AIBU to ignore the "honeymoon registry"

[NotAHappyBunnyHugger]

School friend is getting married this autumn. We are now in our mid-20s.
My partner and I are invited to the evening do, which starts at half 5. On the invitation and wedding website, there is no mention of an evening meal, just cake and welcome drinks, then a cash bar.

In the envelope with the invitation, they have included a card asking people to contribute money towards their honeymoon rather than giving physical gifts. I resent this a bit, when I'm paying for transport, accommodation, and a new outfit to fit the wedding's "theme", and not even getting an evening meal when I'm there. It feels a bit cheap.

I had already bought the couple a gift (a household item, but a really nice version that's handmade in the city I live in), but now I don't even want to give them that! The whole thing reminds me of kids at school who'd invite the whole class to their birthday party to get more presents.

I haven't been to any weddings before. Is this just normal? My partner and I are getting married in a couple of months and we've been careful to only invite the number of people we can afford to host properly (i.e. with plenty of food and booze). We wouldn't dream of asking our friends to pay for our holiday!

YABU - honeymoon registries are normal and acceptable. Get with it

YANBU - asking for gifts is tacky. People should pay for their own holidays

Quite possibly, but it doesn't make me wrong and I think it's better than actively insulting people who have different weddings to you.

The kicker? We actually didn't have a cash bar. But I've never been offended by anyone who did and I never felt the need to suggest that they were somehow lower class, bad hosts, rude and must do all manner of other bad things too.

@NonPlayerCharacter out of interest, if someone had rocked up to your wedding wearing white, or black, or something very revealing or decided to buy something not off your registry…. what would you have done or said?

Do you know, it is a ridiculous detail but that irritated me too. To attend two hundred weddings (ie the minimum to claim hundreds) over a thirty-year period equates to approximately seven weddings a year every single year. Unless, of course, she works in the wedding industry and attended as staff .

She said she was 53. If we take out a couple of years for the covid years, and start from age 18 when one can assume the presence of a bar, cash or otherwise, was immaterial that gives us 33 years of wedding attendance. "Hundreds" suggests at least 300 so that's 9-10 weddings every year.

Yeah, doesn't really stack up.

X post on the wedding maths 😂

and she’s never had to pay for a single drink

I hope that's not the same kind of "interest" I was getting earlier because frankly I'm getting similar vibes.

Those are all completely different scenarios, most of which would depend on the circumstances (I can tell you that I did get a number of off-register gifts and I said thank you and liked some of them). It would take ages to answer comprehensively and I don't think anyone else is as "interested" as you are, so forgive me for not giving you more than that.

Probably left straight after dinner before when you wouldn't expect to pay for a drink anyway 7-10 weddings a year must be knackering. You wouldn't want to stay all evening.

Fwiw I didn’t start when I was 20 but when I was 5. I know an awful lot of people and have an awful lot of relatives. I’d say probably around 200 weddings ish in total. That averages at about 4 a year over my life. Last year I went to 5. In my 30s, one year I had 15 in one year.

Well I don't think anyone expects a five year old to pay for their own vodka and orange. They're in such a high tax bracket.

It would take ages to answer comprehensively

Q. what would you have done if someone bought something off registry?

You’re quite aggressive

all i ask is what would your response have been.

That's literally answered in the post you quoted:
"I did get a number of off-register gifts and I said thank you and liked some of them"

ah apologies

That's literally the one question out of your four that I answered. Even if I thought you were a good faith poster wanting nothing more than a discussion and totally unlike the earlier stalker, I'm definitely not engaging when you're not even going to read the answers.

I think I mentioned earlier that I attract these types a lot? I don't know why, but I probably shouldn't encourage them.

relax

i apologised

Ah, and now it's my fault for not being chilled enough.

I might think there was just one guy with a zillion name changes, but actually I think there really are this many of you and you don't realise how formulaic you are. If you're truly not trying to be creepy, stop talking to me.

I've been to a few weddings in recent years where the couple lived together a few years before marrying. Their invites said something along the lines of, "As we have a home together we already have everything we need. If you'd like to give us anything, please consider donating to our honeymoon fund."

I see nothing wrong with that, and I was raised with the mantra that you don't ask for money.

If you see this as a social event worth attending only if you get more out of it than you put in, then you are being perfectly reasonable. If you are fond of the couple, or at least one of them, and wish them well, then you are being slightly unreasonable.

no one’s “fault”

desperate to know what the “useful” kitchen item is for £100 that op has a few stored away for upcoming weddings. Sadly i suspect will remain a mystery though!

Apparently it's very gauche 🤣

Again, not sure you realise how hotel rooms work at weddings, the money doesn't go to the bridge and groom and therefore it is not them that are charging the guests. The guests stay at the hotel or they don't, their choice. They buy a drink at the bar or they don't, their choice. So the part about not being able to afford the venue otherwise is b))sht. For someone who claims to be British (even if only by residence), you're attitude to our culture is pretty 'ghastly' to be honest.

Yeah I call bu*sht too, not a chance someone with that kind of attitude has been voluntarily invited to hundreds of weddings. And what the hell would a 5yr old know about cash bars??!! 🤣

I’m surprised to hear that the payment for the room goes to the hotel not the couple, thank goodness you pointed that out.

Equally - the way wedding packages work is that the couple pay for the venue + x number of rooms which they flog off to their family or friends as many can’t afford the chosen package if they have to pay for the rooms themselves.

There have been innumerable posters finding themselves in precisely this situation - obliged by friends or family to fork on a room at the venue when they could have found alternative cheaper accommodation nearby (in one case they could have driven home instead).