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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

280 replies

Ohitsallbullshit · 30/03/2024 10:22

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

OP posts:
colourfulchinadolls · 30/03/2024 12:31

Nazzywish · 30/03/2024 12:07

No treats if he doesn't take part. If he doesn't search for them why should he benefit. That's just encouraging him to be lazy.

I'd also say no game time. He doesn't have to take part but he doesn't get to be anti social and sit in his room gaming ,he has to be downstairs with the rest of the family

Why does an 11 year old have to be dosntaris with the rest of their family though. I don't get that. Everyone needs time on their own to switch off. He's old enough I think to opt out of certain family things and do his own thing.

This kind of attitude will alienate him further. He doesn't need to be paraded out in front of family to socialise, if he doesn't wish to. Christ. Poor kid.

HRTQueen · 30/03/2024 12:31

So he doesn’t want to join in

its really no big issue some children find these sort of fun activities are not fun at all and shouldn’t be forced to participate

how can adults get upset with children who do not like all this over the type commercialised supposed fun

him constantly gaming is a separate issue

and give him some chocolate it’s really not a big issue

notacooldad · 30/03/2024 12:32

Yup, just told my 14 year old about this thread and she said ‘that’s stupid, don’t listen to them, we’re still doing the egg hunt, aren’t we?!
Eggsecellent!
However this isn't about other people's children and their wishes but about the child in the thread, who quite clearly doesn't want to do it.
Aren't we supposed to take children's wishes and feelings into account?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/03/2024 12:33

WaitingForMojo · 30/03/2024 11:54

Yup, just told my 14 year old about this thread and she said ‘that’s stupid, don’t listen to them, we’re still doing the egg hunt, aren’t we?!’

Show quote history

Same in our house and one is now at uni. Apparently I have to keep doing them forever! It is a treasure hunt style and the clues get harder each year!

Having said that in this situation I would leave the 11yr old to decide whether to participate. Be clear about what is and is not included. If the boxed eggs are one each regardless of how many other eggs collected then I would still give that but the eggs from the hunt itself have to be found so if he doesn't participate he doesn't get them.

Fraaahnces · 30/03/2024 12:36

He is likely to be very aware of his weight at 11 as are most kids his age and younger. Maybe he doesn’t want to do the hunt because one or some of the kids has said something about his weight. Kids are brutal. If that was me I would want to stay in my room too. I’d let him do his thing and maybe just have the hunt for the very wee kids and do something a bit more adventurous and inclusive for the bigger kids next time?

tara66 · 30/03/2024 12:37

I think 11 is too old for this game.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 30/03/2024 12:37

He doesn’t do the hunt, he doesn’t get the eggs except maybe the mini eggs one that was bought for him specifically. It’s natural consequences. It doesn’t need to be a big deal, just don’t mention the eggs again.

It sounds like some of the other children are his cousins though so I would expect him to come down and socialise with them rather than sit in his room the entire time!

Missamyp · 30/03/2024 12:38

Why would you punish a child because they don't want to be involved in an Easter egg hunt? He's 11, not 6.
WATF am I reading?
I tell you what, there's some people who shouldn't be parents, he's a child, not a concentration camp inmate.

hot2trotter · 30/03/2024 12:39

I wouldn't be forcing an 11 year old to join in an egg hunt. My son is 11 and wants to join in with his siblings tomorrow as is our tradition, but if next year he turns around and says he doesn't want to join in, that's absolutely fine.
He wouldn't get any of the extra treats from the hunt though.

Pointshopgirl · 30/03/2024 12:40

I think you should leave him be to his gaming if that will make him happier - it’s his Easter break too and the participation in an egg hunt for plastic eggs being expected of an 11 year old sounds tedious.

I would however expect him to come downstairs and grace you all with his presence at least say hello to everyone at some point though - as he is part of the family and I would tell him that.
He should still get the extra treats and not be excluded.

I don’t think mentioning him being overweight has any relevance and I think as other posters have said it does hint towards the impression of you harvesting some negativity towards him.

rustyvor · 30/03/2024 12:43

Caluse · 30/03/2024 10:24

I would say he doesn't have to join in but he doesn't get to game or do any tech, and he doesn't get any eggs from the hunt if he doesn't do it. He can read a book if he doesn't want to join in.

Why on earth would you take his tech away? 11 is a bit old for Easter egg hunts, let him be!

