Page 7 | To find my parents increasingly difficult to host

inthebosc · 2024-03-30T05:18:34+00:00

Nearing my wits end with sleeping arrangements! We live in a three bed terrace. Our bedroom, the baby's room and a box room which we use as an office. So not much wiggle room when it comes to guests. My parents (late 60s/early 70s) live a couple of hours away so tend to stay the night when they visit. When they first stayed they slept on a sturdy blow up king mattress which had very good reviews. We chose it together. This lasted a few visits and they said it was great...until it unceremoniously deflated at 1am one time. We then invested in a fold up double bed. Again, very good reviews. They stayed on this once for several nights and at the time said everything was fine, until the next time they arrived and my dad announced he'd sleep on the sofa instead as the mattress of the bed was too thin. DH not keen on having anyone on the sofa so offers them our bed instead whilst we take the fold up. All good, until it emerges the next day that my dad took all the blankets leaving my mum was too cold to sleep. She's knackered. Fast forward to this time - we offer our bed again and a ridiculous amount of bedding and they come armed with loads of blankets too. Great. Everyone happy. Until 4am when I go downstairs with a slightly grumpy baby in pursuit of more nappies and...wake my mum up, who's trying to sleep on the sofa for some reason. Arghhhh! AIBU to just want guests in a bed in a room? This makes it sound like I don't want to host my parents but it's the opposite - I just want things to go as smoothly as possible. Also grappling with a 9 month old baby who doesn't sleep well at night so it would be good to know that at least everyone else is taken care of!

hottchocolate · 01/04/2024 13:13

I think sometimes people don't realise they are not fitting in well with you when they do things like this. It's not unreasonable to think they will come over and stay in your room which should be more than adequate. My personal space is very important so I wouldn't be happy with them taking up our room and the living space too.

I think before they come again you need to speak with them and be upfront about it. Will one room be sufficient, even yours if you are happy with this, otherwise they may need to make it a day trip, meet somewhere in between or get a hotel. I am lucky my parents are nearby so don't need to stay over but even DH family who are 2-3 hours away don't stay often.

TruthorDie · 01/04/2024 13:21

They can’t just take over half the house, especially if you have young children and might be awake in the night. They either stick in the bedroom they are given (l wouldn’t be giving up my room by the way) or they get a hotel / B&B. Especially when you sleep on the floor at their house and your husband is in a single bed?!

HospitalDayOut · 01/04/2024 15:14

WoosMama13 · 31/03/2024 18:20

I don't understand this. I am 40 and would never treat my parents (younger than yours) like that. Sorry if that is harsh, but you have one set of parents. They are visiting you. Accommodate kindly. You'll miss them when they are gone.

Maybe it was just how I was brought up, seeing my elders hosting. As a result of this, my younger sister treat parents and guests much differently! We give up our room/bed if that is the most comfortable sleeping option. And yes, even when we have babies and young children! And yes, with a one or two bedroom house!
Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you like to be treated at their age? If they are doing the travelling too, a few days of things not being as they always are is nothing.

Again, apologies for being blunt, but stop moaning and enjoy them while they are still around! Hopefully they don't decide they feel unwelcome, so you never see them because of your actions.

You'll miss them when they are gone.

How do you know?? I detest this kind of comment. Made by blinkered people with decent parents. Some of us have shit parents. I won’t miss mine when they are gone. Not one bit. You don’t speak for everyone.

And in any case, even if you like your parents it doesn’t entitle them to do whatever they want and disregard the feelings of their adult children.

WoosMama13 · 01/04/2024 17:44

HospitalDayOut · 01/04/2024 15:14

You'll miss them when they are gone.

How do you know?? I detest this kind of comment. Made by blinkered people with decent parents. Some of us have shit parents. I won’t miss mine when they are gone. Not one bit. You don’t speak for everyone.

And in any case, even if you like your parents it doesn’t entitle them to do whatever they want and disregard the feelings of their adult children.

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Not blinkered. I know friends with god awful parents, lots of people with estranged family members (have some myself), I am a single parent, who has tried to get the other parent involved and failed, so please, I know I am not speaking for the masses. I am not saying all of us should think this way, it was my belief, based on my experience and my relationship with my parents. I didn't word it well and wasn't completely clued up on the entire thread. My mistake, which I admit, was wrong.
Life is not "Hallmark" as one person said to me. Be downright hideous if it was to be honest.

I admit again, that I made a mistake with my comment. And I apologise for any offence to anyone.

