BF booked surprise trip knowing big birthday bash arranged

[Grumpynan]

Little long winded, so sorry.

little back history, daughter 30 on Easter Saturday, lives with us and her younger sister, moved back home about 18 months ago after a really bad couple of years. Slowly recovered, her health improved and she’s getting her life back and got a new BF about 4 months ago.

last year her birthday was not so good, but made the best of things and tried to make it special for her. About 6 months ago DH and I got talking and decided to book something special this birthday, it is Easter after all, and she’s 30 !. So we booked a lovely cottage in Devon, it’s huge, all her brothers/SIL’S/neices/nephews and 2 of her best friend are coming 12 adults and 6 children !.

so far she knows nothing about it, the plan is for everyone to travel down Friday (tomorrow) and be there when we arrive at lunch time. We will tell her when she gets in from work tonight so she can pack. As far as she’s concerned it’s a quiet Easter as everyone has other plans.

discussed all this with BF a few weeks ago when it was obvious they were getting serious and he will need to be included. Plan with him to arrive tonight to have dinner, bringing his bags with him !.

so this morning he messaged, all good, bags packed and he’s coming straight from work. Wanted to know when everyone would be giving gifts ? I replied probably Saturday morning . He then came back with “ brilliant I’ll try and hold back that long , but I’m so excited I might give her mine tonight 😂 “. I replied, “ sounds intriguing, do I get any clues, or is it a secret? ‘

his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “

what the f*&%

I asked him about the holiday we’ve arranged and the table we’ve booked for Saturday to celebrate, he knew all the arrangements, and seemed happy with them, I’m just totally bemused.

hes just replied, to say he has it all planned, travel with us tomorrow morning as planned, open presents Saturday morning with the family, then he will whisk her away late Saturday morning for a lovely weekend in London, then see us at home sometime Monday when we come home 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told the family yet, DH is out until 3 so will tell him then. I just don’t know where to go from here .

sit in the corner and cry, shout and scream at him, just go with it. Whatever happens now, it’s ruined as far as I’m concerned. I know that sounds selfish, god knows what my DD will say, do I tell her what’s planned for the weekend or go along with his changes ?

Who the hell are the 3% of people that think the OP is being unreasonable. Get a grip!!

He is now an ex.

‘So it looks like both my daughters are now single 🙄’

— Thank God!! This is one I’ll never forget!

"his reply ——- “ I’ve booked tickets for a show in London she wants to see, it’s on Saturday, so I’ve booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night, so we will get to spend the weekend in London and I can really spoil her “ "

And then it turns out that his brother booked tickets for a show in London and his brother booked to stay in a posh hotel Saturday night. Hence the dates clash.

Your daughter has dodged a bullet. He could easily have taken the idea of the show/hotel and ran with it, picking a different weekend, different show, different hotel. But no, he prioritised his brother not losing money over his girlfriend getting a present from him/for her.

Oh no, you don't do this! Lovely idea but not on the weekend you had planned. He will hopefully be able to postpone it, if not, lesson learnt you don't change family plans, especially after such a short time.

I'm speechless! The absolute cheek of him! Clearly he's intimidated by the close family ties. Selfish wanker.

He is very wrong. I would be careful of him!

I'd say this comes under the category of piss poor planning and communication. I don't know how this family works - but all family work on dramas. What exactly shouted out that this entire get-together was to celebrate a birthday of a single individual. I think the entire family just wanted to get together and daughter birthday got shovelled on the back end.
I also think boyfriend is a keeper for making the event about his partner and taking her to a show in London.
So what we're left with is all the family getting together. Hurrah!
And bday girl turning up and being celebrated with all her family. Hurrah!
Willing to bet Mum is not paying for everything, and everyone paying has their own agenda for enjoyment.
I'd definitely call the boyfriend a keeper.
Because not once has mum considered what would make her daughter happiest.

The proof is in the pudding. And it proves you wrong!

Ask your daughter if she's aware of what controlling and coercive behaviour is. More red flags than a red flag shop

I think you've read a different thread to me.

How in the name of anything that's holy is that utter prick "a keeper"?!

You have him then, if you think so highly of his behaviour! Dear god!

Take it you missed the bit where she finished with him for giving her a second hand gift???!

Oh just caught up. Yay for your DD. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend away x

I also think boyfriend is a keeper for making the event about his partner and taking her to a show in London

You mean the weekend his brother booked for his wife?

You think that a man is 'a keeper' for taking his girlfriend on a weekend away that's going spare because the brothers wife won't go on it?

I'd tell him he has to change it for the following weekend.

Sorry missed a bit.
Glad they have got rid of them and you can have a great weekend

But why did the ex's brother partner reject the gift?!

What a load of codswallop !! It was meant as a surprise for DD because she’s had some health issues. Planned well in advance and then, despite knowing all about it, boyfriend tried to sabotage it because some tickets fell into his lap at the last minute. DD saw through it and evidently chose to be with her family rather than a devious controlling twat.

There’s at least one who thinks OP and her family are the twats and the boyfriend is a keeper !!

Making the event about his partner? Dude didn't even arrange the event himself, it was all about his brother's partner in the first instance! I don't think it was the OP who was doing the piss poor planning. OP and family, hope you're having a great time all together!

Oh.. is this the one with the loud sex as well? 😬

So glad l’m not the only one who wants to know this !! OP ?

@Rewis I know it's not the point of the thread, but I wondered the same thing!

I hope your daughter starts to recover from her heartbreak soon OP

I’ve only read the Ops posts but I don’t see him as controlling and red flags.

Yes the tickets/hotel were organised by his brother first but surely that demonstrates he wasn’t planning to snatch her away from the bosom of her family. It was an opportunity that feel into his lap.
Maybe he thought it would be something memorable and appropriate for a 30th fir his new girlfriend?

Shes 30. I understand she’s had a rough few birthdays in the past but a weekend in country cottage with the family you live with anyway sounds a lot odder as a surprise than a weekend in London.

Your daughter had a lucky escape from that knob !

Interesting how many people fail to see red flags where others see the situation screaming controlling idiot.

Maybe if you've never met any controlling tossers you might be sceptical... or if you're a controlling cock yourself you might not wish to see women getting together to give great advice.

Whatever this is such good news OP. You sound like a fantastic mum and I wish I'd had you there when I was negotiating the dating scene as I wouldn't have made some colossal cock-ups.