Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

YANBU to say no hunt = no eggs. He's old enough to decide he doesn't want to join in, but also old enough to understand the consequences.
It's not as if he will get no eggs at all he will still have his other eggs.

Posters saying they would force their child to join in are BVU.

That’s ok and that’s your opinion but to me in this situation it wouldn’t make a difference. I would think if he’s known these children for 6 years and some since birth he will of played with them many of times. I stand by it being rude to stay in his bedroom whilst a family gathering is going on

Would he be interested in helping set up the egg hunt? He could write clues for the others to follow and it could be more of a treasure hunt style

I can see where you're coming from, I just see it differently.

This is very much being driven by the OP, and she hasn't said that she's included any of his friends, it's all her children and her family and their friends.

That, to me, is like me living with my dad and his wife and her family and friends being there - to be honest I wouldn't go round if it was her family and friends unless for a wedding or a funeral - but if I lived there, I'd be polite and friendly, say hello and then bugger off.

Of course he doesn’t have to participate if he doesn’t want to, ffs. It’s no biggie, he’s got his own mind and has made a decision. And of course he doesnt get the eggs he would have got if he did participate - that’s life. He’s already got some other eggs so presumably is happy with that.

I'm 36 and very much looking forward to the Easter egg hunt my mum's doing on Sunday thank you very much!

Yup, just told my 14 year old about this thread and she said ‘that’s stupid, don’t listen to them, we’re still doing the egg hunt, aren’t we?!’

I think it's sad that an 11 year old child would think that an Easter egg hunt is too childish, and that so many adults also agree with this notion and would allow a child to opt out of a family event.

I would not allow any of my children to sit in their rooms while we had visitors in the house and an event going on. This child is 11 and should learn that sometimes you have to take part in activities you don't want to do. This is also why so many kids are fat - because they stay in their rooms gaming instead of burning off energy and getting fresh air.

This is the reason why so many of the school leavers I have worked with are incredibly entitled, with ridiculously low boredom thresholds, minimal social skills and horribly selfish attitudes.

I understand the difficulty OP, it's hard when it's your DSS and you can't parent in the same way. I wouldn't be giving him any of the egg hunt chocolate.

Because 11 year olds will game to the exclusion of everything else, even things that they are interested in. Games can be uniquely addictive, and 11 year olds don't have adult self control. If he really doesn't want to join in, then I wouldn't force him, but no sitting out just because of gaming inertia.

I second this

There's absolutely no evidence from what the OP says that this is the case.

No treats if he doesn't take part. If he doesn't search for them why should he benefit. That's just encouraging him to be lazy.

I'd also say no game time. He doesn't have to take part but he doesn't get to be anti social and sit in his room gaming ,he has to be downstairs with the rest of the family

It sounds like a lovely day that you have planned OP.
Is he possibly conscious of his weight and doesn't want to go running / competing with the others?
I'd let him sit out but agree with you about asking him to help you a bit. I'd give him a fixed time for gaming as he might need it to switch off for a bit and then ask him to come down so he helps you and is there when they come back in.
I'd not give him the small eggs from the hunt but I would give him the one you have for each child. Keep the communication open and try and prevent him from going in on himself which is what could have happened here.
I have weight issues and as a child I didn't always behave as well as I should out of self-consciousness rather than anything else.
What you and your DH could do is look at whether there's something you can do to support healthier eating and exercise on an ongoing basis. The earlier he breaks the junk food habit the better. I've got a similar issue with one of my children - she's 10 - and we are working to do this too. Im getting her more involved with meal planning / cooking and also encouraging her to go outside with friends by giving her more independence too.

he has to be downstairs with the rest of the family

This attitude is why I couldn't wait to leave home and did so as soon as possible. OP doesn't even sound like she likes him much. Perhaps he doesn't feel particularly part of this family. She even mentions how 'their other children' are active and she has no concerns about their weight.

So an overweight kid who games all the time is nothing to worry about?

If he's gaming all the time, there should be restrictions on his gaming on a regular day by day basis.

If he's overweight, that should be tackled on a regular day by day basis.

The day to die on that hill is not a day of Easter Egg hunts with people he doesn't want to spend time with.

This

They don't have to be "little waiters" why is chatting to people being a waiter?
I do genuinely think it it is good for kids to learn how to act in a range of social settings. I was a stepchild and have a stepchild so appreciate family things can be tough but we are raising a generation of social incompetents (DH works in a Uni and has done done for years he says year on year the social skills are getting worse). We learn skills by being in boring and uncomfortable situations. My kids including my stepchild have done lots of different social situations, two of them are shy and they have to take time to be comfortable. If I let them hide away in their rooms everytime we had people round they wouldn't be able to hold a conversation they way they can now.
Sometimes its ok to tell kids what to do and be a bit controlling it's what good parents do. Sometimes the path of least resistance isn't the best.

Just leave him alone. Let him game while the others do an Easter egg hunt (which he's too old for).

He's got plenty of other chocolate and clearly isn't bothered if he gets any more.

Maybe, just maybe, he's aware that he's a bit bigger than he'd like to be and is sitting out because he doesn't want any more chocolate.

Whatever the reason, it isn't rude. He's told you he'd rather do something else. Just leave him to it.

His father shouldn’t just do whatever you say. His father should parent his son!!

eggs and treats are for those that participate in the hunt / actually find them.

That isn’t a punishment but simply a natural consequence of not participating in this particular activity.
Why should other children give him some of the eggs they found when he didn’t participate?

just let him play his game, tell him that he’s very welcome to join whenever he wants and leave him to it.

Not sure it was relevant to mention his weight tbh

Poor kid. Why is reading a punishment and why can't he play his game? He's 11, it's a bank holiday weekend for God's sake. Let him do what he wants.

And OP, why have you mentioned his weight. Would you be so judgmental if SS was a girl?

Thought not.

11 is a difficult age to be, also reading between the lines it sounds like it the other children attending the easter egg hunt rather than the hunt.

I would respect his autonomy to make a decision and if appriorate ask more about the relationship with the other children - maybe something has happened etc to make your DSS feel uncomfortable or unwanted. Definatley not punish him for expressing his feelings and being honest about them.

He hasn't been rude he just been honest - sometimes thats a brave thing to do.

That was the impression I got. At 11 he's a bit old for Easter Egg hunts and I wouldn't expect him to be interested.