Page 5 | Kids in changing room at gym

Snowypony · 2024-03-30T09:19:12+00:00

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11 when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff. I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

GrumpyPanda · 30/03/2024 13:57

Prinnny · 30/03/2024 10:10

YANBU, I don’t want to be stared at by a preteen whilst I’m getting ready, I had it recently but the boy was younger around 8 so was allowed to be there as per the spas policy but he never broke eye contact and it made me really uncomfortable. I know it’s curiousity and not malicious but it’s just yuk. The mum was completely oblivious chatting away on her phone.

Had that too and if it ever happens again I would have no problem at all challenging the child directly. If the mother doesn't like it she can fuck off since she plainly can't be bothered doing basic parenting.

Tagyoureit · 30/03/2024 13:58

GrumpyPanda · 30/03/2024 13:52

There's absolutely no problem with open-plan single-sex spaces. Cubicles are claustrophobic and impractical (what do you do with dry clothes or towels when using a shower cubicle, leave them out of your sight?). They need much more space and thus raise costs for the pool or gym and ultimately each customer. There's also a sense of camaraderie in women's spaces that you're wanting to abolish in favour of an anonymous dystopia set-up. No thanks - but obviously that depends on everybody sticking to a set of commonly agreed rules of civilized behaviour.

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I disagree, I'd still prefer a cubicle in a same sex changing room. I don't want to be completely naked in front of strangers even women and that how I feel.

LaCouleurDeMonCiel · 30/03/2024 14:01

Something similar happened to me, pool
changing room, I told a woman with a little girl and a boy looking way too old that from 8 boys are usually expected to go to the male changing room, the nanny said ‘well he is 8’ … and the little girl ‘no, he is 12!’ FFS who lies about that?

Mrbumpssmile · 30/03/2024 14:03

GrumpyPanda · 30/03/2024 13:52

There's absolutely no problem with open-plan single-sex spaces. Cubicles are claustrophobic and impractical (what do you do with dry clothes or towels when using a shower cubicle, leave them out of your sight?). They need much more space and thus raise costs for the pool or gym and ultimately each customer. There's also a sense of camaraderie in women's spaces that you're wanting to abolish in favour of an anonymous dystopia set-up. No thanks - but obviously that depends on everybody sticking to a set of commonly agreed rules of civilized behaviour.

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I think many women wouldn't be happy with that, especially having experienced all the bullying and sexualised comments from girls in school changing rooms and in school swimming lessons!

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 14:09

Februaryfeels · 30/03/2024 12:15

Remember the thread a few months ago when a dad thought he should be able to take his DD into the women's toilets.

And the cool girls saying that was perfectly ok

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Toilets with cubicles aren't quite the same as an open changing area though.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/03/2024 14:15

The only solution which keeps everyone happy, (assuming transpeople can have respect for others) is...

An open female area, for just biological females and all children under 8.

Plus 2. An open male area for just biological males and all children under 8.

Plus 3. Quite a few largish extra mixed sex cubicles for families, boys over 8 who aren't comfortable in men's, trans, anyone with any disabilities which require more space/more privacy.

kitsuneghost · 30/03/2024 14:15

I would find it weird that a mother of an 11 year old boy would be happy with me walking around naked in front of her son.

TheaBrandt · 30/03/2024 14:25

My friend who frankly is quite tiger mother about her sons went with one into the mens changing - the men went mad and several complained- fair enough don’t know what she was thinking?!

TheaBrandt · 30/03/2024 14:30

We have a simple little private pool that has one room for men one for women no cubicles no budget for all these numerous variations that seem required these days - live in fear of it closing down in any event. Thankfully never had an issue only ever seen toddler boys in the women’s.

Northernparent68 · 30/03/2024 14:34

KnickerlessFlannel · 30/03/2024 09:27

While I appreciate your discomfort, I also wouldn't be comfortable sending my dc into a male changing room where I assume there would be a similar set up with grown males and him being naked in the same space.

In reality he’d be safe in the men’s changing room

Kitesinthesky · 30/03/2024 14:56

My DS is 7, disabled and when he turns 8 we will be using a family space, disabled toilet or asking for alternate space (obviously I can’t leave him to go into men’s alone and invariably we are out without his Dad)

I would feel the same even if he weren’t disabled… 8 is a fair cut off point… but I don’t know what mothers are supposed to do to safeguard their sons.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 30/03/2024 15:14

Kitesinthesky · 30/03/2024 14:56

My DS is 7, disabled and when he turns 8 we will be using a family space, disabled toilet or asking for alternate space (obviously I can’t leave him to go into men’s alone and invariably we are out without his Dad)

I would feel the same even if he weren’t disabled… 8 is a fair cut off point… but I don’t know what mothers are supposed to do to safeguard their sons.

Of course they want to safeguard their sons, but hopefully we will agree that should never come at the expense of others?

AngryLikeHades · 30/03/2024 15:20

LemonPeonies · 30/03/2024 09:54

I would use a family cubicle or send ds in a cubicle on his own (in the female changing room) at that age. But, what are you afraid of an 11 Yr old boy doing?

