Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Yes I’m aware, it’s why I don’t want them in the womens changing rooms, funnily enough. 11 year old girls are also aware of what 11 year old boys are like, hence why they don’t want to get undressed in front of them. What are the chances of a male child being attacked in the male changing rooms anyway? Any stats?

If you aren’t happy sending your son to the male changing rooms, that doesn’t mean you get to bring him into the womens, it means you find somewhere with family changing.

Think for that time period (over 9 but unable to dress yourself) you need to find another work around that isn’t going into the women’s. Find a place with family changing or do what a pp did with crocs and a dry robe. Or get the dad to do the swim run.

At 10/11, 50% of the girls have very much started puberty, whereas almost none of the boys have.

It is really really horrible and entitled to bring a 10 year old boy in to an open female changing room, in a swimming pool, where his female class mates are getting naked. Horrible.

And I do wonder if we can trace all the adult male entitlement that currently exists back down to all this, this constant message that the girls feelings don't matter, only yours my darling boy.

You find another plan. A changing area with cubicles (not walking past a female open space to get to them). A male to bring him. A dry robe and a rush through the changing room. Whatever. What you absolutely do not do is give your son the message that he is more important than the girls.

DD12 would hands down refuse to get changed if there was a boy over 8 (or approx) in the changing room!

I also have a DS10, who happily goes into the men's. He understands fully why women and girls dont want him in their spaces.

TBH, he would be embarrassed of changing in front of them too, and I don't blame him!

Usually by 8 children are expected to change in their own sex rooms.

Over 8 in same sex changing rooms is a common rule.

He should go in the men's, and he should also be taught not to stare at people getting changed - very rude.

If parents of boys aged 8-12 are uncomfortable with their sons in the correct sex changing room, they should be complaining to the management about inadequate family changing facilities. Not just using the wrong ones.

It won't change if there are no complaints.

You were within your rights but the gym needs to ensure that they have provision first children/adults over 8 that need input from an opposite sex carer. Dp has had this issue many times because dsd needs lots of help (severe sn's) municipal places are usually ok and have family/disabled changing pods but private places don't always, but they have temporarily closed one changing room to allow him to change her, unfortunate for anyone in a hurry!

Dd started her periods at 10 in last year of primary. They are not little children any more.

I gave up swimming (a sport I loved) at 8 because of mums bringing in 11 and 12 year old boys who’d stare at my developing boobs or, on one occasion, grab them. Mums oblivious and/or focused on other kids.

I’m an adult now so it’s different but I still remember how I felt back then and girls should be prioritised in their spaces. If male spaces aren’t appropriate then that’s for parents of boys to solve, not girls.

Otherwise you just end up with an adult male changing room and a boys changing room, and the only girls and women who can attend are the ones who can put up with sharing their space.

My son is 7 and already hates going into the women’s - I can’t imagine an 11 year old even being okay with this! At least the gym’s response is somewhat heartening, and hopefully there will be more clarity from them in future. I feel for you, OP, I would absolutely hate this.

What if it were the other way round? Should a dad take a 11yo daughter into the male changing room?

No.

Of course not. Why should men be subjected to a girl staring at their naked bodies? Tbh , I can’t imagine the sort of ‘dad’ who would want to do that ( or maybe I can).

Exactly. I wasn't saying they should btw!
Just making the point that it's inappropriate, regardless of which way round it is.

I have seen people justifying dads taking girls into the female facilities.

I hate this, I am very adept at changing under a towel due to a previous gym where the boys would run in and out of the female changing area and were definitely around 10 years old. I remember getting changed once and heard a boy say to his friend/brother ‘I saw her boobies! Keep watching!’ why should I try and force my clothes on whilst I’m still damp to prevent this? I should be able to be comfortable enough that I can dry and put my clothes on without worrying about flashing some pre teen lads. I always noticed mum usually had toddlers to wrangle and older male children and then when I saw them later in the cafe Dad was there. Dad had a great time, swimming and changing unencumbered.

Why didn't you tell him This is the women's room, you are too old to be in here, leave.

I'd certainly have asked him why he was watching me change!

No.

Absolutely spot on 🙂

From a Grumpy Accountant 😯

a 40 yo man probably wouldn’t do anything either if his mother and a few other women were present as well, would he?

It’s not about what he would realistically do.
It is about comfort, having a safe changing room and privacy.

and what about the girls his age?

Do you expect an 11/12 year old girl to fully undress and change into her swimming costume in front of an 11/12 year old boy??

And let’s not forget that one of his actual classmates would have been present! I would have been incredibly upset if a classmate walked in on me when I was getting changed at the local swimming pool. And I’m fairly certain that most girl would still feel that way today!

I was sexually assaulted by 11 year old boys when I was 10.

So maybe something like that?

What? Absolutely not!
unfair to the 11yo girl and to the boys and men present!

If an 11 yo girl absolutely can’t use the women’s changing rooms (without her father being present), they should go somewhere with different changing facilities.
or she should get changed in a toilet stall / cubicle!

Oh, please 🤬 Speaking purely for myself, I'm not afraid of anything that an eleven year old boy will do. Neither am I afraid of what an adult male will do (but recognise completely that many women feel differently 🙏)

However, how scared I feel is completely irrelevant. Boys over the age of 8 and men do not belong in a female only changing space. Not my lovely male friends, nor me dad. I wish to mix with women and girls only when changing.

What, in the name of all that's holy, is hard to understand about that?