Not wanting my older children to constantly ask to hold the baby

[Hhaaaa]

I am prepared to be told IABU, I just need to know how to gauge the situation.

I had a baby on Friday and my 3 children are constantly asking to hold her, one more than the other two.

I'm breastfeeding her and its a case of feeding and then trying to get her to sleep in repetition. I'm currently very sleep deprived.

I will make an effort for them to hold her at least once a day, but it's like a timer of her being unsettled and wanting to feed again. Then the other child wanting to hold her, then the other child.

They are starting to say things like I've only held her once today, and that line is pissing me off. She is not a doll. I have to tell them to not touch her face and to be gentle.

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable and if I should just force myself to let them hold her more, but my instinct is wanting me to not let them hold her at all.

She is too young and doesn't do anything, she wants to feed and sleep and will have occasion waking periods of quietness but its not when they want to hold her.

Today, one of them got the chance to hold her, they come home from school around 4:30pm. But now after the feeding and crying, I just want her to settle. I cant be bothered to do the pass the parcel until she starts crying again and they look at me for help.

The oldest one, my 14 year old son is almost obsessed with holding her. He was going on about it before she was born and was constantly asking if he would be allowed to hold her. I would say of course but he would still be asking again. Today he didn't get to hold her and now he is sulking. He doesn't care that she is settled and it can take me literally hours to get her in that state again.

I want them to be included and to have a bond but I need to ride out these first few weeks or I'm going to lose my mind. I havent slept more than a few hours in days.

I have spoken to them saying that its not going to last forever, be patient. I've been telling them about how she is going to love them when she's bigger and run to them when they come home from school. But for now, be patient.

This was in the UK, unless children have changed so much in a generation that a 14 year old is less capable than a 10 year old was?

I completely get you. My DS was born 7 weeks ago and my other two (11 & 8) have been infatuated with him and wanting to hold/touch him all the time. My DS is also solely breastfed.

I think others are forgetting how wee and fragile they are/feel in those first few days and how very little sleep you get and they’re prob cluster feeding in the late afternoon when your older ones are coming home from school. you’re also prob getting over the trauma of the delivery too.

I explained to mine that for those first couple of weeks, it would be difficult and there may be days when they can’t hold their baby brother but that it would soon get better. That prob lasted the first 2-3 weeks and now that DS has put on more weight and is sturdier and a bit more settled in the late afts, my two older ones are enjoying holding him.

My 11yo is now great at looking after him in the morning so I can get a shower. My 8yo still has to be talked to as they try and wake DS up on purpose to get interaction! Hang in there, it will get easier and the older ones will be a great help in a couple of weeks.

I also had to speak to the older two about not touching his face or at least washing their hands before they held him as DS is so wee and so many bugs still going around their school.

Good luck and hope you get some more sleep soon 🤞

I’m not sure what breastfeeding has to do with it. I exclusively breastfed my son (he wouldn’t even take a bottle of breastmilk) and that had nothing to do with other people holding the baby. I hope in the few days since you posted this that you’ve had a bit more rest and your other children have got the message to hold gently and not poke and prod the new baby

Nice to see all the supportive replies here 🙄

seriously OP parent how you want. I used to get very territorial about my newborn. It’s instinct I guess. You’ve just given birth and you are getting to know your baby, who isn’t there to entertain siblings, and you are tired. Explain to your kids gently and do what makes YOUR life easier.