Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

The lads 11 he’s growing up and has no interest in it
leave him to his to own devices and don’t withhold Easter eggs from him
your idea of fun isn’t his

I wouldn’t make him. Or punish him. I’d give him the choice in a completely neutral manner but of course he doesn’t get the extra eggs if he doesn’t go and find them!

Why? They're not his guests, they're his stepmother's choice of guests. I wouldn't want to have to go and be sociable with my stepmother's friends and I wouldn't be doing so - I'd be staying out of the way - a polite hello and bugger off to my room (if I, as an adult, lived with my father and stepmother).

And don’t use no sweets as a punishment if he has weight issues

Why can't he go to his room if he doesn't want to attend the Easter party?

I think ita fair enough if he doesn't participate in hunting the eggs then he doesn't get the treat eggs that are found.

It's not unkind. I would just calmy say to him that if he doesn't participate then he doesn't get the eggs from the hunt. Your giving him a choice

I have an 11year old and tbh I would either encourage them to join in or they can sit out but they would have to sit downstairs with everyone else. No way would I be letting them sit upstairs gaming.

Also if she didn’t join in the hunt they wouldn’t be getting extra eggs.

I don’t care how unreasonable other people might think that sounds.

However I do think once it starts most children will want to get involved even pre-teens, as at this age they have a little bit of “I’m too cool” but I find it wears off quickly once everyone is having fun.

Enforced fun isn't fun.

He's one of the older children. Easter Egg hunts aren't his thing. Let him have some say in what he wants to do.

I don't really understand these comments about taking away his tech and effectively punishing him in some way, just because he doesn't want to join in a fairly childish activity.

Let him be. Give him a few of the little eggs as a nice gesture and leave him to it. Poor kid.

The DSS thing is a red herring. If my dc said they'd game instead of doing a planned activity they'd get very short shrift from me.

Most boys this age would game rather than doing anything else. Insist he comes and greets family. He doesn't have to do the hunt but then he doesn't get the chocolate. No sitting in his room gaming when you have visitors. I have 10 and 13yo DS so this is what I'd do.

What is it with this parental attitude that if kids don't want to participate in the forced organised fun, they're banned from having any fun whatsoever?

Why is spending time with family being used as a punishment for exercising their autonomy?

Tbh I would say an event with a houseful of people is not the time to be making any points about behaviour, joining in or expectations unless you are happy for there to be a scene and for guests and yourself to be upset. I would go with the flow, take it on the chin really. Least said and all that. You will enjoy the day much more, he might join in later with no pressure. Keep a portion of extra eggs for him , gifts are not given in response to running around if you don't want to. You could talk about it afterwards, you could decide to not do a hunt next year as its not for everyone any more. Hope you have a good time.

I can’t imagine a less enjoyable way to spend Easter than organising an egg hunt for loads of kids so I can see that it’s not for everyone.

No is a full sentence, but does that mean everyone can just opt out of every single thing they don't want to do?
He doesn't have to opt out of every single thing.
I listened to ds say he didn't want to do a ' fun' activity with his cousins but told him he had to go to my sisters wedding.
It's called picking your battles.
It's ok to stay in your comfort zone sometimes as well.

have you wifi turned off? appreciate he doesnt want to hunt for eggs but he wouldnt be gaming if lived in my house. and agree no extra eggs if he didnt join in. you sound like a great step parent btw
Why would you even do that. That's just petty and spiteful. The child doesn't want to be running around a garden or wherever looking for eggs, and I can't say I blame him. So to make things worse while other people are doing things they like do something to make the day worse for him.

I'm sure some people forget that they were children once with feelings and opinions

My children are going on an Easter egg hunt later. DSD isn't. She's a bit older than your DSS (12) and doesn't want to do things like that.
She's going shopping with her friends but I wouldn't mind if she wanted to stay home and game.
Leave him be but obviously he doesn't get any eggs from the hunt, although I'd let him have the Mini eggs.

I understand why he doesn’t want to join in, although I think it’s a little disrespectful of him. It’s fair that he doesn’t get any of the eggs or sweets that are only for the hunt.

@Caluse so you are punishing a child who makes a reasonable choice ? They aren't his guests. They are his parents/step parents, so he isn't a host.

Honestly poor kid, no wonder the mental health issues in this age group are growing. They appear in a lot of homes to have absolutely no autonomy nor voice.

Children need to develop these skills in small incremental steps to develop into well bounded adults.

All of this punishment for having his voice and then in six months wonder why they didn't disclose something important. You can't have it both ways.

It isn't new, I am nearly 50 I remember from about age 10+ this was my absolute nightmare, forced family fun. Thankfully I had an amazing mother who got me and understood my voice mattered. I am very social and large groups of friends but for a few years I needed to be able to step away, and play my Gameboy or read a billion romance stories!

Also if he's overweight, it's not one day of easter eggs that's the issue, it's his general diet and exercise day to day.

YABU to allow him to sit on his game in his room whilst you have guests round, how incredibly rude. Fair enough if he doesn’t want to take part in the hunt he doesn’t have to but he wouldn’t be getting the eggs, the children hunting for them get the eggs.

They're not his friends or his choice of guests though.

Which to me makes a difference - I wouldn't expect my kids to have hung around when I had my friends over for an evening, and this isn't any different.

So you've hidden 80 eggs for 20 children? It all sounds a lot of stress for 4 eggs each! You must be very good at hiding eggs (or have a massive garden) or it'll be a pretty short hunt. 😂

In answer to your actual question I wouldn't force him, it sounds pretty intense and I wouldn't have enjoyed that as. Fair that if he doesn't join in he doesn't get any extra eggs though.

Why TAF would you punish him for not wanting to join in? If I was his Mum I'd be bloody fuming. Your DH sounds appalling enabling your ridiculous drama. Maybe he'd rather be in his own home and not jumping through hoops for plastic eggs. Give your head a wobble and leave him alone. He might have come on board minus the pressure, I would hate my children spending time being made to feel like this.

Ooh really? Mine wouldn't have wanted to do an easter egg hunt with 6 year old at 11! I wouldn't have made them sit quietly with a book, that seems a bit Victorian.
Mine would have found an egg hunt with little kids undignified, especially if people are filming the younger children and he is sensitive about his weight, seeing as you mentioned it op.

I'm going to go against the grain here.
I'm presuming he is NT?

I'd not force him to join in the egg hunt but I would expect him to be polite and sociable with the guests and not sit in his room by himself all day.

I would certainly keep him a little box of the eggs from the egg hunt. What difference does it make? It seems like a punishment for not joining in otherwise.

Easter isn't the time to think about a child's weight. That can be addressed afterwards.

Why? He doesn't need a consequence for not doing something he doesn't want to.

He's old enough to say no if he knows he won't enjoy it.
I'd still give him an egg or two (not sure the size), a little bit less than if he found them himself but certainly not none.
Don't you like him?