Handhold please dd out and not in touch

[Wherecanshebe]

Please can I have a handhold.

DD is out in London. I last heard from her about two hours ago. She had been to a show with a friend and they went to meet a couple of other friends at a pub.

She's 25. I know it's daft but it's out of character and her phone is off. It's getting late and if she's out of battery she won't be able to get an uber and may be stuck.

She had a bad afternoon and was in tears but we saw each other for an hour and she headed off happily at 6ish.

@crumblingschools it isn't a question of being expected home at a certain time but that she's out of touch.

She asked for a hand hold not to be judged! I'm sure she will be ok but totally understand you being worried. Fingers crossed she gets home soon and you can give her a big hug and get a good nights sleep x

I hope she's ok. Surely her friends wouldn't leave her? If she's gone out to a club or a bar they probably close much later than 12? I hope you hear from her soon. Totally understand how you feel - I have 4 girls and one is 20 and at university. I get worried if I see she hasn't been online on WhatsApp one day.

Have your messages to her delivered? She’s probably just enjoying herself and has lost track of time. Try not to worry, I know it’s easier said than done.

If she's in central London she can easily get a black cab or tube, bus or minicab or pedicab or whatever. She's may have gone to a bar or club. Or a restaurant, they shut really late in that bit.
If something grave happened in the busiest area of London, she'd be in hospital, (UCLH) and with someone. It's really busy, noone would not notice her in distress and assist. Her mates are with her. Her phone died, and she's having fun.
I've been going out late at night in central London since 14 and nothing bad ever happened.
Please don't worry.

my first instinct was surprise at you feeling this wash given her age

but I do get it. Having gone to uni in London (and having had my battery die a few times), it’s been fine. It’s busy, there are tons of people everywhere and lots of taxis and ways to get home

I’m sure she is having a great time. Let us know when you know more

She's been in touch She's with her friends and ordering an uber.

Thank you to those who have handheld.

So pleased xx

So glad to hear that she's ok and has been in touch :)

So glad for you! I've got a 22 yr old DS out in our city centre right now- DH and I have had quite a few drinks and will head up to bed shortly. DS is autistic but out with a trusted friend from junior school who is very streetwise, He got home around 2.45am last time they went out having had a whale of a time. In some ways it was easier when I was up all hours giving him a bottle and rocking him back to sleep! I'm crossing my fingers and going to bed soon. He always has taxi fare home and is v sensible about drinking alcohol ( unlike his parents!)

I moved to London when I was 25 and we didn't have mobile phones. I was fine.

My DD spent a year in London aged 22/23 and she was also fine. She lived in Leeds from the age of 19. She's now living in a major European city aged 24/25. My eldest spent a year living in the arsehole of Normandy where there was pretty much fuck all public transport, and had to travel there on her own at 21. She ended up one night getting a lift from staff from a kebab restaurant with a much older man who was also stranded! She also lived independently for 3 years in Newcastle, and spent three weeks in China, and travelled extensively in Europe during her year in France.

Kindly, you need to let go a little. And I am a tiger mum!

I think you need to now you know she is Ok assess your anxiety.
2 of my DC are ND but I have to give them freedom. They are late teens and go out until late. It's a bit much fretting about an adult being out of contact for a couple of hours.
Do you suffer with anxiety? My DH does and it negatively affects our DC so he has got counselling for it .

My late mum used to say, you are never so happy as when they are around the fire with you, and she was right!

Funny you should say that @Runnerinthenight I was telling 80yo old mum today I was always a bit nervous when he went out and she still worries about me 'going out' round town! I go out out maybe x 2 a year with a group of 'girls' who are all 50+ I'm just going to go to bed and trust he does the right thing- he has all the other times.

She's with others, she is over 21 and she has already called you, which is more than adequate for a 25 year old.
Next time she goes out perhaps have a better plan so that you are not left anxious.

Did your daughter tell you what time she expects to be home?
Did you have a plan should she be more than half an hour later than expected? Do you have a default plan if phone/wallet is lost such as her waiting in nearest phone booth to where she is and calling from there?

Glad she got in touch and is OK.

Next time she goes out perhaps have a better plan so that you are not left anxious.
^^ This = make a plan that doesn’t include a need for updates. Eg. She goes out and will tell you (almost) all about it next time she sees you. That may be something you have to work up to, possibly with professional help. But panicking because she hasn’t been in touch for a few hours is something you need to work on - it will end up stifling her and taking over your life, you shouldn’t be that enmeshed with your DD. Anxiety hurts those around you.

the mobile is the cause of all this anxiety.
you have to trust things will be ok
you have to understand that at 25 she is capable of sorting herself out

When someone asks for a hand hold why don't we just give them a hand hold instead of criticising?

Some of us might have our own opinions about the OPs reaction to her Daughter not being in touch, but OP hasn't asked for our opinion, she's asked for support.

What's wrong with some people that they can't just give a worried Mother the hand hold that she's asked for? Or if they can't do that or don't want to, just don't take the time to type anything?

It takes effort to be critical and mean, why not use that effort to say something nice?

Glad your Daughter is safe and well OP

While I'm glad she's been in touch, is probably home now, and reassured you, I really think you need to have a think about how you deal with her having a life. It's not okay that when she's out and should be having fun, she's worrying about if she's let you know or not. She's 25! She's been an adult for 7 years, you need to break the chains a bit. Next time she's out but not planning a late one, why don't you try telling her not to worry about checking in but to have fun, and figure out a system so you know if she's in? For my 20 year old, we leave her bedroom door open. If it's still open when I wake up in the morning, I'll send a message. If it's closed, happy days.

Handhold for this? Come on, this is getting ridiculous now.

Glad you have heard from her she must have been on the underground.
Great news xxxx

I worry myself stupid when my young adult kids are out at night. I can’t help it but I can’t truly relax until they’re back home. My eldest is at Uni and I’ve no idea what he gets up to so I can’t worry in the same way as when he’s out but coming back home. No judgement from me and I can imagine how the worry lifted once you knew everything was fine.

Honestly OP no 25 year old should need to be in touch with their mum every couple of hours. She’s an adult, she’s with friends. And I genuinely in the nicest possible way think you need to really have a think about why you’ve got yourself into such a panic when you haven’t heard from her for 2 hours that you need a handhold. Having to keep in touch that often isn’t fair on either of you

I'm so glad to see your update, OP, and I don't care what anyone says, no matter how old your kids are, you never stop worrying about them 💐