Dss doesn’t want to take part in Easter egg hunt

[Ohitsallbullshit]

I am hosting an Easter egg hunt today for approx 20 children aged 7-13. They are my dc, nephews, nieces and friends dc. Dss is 11, has known most of these children for at lease 6 years, some since he was born.
He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them. He will sit in his room and game for the time our friends and family are here.

Aibu to say he won’t get any extra eggs and sweets then? I have hidden approx 80 small plastic eggs with sweets and chocolate inside them and they all have a mini eggs boxed egg to take home also.

he already has 4 larger eggs and some money from family and goes to his mums tomorrow. Plus he’s over weight but he will be upset if he doesn’t get the extra the others will get by running around the garden searching.

If you are so worried about junk food why are you doing an Easter Egg hunt?

It's worth rethinking this approach.

Teaching children that what they want doesn't matter, they can't politely decline, they can't say no, they have to grin and bear it, that it's bad manners to express discomfort/a preference.

Being a people pleaser doesn't generally lead to good mental health.

He's just being a bit contrary - leave him to game in his room if he wants to.

There was no need to mention that he's overweight.

I'd say he doesn't have to join in the hunt but he has to come down to socialise. It's a big bear of mine that kids aren't being taught basic manners anymore, you don't shut yourself in your room when there are guests.

It's mn op. His df isn't home. Send the buggar home....
Problem solved..
Meanwhile irl imo he needs to feel left out. Of his own doing. At 14 my ds happily joined in. Currently sat eating an Easter egg at 52. Never told old for eggs...

He is 11, I wouldn't expect any child to choose a hunt past the age of 7. He is or about to be in secondary this would be social death to mine!

Why are you mandating your version of fun? His version is his games. What are you loosing by him choosing his fun?

He is getting to an age where socialising changes. Don't force a child you will end up with a miserable child and miserable event. Why not respect his choice- but show him how to communicate his choice appropriately.

His weight is not an issue on a day of sweets and I hope all around have the cop on not to mention weight to an 11 year old!

Let his parents address the weight as you appear to have a younger mind set in your comments, this is fine but 11+ is a whole new ball game. They can find some cool activities that will work.

Meet him where he is, it's a tough age and keeping communication and understanding their changed needs and wants will help maintain a healthy relationship.

I would get him to help with hiding the eggs, or helping make drinks, or talking to his Aunties or whatever. No way would any of mine be gaming when we had guests round (and they are much older).

This.

Controlling much? How embarrassing for them being trotted around like little waiters.

@NuffSaidSam I do agree up to a point, which is why I said if there was a good reason. Such as if he found it very overwhelming.

But it's not good for mental health to shut yourself in your room whenever there is something that you're not keen on. A lot of teens/pre teens will do this. Especially when they can be gaming.

There's people pleasing but there's also just being rude and unsociable.

Definitely never too old for an Easter egg hunt! I did one in the office for the team I manage (15 ppl, aged 20-50 both M&F) and even the most cynical middle aged men who had made grumpy comments about not being 5 any more ended up enthusiastically crawling round under desks looking for chocolate!

I agree with PP about offering him a helping role to get him involved somehow, but if he really doesn’t want to then it’s fine that he doesn’t get a share of the loot. He does at least have to come down and say hello to everyone though.

Standard in my family growing up, and for my kids now. Everyone in the family helps to host.

You are in for fun teenage/young adult years

I thought this too, about his weight, poor lad.

Did you or his parents try to talk to him what is the real reason he doesnt want to do the egg hunt? Is it because he really doesnt enjoy it? What is it he doesnt enjoy? Perhaps he doesnt like the big group of children? Does he feel he is too old for this? Does he actually want to be elsewhere? Is he sulking because he feels its forced on him, would he like to have a choice of saying no? Is he doing it as a way of saying he is unhappy about something else?

He has just said he doesn’t want to do the hunt as doesn’t like them.

If they talk about him the way you do, then it’s hardly surprising.

Just leave him to enjoy his Easter and think about how you would like a stepparent to treat your children.

I hated enforced fun when I was a kid. I still do now. Sounds like kid feels the same.

11 is old enough to give up the Easter hunt. I remember ds1 walking round rolling his eyes, pointing, saying, there's one there, another there and another over there. It was time to retire that game!!

Hell of a bitchy comment about his weight though. That hasn't added anything to the story and sounds quite nasty.

im not going to make him come out of his room, I will ask if he wants to make tea and coffee for people as he enjoys doing so sometimes.

if he participates in the day then he can have the mini boxed one but I’m thinking if he chooses to not take part at all then he won’t have any of todays.

for people saying he’s too old, There are only 2 7 year old and the rest 10+ the 13 + year olds are looking forward to it.

his df will support whatever I say, in fact he would prefer he didn’t have the extra eggs because of his weight. I didn’t mean the weight comment to sound unkind, but it’s a worry we have atm. our other 3 children are very active and we don’t have the same issues

Some of the answers on here are atrocious.

By all means sit and have a chat about helping out rather than going and gaming by himself, but this attitude of punishment for not want to participate is vile.

Kids are allowed to not want to do things, and they shouldn't be punished or forced into socialising with family if they don't want to. All that does is teach them that they have no right to make their own decisions about what they are and aren't comfortable with.

Forced fun isn’t fun. i gave my 17 yo easter chocolates but didn’t make him run around the garden to find/earn it.

**
for people saying he’s too old, There are only 2 7 year old and the rest 10+ the 13 + year olds are looking forward to it.”

But he isn’t! Everyone is different.

Someone said he had to join in an not spoil it for everyone else.

I disagree. He is 11, he is a bit old for an Easter Egg hunt. He is growing up and beginning to make decisions for himself. He has told you he doesn't want to do it. Respect his choices whenever possible. Sometimes he will have to go with the majority, but this isn't one of them.

I would leave him to do what he wants. Everyone else is enjoying themselves in the garden, he is enjoying his holiday in his room gaming with his friends. I suspect he might join in later.

But, the flip side of respecting his choices is that he doesn't get any loot from the hunt. If he wants the eggs, he hunts for them. Choices have consequences and this is a good time to show that in a non-confrontational manner.

Did you or his parents try to talk to him what is the real reason he doesnt want to do the egg hunt? Is it because he really doesnt enjoy it? What is it he doesnt enjoy? Perhaps he doesnt like the big group of children? Does he feel he is too old for this? Does he actually want to be elsewhere? Is he sulking because he feels its forced on him, would he like to have a choice of saying no? Is he doing it as a way of saying he is unhappy about something else?
Why does it have to be so deep.
On Mn 'No' is seen as full sentence if you don't want to do something.
The child has said he doesn't want to do it, he knows what's involved and what could be in it for him but he still doesn't want to do it.
There's a time and place for an inquestion.

If you really are concerned about his weight why are you worrying about the extra bit of chocolate he may/may not be allowed today, when you're sending him back to his mum's with '4 larger eggs'?

To add to my other post, if he sits out I think it would be fair if he doesn’t get the sweets from the hunt (and you explain this to him first in case it influences his decision) but I would still give him the boxed egg.