Handhold please dd out and not in touch

[Wherecanshebe]

Please can I have a handhold.

DD is out in London. I last heard from her about two hours ago. She had been to a show with a friend and they went to meet a couple of other friends at a pub.

She's 25. I know it's daft but it's out of character and her phone is off. It's getting late and if she's out of battery she won't be able to get an uber and may be stuck.

She had a bad afternoon and was in tears but we saw each other for an hour and she headed off happily at 6ish.

My son travelled by train from Edinburgh to Aberdeen and changed on to the Inverness train at 14. He went to T in the Park at just short of his 16th birthday. He interailed round Europe at just short of his 18th birthday. I didn't worry.

I do think it's abnormal. I would worry if I knew my adult child had say been in London on the day of the Tube bombing or in Israel on the day of the Hamas massacre but on a day to day basis, I don't worry about him.

It's ok. She's been home since late that night the OP posted. There were updates.

I have an 18 and 21 year old. No I don’t worry about the 21 year old, I don’t even have him on life360. He’s a big boy and he needs to live his life. I never worry about when he’s coming home and I don’t wait up for him. I don’t do that because the chance of something happening to him in central London is so remote it’s a waste of every wondering about something which is incredibly unlikely.

I actually get the OP's worries - my mother was happy for me to go off solo to Australia at 22, America at 23 for several months - but she would absolutely worry if I was not in touch because it would be out of character. It's not about being controlling necessarily, just checking they're okay

If they’re out of touch for 2 hours? That’s a little extreme

But that’s your son. All kids are different, and have different levels of how they cope with stuff. One 14 year old might be fine with doing what you describe, other kids (and parents!) would absolutely not feel comfortable with this. There’s no right or wrong way, it’s absolutely dependent on each child’s personality.

it’s absolutely dependent on each child’s personality.

I agree but here this is a 25 year old who got a degree away from home and holds a professional job having her mum freak out because she out of touch for two hours. 25 year old was fine - Mum wasn't. Posters normalising this are frankly bonkers.

DD18, ND, can be iffy in some areas and want support but went to her offers day by herself only one who did in end - but we'd built her confidence up to doing that constant phone calls and casting doubt on her abilities to cope would have completely undermined that.

But we're talking about 25 year olds and older. Not children.

If a 25 year old can hold down a professional job, they can cope being out for a night without calling their mother every few hours.

Which is why this post about a 14 year old was a bit irrelevant.

EXACTLY!

Hmm. Going to work in the daylight isn't the same thing as going out at night and potentially being targeted by predators who might spike your drink

Hmm. Going to work in the daylight isn't the same thing as going out at night and potentially being targeted by predators who might spike your drink

You can't live your life thinking like that! It's not healthy.

Your drink could get spiked at work, going with this insane thinking

My point in mentioning age is I don't think I've ever gone to the levels of paranoia displayed by some on here.

I have already been called an arsehole and a cunt for saying it is not normal for most NT people in their mid twenties to call your mum every 2 hrs or be so terrified of the Tube so I will keep mum.

DD has already had her drink spiked. What's the alternative? Never go out? She is just very careful now.

@MotherofGorgons I agree with you. Part of being an adult is learning how to manage risk and still leading a full life.

It's not but my point is that if you have a vulnerable young adult child, they are safer at work than they are out at night in London. I was responding to the post which said that if the dd can hold down a job then her mum is unreasonable to worry about her when she's out. It's not that simple.

The OP used the phrase 'I know it's daft' she just wanted some chat to distract and ease her mind. There is never any need for unkindness.

christ at 25 i had 2 children, my own house and called my mom about 3 times a week. live 100 miles away. take a step back mom it will benefit your mental health

I was married at 26 having held down a professional job and lived alone for years prior - with some similar diagnoses to OP DD - but apparently shouldn't have been allowed out after work in the "dark".

It's worrying as fuck ND gets mentioned and suddenly it's fine to strip away rights and expectations from young women for their own safety - treat them as if they are parental property and allowed out at with in very limited confines with a virtual tether and that's all fine not "othering" at all.