LameBorzoi · 30/03/2024 12:43

NuffSaidSam · 30/03/2024 12:06

There's absolutely no evidence from what the OP says that this is the case.

Show quote history

It's not from what the OP said - it's a general truth. Games are addictive - they are specifically designed to be so. Eleven year olds sometimes need a bit of a push to learn social skills and do things. It's just part of parenting.

(I'm not advocating forcing kids to do things that they don't want to do. However there is a lot that can be done with gentle encouragement and boundaries).

Daffyyellow · 30/03/2024 12:43

At his age he is old enough to choose not to take part. For my children I would expect them to be dressed and socialising even if they chose not to egg hunt. Staying in his room and gaming would not be acceptable in my house while we have visitors.

TeaGinandFags · 30/03/2024 12:43

If he wants to stay in his room, let him. Just don't let him have the extra chocolate and eggs. And make sure to turn off the WiFi.

If he's off to his mum's, then make sure she knows about this. Otherwise he'll be telling her some penny dreadful about how hard done he is.

exerciseshmexercise · 30/03/2024 12:45

Why would you turn off the wifi? Why would you punish him for wanting to stay quietly out of the way?

Again, if there are issues with how much he is gaming, then that should be dealt with every day on an ongoing basis, not just removing wifi on a day where there are visitors.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 30/03/2024 12:46

It's not fun if it's forced.

Let him be and don't punish him for it.

MsFaversham · 30/03/2024 12:46

If you are fine with him not joining in why are you punishing him by not giving him the boxed eggs? Food/treats shouldn’t be used as reward and punishment.

coodawoodashooda · 30/03/2024 12:47

BeeCucumber · 30/03/2024 10:28

You don’t like him and he doesn’t like you or your plans for forced Easter fun. Leave him alone in his room. I feel sorry for him.

Yeah.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 30/03/2024 12:47

And he's 11. That's getting to the age where egg hunts are lame.

Selttan · 30/03/2024 12:47

Everyone piling on and saying just leave him alone, he doesn't have to join in - did you actually read what the op write? She hasnt said he has to join in, all she's asked is if he should get the extra eggs from the hunt.

Op - if he doesn't want to join then no he shouldn't have the extra eggs. I wonder if he'll change his mind about doing it, if he hears everyone else running around having fun.

Okokokokokplease · 30/03/2024 12:47

WaitingForMojo · 30/03/2024 11:54

Yup, just told my 14 year old about this thread and she said ‘that’s stupid, don’t listen to them, we’re still doing the egg hunt, aren’t we?!’

Show quote history

Both these examples are not very helpful for OP.
Every child is an individual and it really can just depend as to how they are feeling on the day.
Adults and older teenagers generally don’t feel awkward and are happy to join in but an 11 year old is just at the awkward hormonal age and can be quite self conscious.
Leave him alone ,no extra eggs that he didn’t find .Am intrigued by people saying to ‘make’ him join in…how do you ‘make’ anyone do something they don’t want to do ?

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 30/03/2024 12:47

Wow your fun. He’s 11 and a boy highly likely isn’t into Easter now. Let him do what he wants with the agreement he at least comes down and says hello for 20 mins. You sound mean saying he’s overweight. Why wouldn’t you just save him back a few eggs for him to have whilst he’s gaming? Few eggs today isn’t going to sort out his weight today that’s for his parents.

Gettingonmygoat · 30/03/2024 12:49

If he doesn't want to take part that is fine but would i hell let him sit in his room gaming and ignoring the guests in your home. Allow it today and it will become the norm. No wonder too many children and young adults can't socialise.

Startingagainandagain · 30/03/2024 12:50

You are displaying a complete lack of empathy. You just assume that he is being difficult on purpose.

But you should have considered:

  • that he might be self-conscious about his weight and knows that he is not the fittest kid so does not want to be seen running around chasing eggs by a bunch of other people
  • that in general in might not be feeling great about himself and might be going through tough times (kids will often get bullied at schools for being overweight) and that is why he is comfort-eating and not doing much socialising
  • he is simply too old to be interested in an Easter egg hunt and might be more of introvert, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Frankly, I would simply tell him that the choice is his and that he is welcome to join if he wants to but that you will respect his choice either way.

Then have a chat with his mother about your concerns with his weight and the fact that he is withdrawn.

The people who are suggesting he is punished for this: you are a bloody disgrace.

Mummame2222 · 30/03/2024 12:51

What’s the little dig about him being overweight all about?