Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Whilst I understand that, it doesn’t override women and girls rights to get changed without ogling men and boys around.

This is the entire fault of the stupid fecks who design changing rooms!! What's wrong with a good old fashioned private cubicle?

My local swimming baths have a mixed used cubicles, then male and female toilets where's there also showers. The changing rooms for the gym upstairs are also single sex with added private cubicles. The way it should be.

However, the mum should understand that people don't want to be stared at so she should have not made that much of a fuss!

This absolutely boils my blood.

Dd is 9. And there's a girl maybe a 2 years older who is often in the changing rooms at the same time as us. Every now and again, there are biys who are very clearly older than 8 ansld you can see how uncomfortable it makes dd and even more so, this other girl.

If you are so scared for your 10 year old boy, find a better solution. Usually to use the family change.

Ds was sent firmly to the men's changing room from.age 8. Occasionally, as he'd a bit of a dreamer, I would ask a male member of staff to check on him which they were always wiling to do.

Would a dad take his 11 DD into the male changing room to change with no cubicles for privacy?

No.

Mum was well out of order.

Oh lord, that's so awkward!
8 seems young to me, my DD is only 6 but has some physical problems, and I'd be concerned she'd really struggle by herself if she didn't have an adults help.
11 however is a different story 😬

YAANBU for being uncomfortable and making a complaint. The gym should provide a few cubicles or a family changing space to prevent this sort of thing!

Ours went into men’s at 9 (used family cubicle in women’s before that)
I wasn’t all that comfortable with it so always invited a friend so they could go in together. I’d wait close to the entrance too and call through if they were overly long in there.

It's social services safeguarding guidance (a gym I belonged to said this on its notices) that the age limit is 8.

Rubbish at quoting, but to those who have responded to me saying that I should choose another facility, yes that is exactly what I would do if I was the parent in this scenario, I would use a facility that had a changing arrangement that made me and my children more comfortable.

Then I assume your solution is to find a different solution for your son, and not to simply let him/you do whatever you want, never mind the girls that are uncomfortable?

8 should be the age. With good reason. If your child/you cannot handle single sex by then, then YOU find a solution that doesn't include trampling over female rights.

He shouldn't be in there.
No bwause if adult women... but because there will also be pre teen and teen girls in there. Their comfort matters too.

YANBU, I don’t want to be stared at by a preteen whilst I’m getting ready, I had it recently but the boy was younger around 8 so was allowed to be there as per the spas policy but he never broke eye contact and it made me really uncomfortable. I know it’s curiousity and not malicious but it’s just yuk. The mum was completely oblivious chatting away on her phone.

What are you afraid would happen to an 11 year old boy in the mens, a public space where you can wait just outside the door and he can shout if he needs help?

We don’t want to be watched undress by boys or men in the WOMENS changing room, why isn’t that enough reason? Why do we need to be afraid in order to be allowed privacy?

We have a family changing room in our gym.

At the time my daughter was 12 year old and we used the female changing rooms. A mum had bought her 5 year old daughter for her swimming lessons with her 10 year old son playing on a phone to keep him entertained - I challenged her and she got very defensive as the family changing rooms to busy and her son was fine to sit there …..thanks that attitude meant my daughter uncomfortable especially with the phone use :( so she didn’t want to go to the gym anymore.

Please think what your teaching your sons, that Mum taught her son he was allowed to make my daughter uncomfortable and invade in a space that was for females. Your saying to him what harm can he do….so he allowed to wander into the girl changing rooms at school? Because what harm would a 11 year old boy make? A lot it means my daughter is no longer feels safe to be in an vulnerable state of undress as an 11 year old boy has been taught to go where he likes.

So what age would you respect that his presence makes those unknown naked females feel way more than uncomfortable especially if he's sat looking out at them.

Taller than you? That's problematic.

@Naunet because clearly grown men are a much bigger risk or are you unaware of the international statistics?

Yes our small outdoor pool has one room in it to get changed no cubicles at all. Would be utterly inappropriate to have an over 8 boy in the room there’s literally no where to hide.

Honestly - how dare you? This is so wrong, so entitled. Your 11 yo son should not be in the female changing room.

Regardless how it would make me feel, I would not want an 11 year old boy (so secondary age!) being in a changing room with my 12 year old DD who is very much in the throes of puberty.

Most gyms specify that boys over the age of 8 have to use the male changing room.

OP you are completely right.

I find it disgraceful that we are teaching these boys it's ok to make women and girls uncomfortable. That it's ok to over ride their consent.

Yeah I stopped taking DS into female changing when he was about 9, just didn’t feel right. Although, our gym doesn’t have family changing so I didn’t really want him in the male changing alone either, so if DH wasn’t with us I’d just tell him to pop a big hoodie and crocs on and come straight out of the men’s changing and I’d sort him out afterwards so can appreciate to a certain extent the dilemma mums have.

Yes we know but why does that mean women & girls should sacrifice their comfort & dignity in a space that is there's?

If there are additional needs that qualify as disability then it would be up to the parent to make arrangements with the gym as to how to manage. You can’t take an 11 year old boy into the female changing rooms.

I actually hate communal changing rooms even without random males having had a pe teacher who insisted you left towels out of shower areas and did a full turn in front of her to prove you were wet I don't want anyone gawping at me if I went in and saw a boy this age in there I'd have gone straight back to reception.