Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

I don't disagree with you re. games in general.

I disagree that him declining to do an Easter Egg hunt should be the impetus for removing his games though. If the OP genuinely believes he has a problem then of course they should look at limiting his screen time etc. But we both know that that's completely different to going 'fine, don't come to the egg hunt but I'm turning the wi-fi off'.

Punishing non-attendance at an Easter party is in no way the same as being generally mindful of limiting screen time.

It doesn't sound like he's even asked for candy from the hunt? And he probably won't because he already has plenty, seems like a non issue although of course it would be ideal for him to be socialising. Eleven can be a difficult age, just give him some space.

Way to encourage reading as a pleasure, do you really make your children read as a punishment?

There is no way my DD aged 11 would want to join in and I'd be happy for her to read a book in her room- as long as she has said hello to all the guests. Its an awkward age OP. I think you need to be careful about the weight comments.

Turn off the wi-fi.😆
I'm not sure if some posters are on a wind-up.
Seems like the archetypal evil stepmum is real.

He’s 11 and telling you it’s not his thing. Let him do his thing, check on him occasionally and invite him to join you all for lunch. If he’s already got eggs and money from family he clearly isn’t that bothered about finding more.

He doesn’t need punishing or being actively excluded. Many kids by the time they are 11 would HATE an Easter Egg hunt [secretly I suspect the other older children may feel the same but won’t say so because they are coming to yours with parents as guests, so it’s a different social dynamic with its own pressure], so I would only say that he’s welcome to join you if he changes his mind and leave him to it. Personally, I would have had an optional alternative activity for older kids.

Are they?! I’ve always done one for my two until they were 28 and 26! 🤣

I don’t understand punishing children for not being up for seeing people today.

You’ve made plans for him, in his home so there’s no escape, and he’s just not up for it.

Children are actually people with thoughts and feelings. Not pawns in our socialising.

Imagine wanting to say no to something and DP actively punishing you. Forcing your children into situations they aren’t comfortable is not going to result in ‘well rounded socialable people’ it’s going to create anxiety uncomfortable feeling, upset and resentment. Some PPs need a little more compassion and listen to what their kids are actually telling them they need!

I wouldn't expect him to take part of he has opted out. Wouldn't give him a share of the extra eggs. I wouldn't punish him for not taking part by taking away his tech but if his screen time is capped and he would be using this to get extra I wouldn't let him.

Perhaps he was ok about it but not the dressing up? That would be me at that age.

Getting dressed not " dressing up"

He's 11 ..far to old for an egg hunt
No wonder he doesn't want to join in
Very mean to not let him have his share because you think he's overweight
You reminded me of my step mum

Ah just give him a little bag of sweets as a token of affection. Yeah miserable to not join in but he's a preteen. He will remember your kindness x

Just so you know, I get really fed up when people can't read posts properly. 🤣

I don't think it's unreasonable to say "you don't have to do the hunt, you can do something else, but just not screens".

I suppose if he can't relax in his own house without screens, then he has an issue, and I agree that it's probably not the best time to start addressing it

It's all depressing this sitting in the room gaming though, be nice to hear you say he can't join in this afternoon because he's out playing football with his mates, or something similar or gone swimming etc.

No wonder he's overweight if he sits and games all the time.
As for chocolate, does everyone need loads of chocolate just cause it's Easter.

I wouldn’t force an 11 year old to join an Easter egg hunt, especially with a bunch of children he doesn’t like. But I wouldn’t give him a share of the hunt eggs either, you have to participate to get those. He’s too old for it anyway, I’m surprised you ever thought he’d want to.

Agree with those who say encouraging him to participate in some small way and rewarding that is a good idea.

at this age they ARE beginning to state their preferences and on some things that’s absolutely ok. As they grow older they will learn that they have choices and those choices have consequences, so if he moans about not having any of the Easter egg hunt stuff, remind him it’s for those who took part only. If he helped you set it up or make teas/coffees then reward him but don’t punish him for saying he’ll give it a miss. He has to say hello and be social tho, but that doesn’t mean he’s forced to do anything.

the fact that he’s included but preferring to relax in his room means he’s comfortable in expressing himself and that’s really positive

it’s our job to guide them

he has a lot of growing up to do. He’ll get there with support and guidance, not punishment and stress.

your posts DO come across as not being very nice to him, but there’s no nuance in words on a screen.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.
I think his weight is very much a part of it.
He will be in competition with alot of other children, who will get to the hiding places faster & this is a situation that is probably makes him uncomfortable & unhappy.
I was that child.

Wow, that’s a reach. Where does it say OP doesn’t like him ? Or that he doesn’t like her. He just doesn’t want to join in. That’s fair enough but if he doesn’t he can’t expect to get the same extras the other kids who are taking part.

This. No way in hell would I have wanted to do an egg hunt with a 7 year old when I was 11.

Where is she punishing him ? He doesn’t want to take part in a game, the object of which is to find extra Easter goodies. That being the case it’s perfectly reasonable to say if he doesn’t take part, he can’t expect to share in the things the other children are finding for themselves by taking part. No one’s forcing him to take part, but he’ll benefit from learning that you can’t expect to be handed things for free, while others are having to work for them. That’s a good life lesson.

You said he couldn’t be bothered to get dressed and go outside? Is that correct or is there another reason? I’d have talked to him in case there was.

I don’t think your comments about his weight were OTT. It’s a vicious circle sometimes. Overweight children either feel uncomfortable physically so don’t want to do activities, or they start to feel self-conscious so don’t want to do activities with peers where their weight might be noticed. But then, as you imply, sitting in his room gaming isn’t going to help.

I would just save him one small egg as a token.

11 is too old really, and it's really no fun at all at this age to wander around carefully not finding too many eggs so that the younger children get plenty.

This was the age I started getting my older ones involved in going down the shop and choosing the eggs, and/or hiding them etc.

Work-life lesson.
It's an Easter egg hunt.
😂😂🫡