To find my parents increasingly difficult to host

[inthebosc]

Nearing my wits end with sleeping arrangements!

We live in a three bed terrace. Our bedroom, the baby's room and a box room which we use as an office. So not much wiggle room when it comes to guests. My parents (late 60s/early 70s) live a couple of hours away so tend to stay the night when they visit.

When they first stayed they slept on a sturdy blow up king mattress which had very good reviews. We chose it together. This lasted a few visits and they said it was great...until it unceremoniously deflated at 1am one time.

We then invested in a fold up double bed. Again, very good reviews. They stayed on this once for several nights and at the time said everything was fine, until the next time they arrived and my dad announced he'd sleep on the sofa instead as the mattress of the bed was too thin.

DH not keen on having anyone on the sofa so offers them our bed instead whilst we take the fold up. All good, until it emerges the next day that my dad took all the blankets leaving my mum was too cold to sleep. She's knackered.

Fast forward to this time - we offer our bed again and a ridiculous amount of bedding and they come armed with loads of blankets too. Great. Everyone happy. Until 4am when I go downstairs with a slightly grumpy baby in pursuit of more nappies and...wake my mum up, who's trying to sleep on the sofa for some reason.

Arghhhh! AIBU to just want guests in a bed in a room? This makes it sound like I don't want to host my parents but it's the opposite - I just want things to go as smoothly as possible. Also grappling with a 9 month old baby who doesn't sleep well at night so it would be good to know that at least everyone else is taken care of!

Do you know why your DM was on the sofa? With the best will in the world if your parents are having problems sleeping together you are not going to be able to host them in a house with only 2 bedrooms.

Sounds like an issue they need to resolve not you. Why won't your husband let anyone sleep on the sofa?

I think you've hit the nail on the head@Definitelylivedin in that it sounds like they tend to sleep apart now. But would you not be able to get past that for a night or two when you're away from home? Surely most sleeping issues have a solution that works on a temporary basis - e.g. noisy = earplugs, blanket stealing = own bedding etc.

I've always had in the back of my mind that it would be nice to move to a four bed (and my dad has joked about it too) so we can have a permanent guest room but sounds like we'd still wake up to someone on the sofa!

Hotel or B&B. You or them.

Sorry, cross post, @CheeseDreamsTonight. DH has said that the sofa is getting worn and he doesn't want to make it worse by having people sleep on it. I think he was also a bit bemused that he'd given up our bed and that still didn't do it.

I feel a bit caught, to be honest. If anyone sleeps on the sofa I have DH in my ear, but with any other arrangement we try it seems at least one of my parents is unhappy. So I'm constantly refereeing these sleep battles but feel like I'm not sure how much patience I can have tomorrow when I've had maybe 30-45 mins of unbroken sleep myself tonight.

They should stay in a local hotel. You will get better rest as well.

I couldn’t be arsed, tell them to book a hotel. They can have twin beds or separate rooms and at least staff are paid to deal with their guests issues of an uncomfortable mattress or bedding issues.

Speak up now, it’ll only get worse.

So at home do they share a bed or even a room?
If not then I can see why they might struggle to sleep, if you can't settle then you just can't force yourself to sleep.

If one of them is more comfortable on the sofa then buy a single mattress topper or similar to stop your husband worrying about the sofa.
And prod him next time he falls asleep watching tv etc as sofas aren't for sleeping on 😉

I agree with your dh, I hate people sleeping on our sofa.
How big is your bed @inthebosc ?
We have a super king and it really is like sleeping in two single beds.
Although you shouldn’t have to buy new beds all the time for occasional guests.

Have a word with your parents something is going on.

Premier Inn should do it, or maybe Airbnb. I don't know how you manage TBH.

I'd guarantee they sleep apart at home.

The only option you have is to tell them to book into a hotel.

They may not want to admit they sleep separately at home.

My DH struggles to sleep when I’m in a bed with him and usually ends up on a sofa when we’re away.
On holiday he’ll usually book a 2 bed accommodation.

what’s the difference in ‘wear’ of somebody lying on a sofa with their eyes closed (weight distributed) or someone’s bottom/upper legs sat there, eyes open, (exerting more pressure on a smaller area)?

Did you ask your mum why she slept on the sofa?

My parents sleep in separate rooms now due to various ailments (and the fact that their beds are tiny), but they will put up with being together on occasion. Providing one spare room is often difficult, two would be impossible for many!

can you provide two blow up beds? in one room?
why did your dm sleep on the sofa?

I agree with the DH. Sleeping on people's sofas is wrong.

Ok so I would just say with baby and night wakings me and baby now sleep separately from husband (We did this so one person got sleep and took turns with partner doing Fri and Sat) which means we can't host at the current time we have a local premier inn and we can see you from after breakfast through to dinner

So basically you would host them during the day but it gives everyone a chance at sleep (except sadly the person on nights with baby)

Further down the line we got trundle beds for our daughter's room so when guest came we had 2 singles, if for some reason they can't sleep in the same room even though in separate beds it's easier to pick up and move

Just tell them it's not working out and you don't have room. My parents insist on separate beds and ideally rooms. We don't have the space. They stay at a hotel.

In the case of your parents, two hours is a day trip, especially if they share the driving. No real need for them to stay the night if it's such a headache. Or meet in the middle.

Most older people sleep separately. Speaking with experience here: there comes a time in a woman’s life when she no longer wants to put up with a man’s restless legs syndrome, his snoring, flailing about, grunting. In Scandinavia, it’s normal - people have separate duvets.

Definitely time for a hotel/Premier Inn if they’re causing such disruption

Thanks, everyone. I gather that as a default they do still share a bed at home but more often than not my mum decamps to another room as my dad is quite quick to complain about noise/movement etc. I expect it was the same last night. I haven't spoken to her yet (turned the light back off as soon as I saw her in the hope that she'd be able to go straight back to sleep and ran off with the grumbling baby who is still in my arms 😅).

Our bed is a super king. They have a regular double or maybe at maximum a queen at home?

On the odd occasion that they travel together (e.g. hotel or staying with friends) they share a room/bed. So surely having our room/bed comes to the same thing?

I think what makes me sad about a hotel is that realistically they would visit us less. They for some reason have got used to living very frugally/simply and I can't see them paying to stay anywhere more than once or twice a year perhaps. It's then likely to be more pressure on us to go and visit them which isn't always easy with the baby and work.

i would ask them if they want a trundle bed?

Could you book them a twin room
in a premier inn. Cheaper if you book in advance. Would you be able to pay?

They sound quite selfish and difficult. They need to offer solutions. Not make the life of a new mum more challenging.

Why should OP pay?

It’s a bit off topic (and not terribly helpful) but it really irritates me, when I’m hosting, when houseguests won’t stay in the rooms they have been given. It’s disruptive to come downstairs and find that people have spread themselves all over the house.

If the parents are frugal then they need to stay in the room they’ve been given. Otherwise they can stay in a hotel (if you have one nearby - I know this isn’t always the case).

It’s a bit off topic (and not terribly helpful) but it really irritates me, when I’m hosting, when houseguests won’t stay in the rooms they have been given. It’s disruptive to come downstairs and find that people have spread themselves all over the house.

This