Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

I have a DS and a DD and by the time DS reached 8 he either went in to the male changing room or we used a family one if available as DS is very tall so looked a lot older even at 8, he's 21 and 6f 5 now.
There is no reason why a male over the age of 8/9 needs to be in the female changing room especially if there is only communal changing available & no seperate cubicle.

YANBU but I doubt the complaint to the mum or the gym will change the mums attitude or her doing it.

You were right to complain. This is ridiculous.

While I appreciate your discomfort, I also wouldn't be comfortable sending my dc into a male changing room where I assume there would be a similar set up with grown males and him being naked in the same space.

To add, I don't mollycoddle my children, and dd9 changes alone in the frame changing rooms at swimming lessons because they're children only. It's the addition of unknown, naked adults that would make me uncomfortable.

Yes he should have definitely been in the male changing area at that age

Every pool I've been to has had signs up saying anyone over 8 has to use the correct changing room for their sex. I though that was an industry standard of some sort.

My son is 11 and he always uses the men’s changing rooms alone. He manages fine, he likes the independence actually, and it’s the right thing for everyone.

Edit to add: this is just at kids swimming lessons though. We aren’t ever in the situation where there are adults around changing. I think then I’d tell him to get a locking cubicle to change.

I actually think he would be the more vulnerable one in the male changing room in this situation but you are not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable so I think the gym are in the wrong for not providing any cubicles.

I definitely remember sexualised comments from boys in late primary- totally inappropriate for them to be in women’s changing rooms.

Swim England safeguarding advice is under 8 need supervision.

My kids have always used their sex changing from 8 onwards rather than the one with the parent.

Then you find a new gym/pool that has a family changing space.

Other women don't have to just put up with this because women like you feel entitled to make them uncomfortable by bringing in sons old enough to get themselves dressed.

My ds started using the male changing rooms from 9 years old. That's normally when kids are expected to use the changing room appropriate to their sex. And yes I would've preferred for him to be in with me but that isn't other women's problem

What was the response from gym staff when you complained?
Make a formal complaint in writing as well?

What's the gym's policy? I remember I used to go to a pool that had signs saying children over 8 must use own sex changing room

They were a bit horrified! The age limit is 7 apparently

Oh that's a more positive response than I expected. Hopefully they have/will speak to the mum about future visits and which changing room her DS should use.

And what about the vulnerability of women and girls? What if one of his female year 7 classmates was trying to get changed with him watching!

If people are not comfortable sending their children into another changing room they need to find a pool with cubicles.

It's always the girls who need to put up with males in their spaces.

I would use a family cubicle or send ds in a cubicle on his own (in the female changing room) at that age. But, what are you afraid of an 11 Yr old boy doing?

It was communal changing as OP said in her post so no cubicle option.

It's not about fearing an 11 year old boy it's about the comfort of the other women & girls that use the female changing room. They are entitled to be there he is not.

She thinks an 11 year old is entitled to be in a female changing space? No way. Please report her.

YANBU if the gym policy is own sex changing room from age 7 then they were clearly out of order.

I'd ask the gym to make sure this much better signposted.

Just because a male isn't a rapist/perv doesn't mean they get to colonise spaces meant for women and girls, wd are allowed our dignity surely?

I can’t get that excited about this tbh. He’s only 11. DS7 is autistic so a long way from coping on his own in the men’s. I think a little consideration goes a long way and yes ofc that works both ways.

OTOH I wouldn’t use a gym with no cubicles, whether bringing a child or not.

Then you need to use another gym/have him get changed at home/get changed in the toilet.

Right, I get it, but females (of all ages) won't feel comfortable with him in their space either. He's not more important.