep your opinions on his weight to yourself.

And bung him his share of the hunt

he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

That makes no sense. You get the eggs by finding them, not sitting in your room. One of mine hates trick and treating so he doesn’t go and doesn’t get the sweets. It’s fine, he’s allowed to not like stuff. He doesn’t like party games either, so he doesn’t do them but he doesn’t expect to win a prize.
I think when there is a family party in your house then you need to attend it for the sake of good manners, but you don’t need to do all the activities if your non participation doesn’t affect others and you don’t need to be there for every minute. He shouldn’t be sitting in his room gaming because it’s rude and it allows him to think that when people visit you can ignore them, but if he does struggle he might need some accommodation.

Leave him be OP, he's at an awkward age. He'll probably slink out and get involved when he hears people having fun.

Neither do I, I don’t know many 11 year olds who would want to go on an Easter egg hunt, I’d let him do as he wishes rather than take part in something aimed at smaller children.

our 3 and 4 year olds at work are excited about an Easter egg hunt, the 11 yr olds I know would find it ‘cringe’.

@Berlinlover Never too old for an Easter Egg Hunt! I set one up in my garden a couple of years ago - for DS 25 and our friend, 42. It was very competitive and much fun was had. 42 year old said they'd never done an Easter egg hunt before!

I'd let the 11 year old make his choice not to take part as long as he understands the consequences regarding the extra sweets that he won't have - and you stand firm on that. He would only be allowed to not participate in that, however. He should not be gaming the rest of the time whilst the visitors are there - unless he's playing with them.

I'd say he has to be dressed and come down and greet the guests. He doesn't have to do the egg hunt but he shouldn't spoil it for the other kids and he shouldn't spend his time gaming alone.

He needs to either talk to the other kids or talk to the grown ups. Part of being a host is being at the party.

Chances are, he will enjoy it once the other kids get there. So don't make it into a big stand off where he feels he can't back down when he wants to join in.

I'd leave him be but no extra eggs... he may actually join in once other kids are around

The reason I'd make my child join in is because it sounds as though there will be quite a few children there of mixed ages as well as friends and family. I would find it bad manners for one child to stay upstairs gaming. Unless of course there was a reason.

An Easter egg hunt is a bit babyish for an 11 year old but it's been arranged so I'd be saying to my child to just grin and bear it and enjoy the chocolate at the end.

Does he find that many children overwhelming? I certainly would have done

It isn't, I love reading.

But I wouldn't let him out out of the activity, so he wouldn't be allowed to go and game.

Btw, OP, I generally find with stuff like this that can seem a bit ‘babyish’ to the older ones (but they’d secretly still like it) if you get them either to help younger ones, give them an organising role (he helps you hide the eggs), or make them all hunt in teams of mixed age groups, you’ll get more enthusiastic buy-in.

I actually don't think its ok to stay in his room. I think its fine if he doesn't want to join in but if people are making the effort to come to your house etc I think the least he should do is stay downstairs whilst he had guests.

I also wouldn't let him on electronics either but i wouldn't punish him for not wanting to join in.

At 45 I’d quite happily join in an Easter egg hunt if I got to keep the chocolate

I would give him the option once more, I would make it clear that any eggs found on the hunt ( or given for taking part in the hunt) are exactly that so no extra for him ( will his dad support this later when he is moaning?) then carry on letting him stay on his room if he wants.

Why?

Why can't he decline to join in an Easter egg hunt?

For the record, I mentioned his weight because it is a worry of mine, he has an obsession with junk food and I’m trying to limited so if he’s doesn’t have the extra treats then from my point it’s actually a good thing.

we like each other, he’s a kid, we cuddle on the sofa and play games a lot. bit as with most preteens he’s decided today that he doesn’t want to join in and wants to game on his pc.

we do a hunt every year, the older children usually find more we they share with the younger ones, this year my dsc just doesnt want to join in. I’m fine with that as he has that choice, I was just asking if it’s ok for
him to not get the extra treats.

When they were younger, all children would have had their share because a 3/4 year old being overwhelmed is different to an 11/12 year old

Like others are saying too, he might have a bit of fun if he joins in. 11 year olds can get a bit sullen and hiding upstairs gaming really doesn't always help their mood.

I'd persuade him to 'help' the little ones.

Poor kid. He's 11, most kids would find an Easter egg hunt too babyish at that age. And having someone try to force you into "fun" activities that you don't enjoy is horrible at any age. It's perfectly reasonable that he wants to sit this out.

Ohitsallbullshit · Today 10:31
@MrsSkylerWhite how does it sound as if I don’t like him?”

The unnecessary dig about his weight. If you’re concerned about that, why encourage him to look for chocolate. “Running about the garden” will burn off very little of what they eat.

He’s 11. Let him be.

Mine had completely lost interest in Easter egg hunts by that age.

He's hitting puberty. It's normal he won't want to do things. Don't punish him.

Some of these replies would be so different if it was your own child. Why is anyone feeling sorry for him?
I would be encouraging him to take part, even under the guise of helping the little ones.
If he’s adamant he doesn’t want to then I wouldn’t force him, but obviously if he doesn’t take part, he doesn’t get the prizes. It’s not like he doesn’t already have eggs anyway.

Leave him alone, if he doesnt want to do it then he shouldnt have to. It sounds like him staying in his room wont impact anyone else
Dont punish him for not conforming to your Enid Blyton ideal Easter fantasy (and this from someone who did an egg hunt for a 15 year old, 2 16 years olds and a 19 year old last year)