‘D’P hit stepson

[289406520t]

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

Just read your update, If he was a bed wetter until his mid teens then your partner is even more abusive.

This has made me sad to read. Both my boys were late to be dry at night, my oldest ended up on desmopressin for a few years which mostly worked really well to keep him dry. He was about 14 by the time he was dry without the desmopressin. My youngest was about 9/10 by the time he was dry. I can’t imagine the distress your SS must be feeling over something he has no control over. I can’t tell you how many times we had wet bedding / pjs to deal with and as he got older my poor son was mortified but we just tried not to bat an eyelid over it although sometimes there might be an internal sigh at all the washing to be done. No one wants to be wet at night. Get your SS some professional help and show your husband this thread and let him see what people think of him and his methods of dealing with this. Its abuse.

If your DSS is wetting the bed at 11 he needs to go to the GP and get his hormones checked (there is often a medical issue going on linked to hormones).

I would see it as a massive red flag.

Poor child. This has really upset me.

I found that really upsetting to read. That poor child.

Your update is unsettling as it seems you are going to excuse this abusive behaviour.

It's called enuresis he needs meds and will grow out of it when he hits puberty. Does he have adhd?

I really hope this shitty behaviour isn't going to be glossed over because the arsehole produced a bag of haribo and a sob story. From working with a women's shelter buying gifts after abuse is textbook. The poor kid.

OP what's his mum like? I ask because if she's a good mum tell her to get her son help. Tell your twat of a dp that he's actually making it worse for dss. By now having to hide it and being in fear he's causing more anxiety and stress for dss which means this will all affect his bed wetting even more. I'm not medically trained but I also wouldn't accept a generic response of he'll grow out of it at 11year old. Something is going on , that boy needs help and that gp may have got it wrong. Seek a second opinion and please do right by that kid and get him some help OP. Today's it's dss tommorrow your own could be in that situation so please help him. Your partner needs a stern word ( maybe a punch because you know he grew up with it so it's ok right) . And then think long and hard about if this man is right for your kids to be around.

He has caused trauma in his son which he will always remember - in the same way he remembers being bullied only this time instead of it being some random kid it is his father. A few Haribo won't alter that.
What he has done is despicable and I would never feel the same again about someone who did that to a child.

So he hit him and is now lovebombing him with sweets - classic cycle of abuse

So your partner was "hit harder" when he was a child. It didn't do him any harm, unless you think bedwetting until 14/15 might have been a consequence? Your stepson needs to be taken back to the GP but not blamed or bullied by his father, of course he's not doing this deliberately.

You need to report this to the police so that when you leave your partner he won’t be able to have unaccompanied access to your children. If he does it to your stepson he will do this to your children too. He needs convicting of assaulting his child.

what an absolute abusive bullying bastard your partner is, I feel so sorry for your stepson, I would absolutely blow my top at your partner, I would not hold back at all, I would also tell the child's mum what he has done. I would tell him to leave, he'll start on the others soon enough. maybe contact social services. let him know this is an absolutely despicable thing to do and noone will be allowing him to get away with it.

Also, can I just say what a wonderful step mum you are for trying your best to look out for your stepson. I've not long lost my stepdad and can't stress enough how amazing it is to have someone step up to the plate.

I hope you and your ss get away from this man sharpish x

Find your backbone and rip his bollocks off. He is a vile bully. He knows nothing about children’s bladder development.

1. tell the child’s mother
2. tell him you expect an immediate apology to the child and an assurance that he will never treat any of the children like that again.

Make it clear you are done if he does not improve.

This broke my heart. If you stand by and let this treatment continue you are just as bad as your partner.

Right? He’s thought of a way to get out of what he’s done.

Please don’t lap it up.

@289406520t
ADHD does NOT make people violent! His possible ADHD has nothing to do with this.

He hit his child - despite "smacking" not actually being illegal in England (!!!), I would say that smacking a child because of something that is completely out of their control is not a "reasonable punishment". (Assuming you are in England.)

Something I think it an important distinction - did your partner "smack" or "hit" his child? Was it open handed or closed? Very serious considerations to make, in my opinion! (Neither are excusable, of course.)

Also - brought him sweets and apologised??!! All the hallmarks of domestic violence-esque "I'm so sorry, I don't know how it happened, it won't happen again" bullshit excuses from an abuser.

He's done this once and raised the red flag. You have a duty to safeguard your stepchild by telling his mother and the relevant authorities. When a child's safety is at the forefront it isn't the sort of situation where you get another chance.

Otherwise you will be having these conversations about your own children next.

Absolutely this. If you do not act then you are complicit!!

I understand how incredibly hard all of this is for you, but you really do have a duty to safeguard your stepchild.

Have you or him told his mum?

If you were to split he might have unsupervised contact with all of your children. Not saying not to consider this of course but something to really think about re safeguarding.

So sorry you and your step son are going through this.

Your partner is a nasty bastard who’ll be doing the same to your own children in a few years. Leave him, now. Make sure your stepson’s mum knows, too, so she can protect her child.

Your partner is an abusive bully. That poor child

He's definitely shown his true colours. obviously if the child is wearing dry nites at home.. how would he be bullied at school it's something the child would keep private
His dad is beyond vile ,abusive prick.when he's an old man I hope he's left sitting in his own piss.

He's a pathetic piece of shit and a particularly shit parent.And you find this man attractive?

Your SS will not forgive him in exchange for some sweets. Being hit affects long term parent-child relationships.

You need to speak to this child’s mum ! Does she know your partner abuses him and torments him ? What on earth are you still doing with him and allowing it to happen in front of you ?
that child might need medication but with a dad like that it might actually also be him being bullied constantly.