What in the Christ????
It's not just about a women's privacy, it's about how the young boy grows up and learns how to view women in the future.
I'd hate for a young boy to see me naked getting changed.

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:41

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 30/03/2024 09:33

Then you find a new gym/pool that has a family changing space.

Other women don't have to just put up with this because women like you feel entitled to make them uncomfortable by bringing in sons old enough to get themselves dressed.

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So so so weird. Why would a woman feel uncomfortable by a child, of either sex, a woman scared of a child needs therapy. So utterly weird to sexualise him just because he’s a boy.

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:44

AngryLikeHades · 30/03/2024 15:20

What in the Christ????
It's not just about a women's privacy, it's about how the young boy grows up and learns how to view women in the future.
I'd hate for a young boy to see me naked getting changed.

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You’d ‘hate’ it?! Why??so much projection on a child.

I recommend you don’t travel, especially to France, Germany, Italy, Sweden, Norway, etc

you will be HORRIFIED at how natural they are with nudity and the healthy attitude they have to non sexualising nudity at places like pools, beaches and saunas.

MaterialGirlAllDay · 30/03/2024 15:56

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:41

So so so weird. Why would a woman feel uncomfortable by a child, of either sex, a woman scared of a child needs therapy. So utterly weird to sexualise him just because he’s a boy.

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It is not just women!

It's the dignity and privacy of women & girls in their female space. It is also teaching boys about female boundaries. Do you see that as a bad thing?

MaterialGirlAllDay · 30/03/2024 15:58

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:44

You’d ‘hate’ it?! Why??so much projection on a child.

I recommend you don’t travel, especially to France, Germany, Italy, Sweden, Norway, etc

you will be HORRIFIED at how natural they are with nudity and the healthy attitude they have to non sexualising nudity at places like pools, beaches and saunas.

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Why are womens boundaries so easily dismissed?

We are not in any other country we are in the UK where single sex places exist. Why do you think males and yes male children over a certain age get to ignore these boundaries?
Why are women at fault for not wanting males in female spaces?

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 16:00

What 12 year old is not absolutely mortified to need his Mummy with him to get changed. Creepy.

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 16:01

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:44

You’d ‘hate’ it?! Why??so much projection on a child.

I recommend you don’t travel, especially to France, Germany, Italy, Sweden, Norway, etc

you will be HORRIFIED at how natural they are with nudity and the healthy attitude they have to non sexualising nudity at places like pools, beaches and saunas.

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Where does OP sexualise the little boy? Wtf?

BruceAndNosh · 30/03/2024 16:04

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

Well maybe mum should teach him its rude to stare. If parents insist on taking their boys into female changing rooms - at any age - they should be told to not ogle.

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 16:06

Intriguedbythis · 30/03/2024 15:41

So so so weird. Why would a woman feel uncomfortable by a child, of either sex, a woman scared of a child needs therapy. So utterly weird to sexualise him just because he’s a boy.

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OP isn't sexualising him, this is such a cold-take, bad faith argument. What an awful accusation to launch at a woman for daring to vent about her boundaries.

OP, when my friend and I were 12 and noticed lots of male children over the age of 7 in the girls shower room, we complained to reception and they put up a sign. Little boys aren't helpless beings who need to be coddled by Mummy forever.

Prawncow · 30/03/2024 16:11

GrumpyPanda · 30/03/2024 13:52

There's absolutely no problem with open-plan single-sex spaces. Cubicles are claustrophobic and impractical (what do you do with dry clothes or towels when using a shower cubicle, leave them out of your sight?). They need much more space and thus raise costs for the pool or gym and ultimately each customer. There's also a sense of camaraderie in women's spaces that you're wanting to abolish in favour of an anonymous dystopia set-up. No thanks - but obviously that depends on everybody sticking to a set of commonly agreed rules of civilized behaviour.

Show quote history

Did you go to public school or are you from mainland Europe? I have never use an open changing room as an adult. I had to at senior school and every single girl did the towel dance and could get fully dressed without showing anything but arms and legs. We all ended up damp and stinking of chlorine because there was no privacy to shower or dress.

Prawncow · 30/03/2024 16:13

LastSeenInSanFransisco · 30/03/2024 16:06

OP isn't sexualising him, this is such a cold-take, bad faith argument. What an awful accusation to launch at a woman for daring to vent about her boundaries.

OP, when my friend and I were 12 and noticed lots of male children over the age of 7 in the girls shower room, we complained to reception and they put up a sign. Little boys aren't helpless beings who need to be coddled by Mummy forever.

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It’s not coddling, it’s a legitimate fear of dodgy men with a sexual interest in young boys. The solution is family changing areas/cubicles.

Prawncow · 30/03/2024 16:15

It’s totally reasonable not to want 11 year old boys in the female changing area. 11 year old girls shouldn’t have to face boys their age seeing them naked.

Barton10 · 30/03/2024 16:22

Our gym is very clear that boys over the age of 7 are not permitted in the ladies changing rooms. I have seen them enforce this too. Boys of 11 are far to old to be in the ladies.