Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

@Longma

I am with you, I do no want to be wriggling out of a wet swimming costume in front of an audience - any audience.

I actually find being in an open women’s changing room stressful - unless you are in a private gym there will be children, and I don’t like getting changed in front of them - any of them - male, female, young or old, mainly because I don’t want to be exposing myself to them, they’re kids. And then there’s the noise, screaming, monopolising of showers, playing, splashing, crying. No. Not for me, don’t like it.

You’re contradicting yourself you might say… my viewpoint is that if children need to be in the women’s change to be safeguarded and supported by their mothers then that’s fine because that is more important than my lack of ease with my own body…. My view is that I would rather that children were safe and me slightly inconvenienced, irritated or uncomfortable, than my lack of tolerance be responsible for them coming to harm.

But it's not just you in the changing room.
There are 11 yo girls in their too who do not what a boy who could be a classmate seeing them in a state of undress. Why does his need for safety Trump there's when they are accessibg the space designated for them?

Because putting a child at risk of molestation or other serious harm is unforgivable.

Life ruining.

I don’t see why girls are able to be protected by their mothers and 8+ boys are put at so much risk.

As much as I don’t like it with men being present, I do think it needs to be unisex changing with cubicles now.

Girls are just using the space designated for them. If you are concerned for your sons safety in the male space then you need to choose venues with family spaces or unisex cubicle spaces. Women & girls should not be exposed to over age males in female spaces because of the decisions you make around parenting your child.

Stop dressing up your misogyny as safeguarding, women & girls are not human shields.

This is going round in circles, if you don't agree with the policy you don't go there, it's that simple.

I safeguard my daughter by not going to places I think may be unsuitable, if the female changing rooms say no 8+ and there is no family changing then you go somewhere else where you can safeguard your boy.

I think a lot of the confusion is around the equality act and disability access for me.

I’m being fed the message that my child should be able to go to all venues the same as any other child.

And that everywhere should be accessible or else able to be challenged legally.

This is not compatible with the ideology that we should just go elsewhere.

(by the way I do not, nor do I intend to pick out places specifically to challenge female spaces… I am talking about where facilities are absent or closed)

Again, if children are allowed to be present they need to have a family changing area, with cubicles so all children are provided for, disabled and able bodied, males and females.

It is the venues responsibility to provide accessible spaces for those that need them. It is not the venues responsibility to allow you to take your over aged son in to the female space.

Your problem is with the venue. The solution is force them legally to provide accessible spaces or choose to go somewhere that does provide it. The solution is not to ignore the boundaries of women & girls. There is no legal standing for you to take your ovwer age son in the female space.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

The venue states use the ladies or we’ll clear the ladies while you change.

Then what?

The venue won't.

If it has male spaces and if your child is not disabled and they lack disabled spaces then they won't tell you to use the female space or clear out the female space either.

You have options but for some reason you are adamant your parenting choices entitle you to ignore the venues rules and female boundaries & rights. You are part if the problem.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

This has happened with friends of mine with older disabled boys. 🤷‍♀️

As I said unless the boy is disabled and their access space is ooo, they will not clear out the ladies just for a boy who's mum has decided he cannot use the male space.

No we are saying mothers have a choice to use a venue that has family/unisex changing. If the venue cannot meet their needs then don't go there.
There is no right for over aged boys to access the female area. The fact that you believe your parenting choices for your son override the privacy & dignity of women & girls is disgusting.

If we're going to start calling things unforgivable then taking males into the female changing would come under that category too.

You choose a venue that DOES respect women only spaces.

A male over the allowed has no right to be in a female space.

I asked that- apparently we should tell them to re open the ladies and go and clear the mens instead.

I think there is an over estimation of how far good will towards disabled people stretches in these situations- it’s really a case of get what you are given, not pick from a menu of accommodations.

But if you’re not dealing with the attitude of able bodied society every day you probably can’t conceive of what it’s like.

Do you realise how pointless comments like this are?

you are soaking wet and have continence issues you need to deal with NOW, and the accessible space is suddenly inaccessible-

when someone offers you an empty room so your carer isn’t doing personal intimate care at the side of the pool

(remember chucking a changing robe on doesn’t negate the need for continence based intimate care)…

you should go back in time and choose a different venue!

I also don’t like to strip off in front of other women, and always go in cubicles. I actually feel uncomfortable when women “let it all hang out” and seemingly just stand about naked (rather than as a means to get dried and dressed) which yes has happened quite often. Some women are also very IMO inappropriate about drying their crotches in public.

I do find the idea that all women are of the ‘all in it together, jolly hocky sticks’ variety when it comes to being starkers in public- personally I am, but out of all the women I spend time with the vast majority aren’t and hate group changing rooms.

I don’t actually see what the point of group changing is (apart from being convenient for the mothers of girls and cheaper for the venue obviously)- I’d get rid of the whole bloody lot if I was king.

But this thread isn't about your personal needs. You can access the female space as you are female so there would be no need to do anything by the side of the pool. This is about over age males in female spaces.

If your son needs such personal care relating to incontinence then there are toilets so no need to do it at the side of the pool. And if the accessible toilet is ooo you ask that the male one can be cleared so your son can access it.

Classic gaslighting. Of course he isn't going to "do" anything, his mum is there. The fact is most women and girls would have felt uncomfortable getting naked in front of an 11 year old boy. My ds wouldn't have been caught dead in our leisure centre's cubicled woman's changing rooms at 8.

Taking a male child into a women’s changing room is on a par to sexual assault of a child, is it? What planet are you on?