‘D’P hit stepson

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I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

On the bed wetting front- maybe make sure he doesn't drink anything 2h before bed but make sure he drinks plenty throughout the day and when he wakes up. That might help.

There is no 'apart from this'

Any 'parent' who does this and as this attitude is a piece of shit that I wouldn't be able to look at.

Stop making excuses. He's abusive

Then have a little chat with social services

Poor kid. He will hit your children too.

And why does he think your SS will get bullied at secondary school.

How would they know?

Get your children away from this man as soon as possible. He will start on them soon. The psychological damage he is doig to his son is dreadful. Make sure his mother knows what is going on.

You aren't interfering, you are intervening to prevent child abuse.

That poor boy. No 11 year old is going to wet the bed if he can control it. Even if he was treated fine he would still be humiliated. But to he hit for it, my God. I hope you or his mother get him out of this situation at once.

Your DP is a RAGING TWUNT!!

He's an ignorant, abusive piece of shit.

That poor boy, honestly 😔

God, I don't know what I would do in your position. In theory you leave the b£%&!_d. But in all honesty I would worry that wasn't the best way to protect the children. Firstly, would the mum have your stepson if you told her, or be happy for you to continue having him with your children? Not that it's your responsibility, but would you want to have him to stop his mum having to rely on his dad? Are you in a position to leave, without needing to rely on him for childcare? Would he be likely to want to take responsibility for your kids if you left him? Normally men like this cba but the fact that he has your SS most of the time would concern me if I were you. Can you get some advice from dv charities or the NSPCC? You need to leave him, but you also need to put protection for your children and your SS in place before you do.

And I’m 45 now and if I’m staying anywhere new, I still get the fear that I may wet the bed - which is ridiculous, but the shaming and shouting I endured left it’s mark.

This. Get your children away from him and advise the ss mother. If the ss discloses to the school hopefully it will trigger some oversight, that poor child. What a disgusting human being

With any luck the kid will tell the teacher and the teacher will report it to the welfare team and getting social services involved. Absolutely no excuse for hitting. If he hits him, he'll hit your 4 year old and little one too eventually. You picked a bad one.
The bed wetting however would annoy me at age 11. He will get bullied and he's far too old to be doing that. Something definitely wrong there and dr shouldn't be saying he'll grow out it. Ban drinks 2 hours before bed time and make sure he pees before bed.

Something definitely wrong there? You reckon? Could it be having to spend so much time with his abusive father the thing that's "wrong with him?"

This might happen to your stepson OP and your DP is possibly the reason he is bed wetting at age 11.

I'm not sure what you can do about the chance of him getting your kids 50% of the time if you leave him and then being free to do this to them as well while you're not there.

As pp have said maybe getting social services involved is an option. I would think long and hard before involving social services in my family life in case it has unintended consequences and perhaps seek information from someone who'd been in this situation before and had their involvement.

You need to leave and protect the two children you can, and you need to contact social services and let them know that he's abusing his son.

You need to tell his mum your partners a bully

He is disgusting and you need to walk away.

I agree, but leaving also leaves the chance that her children, and ss, would then be solely under the supervision of her partner, whereas at the moment as a sahm she is able to be there. It's not as straightforward as ltb, unless she is going to go into hiding and refuse him any access, which is she is unlikely to be able to enforce long term if he is likely to go through legal proceedings to see them.

What on earth are you doing in a relationship with someone like that? Absolutely vile pig of a man he is.

My heart breaks for that poor boy. Your husnand sounds like the bully. I hope he doesn't treat all of you like this.

You need to tell the mother, like immediately!

I couldn’t stay with a man like that. And I was thinking of using my first ever LTB, but if you do leave, that would leave your stepson with his father alone. Which would be awful. Who would protect him then?

God, this story makes me want to cry. Please please please tell the mum.

as an aside, someone needs to organise a consult with a specialist bedwetting advice service. This needs dealing with and it’s crap parenting not to do so

OMG poor little lad, make sure you give the little guy some love and support OP.

@Whyarepeoplesoweird the poor child is living with an abusive parent. How on earth would children at school know?

There is obviously a medical reason which could be anxiety, hormonal but not drinking before bed is unlikely to sort just lead to a child not hydrating enough.

There is an organisation that can give advice. Not sure of UK version.

Bed wetting is hormonal. Lots of children go through it. Screaming at and hitting will make it worse.

Honestly I’d be thinking about LTB and telling your stepsons mother. He hit his son over something he cannot help.
i would not want this man around my children, he cannot control his temper.