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Original poster

BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

388 replies

Grumpynan · 28/03/2024 14:15

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

OP posts:
Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 09:22

Yes a ex. Because she got the hump that his present was a regifted ticket. Nothing to do with spoiling a surprise weekend ( which she still could have done Friday and Saturday morning).
It was only 4 months so who knows how serious it was or could have been.

Still I'm sure they all had a lovely weekend ,that's the main thing.

Noyesnoyes · 02/04/2024 09:56

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 09:22

Yes a ex. Because she got the hump that his present was a regifted ticket. Nothing to do with spoiling a surprise weekend ( which she still could have done Friday and Saturday morning).
It was only 4 months so who knows how serious it was or could have been.

Still I'm sure they all had a lovely weekend ,that's the main thing.

All the lovelier I'm sure without the controlling ex!

AnxiousRabbit · 02/04/2024 10:00

QuillBill · 31/03/2024 10:18

I know! 'Listened to what she said' my arse.

Imagine your girlfriend's parents arranging a weekend away with your family and your friends and then you saying
'actually I'm taking her to a show my sister in Law refused to go to' being described as thoughtful. It's crazy!

To be honest the plan this weekend could have been clearing out the loft, and the show could have been one she really did want to see.
I would still think ot incredibly rude to arrange something when you know family have already planned something else....no matter what it was.

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 10:35

He didn't arrange it on purpose though. That's just when the spare tickets ( for the show he knew she was interested in) were available.

She only turned them down because it wasn't a present he'd planned himself.

Noyesnoyes · 02/04/2024 10:40

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 10:35

He didn't arrange it on purpose though. That's just when the spare tickets ( for the show he knew she was interested in) were available.

She only turned them down because it wasn't a present he'd planned himself.

So he was doing nothing until a second hand pair of tickets showed up.. ... what a cheapskate!

What would've happened if the tickets hadn't of turned up?

Noyesnoyes · 02/04/2024 10:40

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 10:35

He didn't arrange it on purpose though. That's just when the spare tickets ( for the show he knew she was interested in) were available.

She only turned them down because it wasn't a present he'd planned himself.

They weren't "spare" they were unwanted by someone else!

AnxiousRabbit · 02/04/2024 10:44

If she was interested she would have gone....at that point she didn't know about the other plans AFAWK.
The fact two women turned it down suggests it wasn't that great.
But regardless....even IF tickets for a sell out one night only show she had always wanted to see, had fallen into his lap, you STILL go to the person planning something else and explain the dilemma and agree to both give her the choice....and you don't book an extra night away.

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 12:43

@Noyesnoyes so what? They were for a show he knew she wanted to see. Plenty of tickets are resales through mates or Facebook, it's not the same as a bath set is it. Although clearly she was expecting more than a show and two nights in London....

You have no idea if he'd had got her something else if the tickets hadn't been available. Yes he might have got her something cheaper. We have zero idea about their relationship or circumstances.

She would have had the Friday and Saturday morning. Sounds reasonable to spend a second night in London.

I think he could be forgiven for thinking they would still have a great time celebrating with and then doing stuff in their family groups without her.

Right said all there is on this.

Lyraloo · 02/04/2024 14:29

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 12:43

@Noyesnoyes so what? They were for a show he knew she wanted to see. Plenty of tickets are resales through mates or Facebook, it's not the same as a bath set is it. Although clearly she was expecting more than a show and two nights in London....

You have no idea if he'd had got her something else if the tickets hadn't been available. Yes he might have got her something cheaper. We have zero idea about their relationship or circumstances.

She would have had the Friday and Saturday morning. Sounds reasonable to spend a second night in London.

I think he could be forgiven for thinking they would still have a great time celebrating with and then doing stuff in their family groups without her.

Right said all there is on this.

Edited

I love the way people say “right said all there is to say on this” is everyone supposed to just keep their opinions to themselves now because you have spoken!

Noyesnoyes · 02/04/2024 15:06

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 12:43

@Noyesnoyes so what? They were for a show he knew she wanted to see. Plenty of tickets are resales through mates or Facebook, it's not the same as a bath set is it. Although clearly she was expecting more than a show and two nights in London....

You have no idea if he'd had got her something else if the tickets hadn't been available. Yes he might have got her something cheaper. We have zero idea about their relationship or circumstances.

She would have had the Friday and Saturday morning. Sounds reasonable to spend a second night in London.

I think he could be forgiven for thinking they would still have a great time celebrating with and then doing stuff in their family groups without her.

Right said all there is on this.

Edited

Nah you've got it all wrong!

Especially the she doesn't know her own mind as she's previously had MH issues, that was one of your worst comments!

Glad you've said everything you've got to say now.

RawBloomers · 02/04/2024 15:57

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 07:43

@RawBloomers I was being hyperbolic. It's basically immediate family - parents and sister ( who DD lives with) and the three brothers with their wives.
Yes there's two friends as well but the overall dynamic is family get away weekend. Did you miss the bit where they will babysit so the couples can go out. The DD bit is a meal out. Op says they have all done this holiday together before.

Anyway.

I commented initially because I felt the pile in on the boyfriend was unnecessary. DD would still get all day Friday and Saturday morning with them. A show she wanted and hotel stay is not a terrible gift. He wasn't trying to sabotage anything as he didn't set out to buy it.

I still think that.

Yes, it’s a mainly a family weekend. And it involves a big meal out for them all (which she would have had to miss), and a chance to go out with her siblings and their wives and her friends without kids (probably a fairly rare occurrence), and a swimming pool and dog walks - things that DD loves. I didn’t miss any of that, no.

And this is where you show yourself up - it being a mainly family weekend does not automatically make it a second rate experience.

If you think it’s okay to treat family the way the BF was proposing, I suppose you may have some pretty fucked up family dynamics yourself, so it may be no surprise you don’t understand that lots of people can have fantastic fun with their families. But people really can. Missing two nights of that and racing from Devon to London for a show and a night in a hotel would not necessarily be better for a lot of people - even if they didn’t take into account their friends and family being ditched while they did it.

Also not sure why you're buying the idea that DD was actually interested in the show. The only claim for this was from the BF who was trying to justify his shitty behaviour to OP. If DD had actually been interested she’d most likely have seen the gift of the tickets and night in a hotel as him taking advantage of his brother’s misfortune to get her something she was excited about - a good thing. But she didn’t. She saw it as him trying to offload his brother’s mistake onto her. This suggests he was probably lying about it being a show she was interested in.

TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow · 02/04/2024 17:54

Marchintospring · 02/04/2024 12:43

@Noyesnoyes so what? They were for a show he knew she wanted to see. Plenty of tickets are resales through mates or Facebook, it's not the same as a bath set is it. Although clearly she was expecting more than a show and two nights in London....

You have no idea if he'd had got her something else if the tickets hadn't been available. Yes he might have got her something cheaper. We have zero idea about their relationship or circumstances.

She would have had the Friday and Saturday morning. Sounds reasonable to spend a second night in London.

I think he could be forgiven for thinking they would still have a great time celebrating with and then doing stuff in their family groups without her.

Right said all there is on this.

Edited

You really are unpleasant aren't you. You've made derogatory comments about her mh and now the bitchy comment about her clearly expecting more than 2 nights in London and a show

Itsmehey6365 · 22/03/2025 21:44

How did this weekend go?! A year on and I’m still invested 😂 Hope your DD is doing well x

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