I was basing it on my own upbringing. I know not everyone has such close knit, all muck in and suck it up to spend time together families.
When my grandparents were around, we were like that. Still are in some ways. We used to put tents in the garden with airbeds, slept multiple people to any room we could fit in, because money was extremely tight, there were lots of us of all ages and we got together often. To some point, we are still like this, but most of us live locally now, not a few hours apart and sadly, many have passed.
So for me, having grown up with a close knit family, it is an alien concept for a few nights for people not to make it work, I know OP has tried a lot of things and her parents are the issue.

Again, apologies to anyone upset by my poorly constructed post and it's content.

PeachyPeachTrees · 01/04/2024 17:56

How big is the baby's room? Could that have a bed in it and you sleep in there and parents in your room? This is what we used to do, our house is 2 doubles and box. Box used as wfh office. Baby's room had single with truckle to make a double. Parents in our bed.

Springtime43 · 01/04/2024 18:25

Even if they are the loveliest people on the planet, they are still causing a fair amount of disruption in the OP’s home, I wouldn’t put up with it

HospitalDayOut · 01/04/2024 18:29

WoosMama13 · 01/04/2024 17:44

Not blinkered. I know friends with god awful parents, lots of people with estranged family members (have some myself), I am a single parent, who has tried to get the other parent involved and failed, so please, I know I am not speaking for the masses. I am not saying all of us should think this way, it was my belief, based on my experience and my relationship with my parents. I didn't word it well and wasn't completely clued up on the entire thread. My mistake, which I admit, was wrong.
Life is not "Hallmark" as one person said to me. Be downright hideous if it was to be honest.

I admit again, that I made a mistake with my comment. And I apologise for any offence to anyone.

I was basing it on my own upbringing. I know not everyone has such close knit, all muck in and suck it up to spend time together families.
When my grandparents were around, we were like that. Still are in some ways. We used to put tents in the garden with airbeds, slept multiple people to any room we could fit in, because money was extremely tight, there were lots of us of all ages and we got together often. To some point, we are still like this, but most of us live locally now, not a few hours apart and sadly, many have passed.
So for me, having grown up with a close knit family, it is an alien concept for a few nights for people not to make it work, I know OP has tried a lot of things and her parents are the issue.

Again, apologies to anyone upset by my poorly constructed post and it's content.

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Ah what a nice and gracious apology. I am not a jealous person but admit I do envy people who are close with their family. You sound like you have a great setup and I see why you would miss them! Thank you.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 01/04/2024 18:33

Not RTFT but have you tried a sticker chart for staying in their bed? 😁

mathanxiety · 01/04/2024 19:05

inthebosc · 30/03/2024 08:13

Re trundle beds/two singles - DH and I considered them, but if they can't sleep in a super king together then realistically I don't think they can be in the same room. It's presumably a noise thing rather than just space.

It could be a motion sensing thing, or if one is heavier than the other, maybe one rolls up too close during the night. Or maybe your dad is an inveterate bedding hogger..

I'd move your childhood bed into your home and put a double bed in your parents' home. Then get another second single bed for your home too.

You could get a white noise machine for the bedroom too.

If they don't know how awkward they're making this because of their sleeping needs in a small house, they need to be sat down and told.

Dotcomma · 02/04/2024 03:14

PeachyPeachTrees · 01/04/2024 17:56

How big is the baby's room? Could that have a bed in it and you sleep in there and parents in your room? This is what we used to do, our house is 2 doubles and box. Box used as wfh office. Baby's room had single with truckle to make a double. Parents in our bed.

I understood what you meant straight away

EatCrow · 02/04/2024 03:24

HungryandIknowit · 30/03/2024 06:10

They should stay in a local hotel. You will get better rest as well.

Seems like the ideal solution. It can’t be easy for you with your baby.

TruthorDie · 02/04/2024 12:16

BlueFlowers5 · 01/04/2024 10:52

Plenty of older people sleep separately because of health or preference reasons. I wouldn't force them to sleep together. Would it not be easier to put up 2 single beds, perhaps one in your office space?

Won’t the house be just full of beds?! I personally wouldn’t want 2 singles in my office, even in a decent size room there wouldn’t be much desk or storage space. Plus also sounds like they want separate rooms and separate beds

HowNice23 · 03/04/2024 16:34

In your shoes if finances allow I'd suggest they book into a Travelodge instead. I stay at cheap hotel when visiting my parents as they're increasingly elderly and I like a proper bed. You'd get less work faffing around with beds and you may avoid having to lay on breakfast too!!

Crunchymum · 03/04/2024 16:54

How often do they come to you?

How often do you go to them?