‘D’P hit stepson

[289406520t]

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

This.

Your man is a disgrace.

This is so so so incredibly damaging.

Poor boy can't help it.

We all hope that we are not damaging our children with the way we parent, but often we’ll just never know.

However, on this thread you have a unique glimpse into the future with many posters telling you exactly how damaging being shamed/shouted at/hit actually is for something that they had no control over.

No 11 year old wants to wet the bed. Bedwetting tends to run in families so one can only hope your four year old and 18 month old are reliably dry at night sooner rather than later. It's a great pity you had children with him because even by the lower than low mumsnet standards he's no candidate for "Dad of the Year", is he? How does he think that your stepson's classmates will find out about the drynites?

My grandmother, when she was annoyed, was prone to throw a poker at her children. They all survived with excellent reflexes but that doesn't mean that my mother thought that poker throwing was a good method of behaviour modification for children or that it would be tolerated today.

Your partner is as thick as a brick. He is unlikely to get any smarter. I would chuck him out, tell your stepson's mother and report him to the authorities.

Unless, of course, he was a bedwetter himself...

This update just makes his reaction even worse. So he knows better than anyone what it's like to be humiliated for bed wetting and thought the best way to address it was to humiliate his son? Great job there dad.

How is shaming him which will make him feel anxious and scared and more likely to have an accident helping him exactly? Your partner needs to deal with his own issues from his experience and stop projecting on his son

Please tell his mum. Your partner is causing irreversible damage. What a horrible man. His poor son. No amount of sweets can make up for what he did.

Seen the updates this just gets better and better…..Soooo your ss has inherited the exact problem your “dh” had and he’s that mad about it 🤣 as if things couldn’t get anymore of a flipping joke! And buying sweets won’t reverse what a evil bastard he truly is!

No wonder the kid is anxious with a dolt like that for a parent. Review your situation OP before your children begin to suffer similar.

@289406520t I forgot to add on my post you can buy Kylie bed protector. I bought 2 from amazon. You put them on top of the bed sheet and when it gets wet, just put it in the washing machine. Saves so much washing. They dry quickly.