‘D’P hit stepson

[289406520t]

I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

As a 50+yr old woman who was physically punished herself I actually find this really upsetting.That poor child, trying to change his bed and being humiliated. You have to take action on this, it's really distressing.

Its the most upsetting thing I've read and OPs reaction

This. As if an 11 year old would be wetting the bed on purpose. How ridiculous for your h to say that.

Thats awful. Poor DS. i can’t believe your idiot P thinks he’s doing it on purpose!

I suggest you tell him it IS your business as it’s happening in your home to someone you care about. And tell him if he lays another finger on him then next time you’ll call the police and SS and not just his bio mum…

‘Apart from that he’s a good Dad’

what the actual..!?

He abused his child. Apart from that? There is no apart from that.

Call the police and dump him. Obviously. Or you're complicit. If SS get involved, they will assume you are.

To be fair OP has said she will tell his mum and she will be leaving him, so it’s clear she understands the gravity of it all.

I despair at the world. How can a grown man think bed wedding is somehow intentional?

Oh poor baby. He's so little and this is out of his control, feel so sad that he's been hit over this. Agree with everyone else. Tell his mum and the school too

Partner got back from work and bought sweets back for stepson and has apologised to him. He's told me he wet the bed up until he was around 14/15, he had a sleepover at around stepsons age and another child noticed and told their classmates causing him to get bullied which he doesn't want for stepson. He said he's been thinking about it and he realises hitting him was wrong but he's frustrated/worried about stepson and his future.

I think I still will tell stepsons mum but I'm unsure about what else to do.

He needs to get some anger management first off. He cannot let his own feelings lead to a loss of control. Of he wants to make amends he needs to actually get this sorted. Hitting a child is never acceptable, and his own history isn’t an excuse. If he wants to continue to parent he needs to seek support for the fact he lashed out.

As I said right at the beginning, I was positive that he had been in the same situation himself. At least he has processed why he was so angry and knows it was unreasonable. But what if it happens again? It is possible your joint children will also be bed wetters until they are in their teens. How is he going to deal with that? Will you take the risk?

Christ that just makes him even more of a cunt doesn't it.

"I'm going to thump my son and bully him even though I have first hand experience of exactly the same thing"

Bedwetting is often genetic. If your husband wet the bed until his mid-teens it’s likely his son will too. I wet the bed well into my teens and drynites are certainly less humiliating than wet beds, it’s miserable to feel utter embarrassment over something you can’t control and to have the added worry of how your family will react. Your husband needs to let his son go back to drynites and he needs to accept that it’s not his son’s fault. What an awful abusive man.

One day he's doing to do the same to your child.

I wet the bed until 13 and now my DS is 9 and is the same - there is a genetic component. We’ve been to the Enuresis clinic three times, and I mentioned it to the paediatrician recently when there for an unrelated reason - both say a child cannot help wetting the bed. Until the hormone vasopressin is produced a child has no/little
control over bedwetting. There are things you can do to help in the meantime with varying success. Your DP could try and do something constructive like asking the GP for another referral to an enuresis clinic.

However, your DP is being an arsehole and needs to educate himself on a website such as the ERIC charity.

Up to you what you do now. All the calls to contact the police and safeguarding will fall on deaf ears - kids are getting battered to death in plain view - yet another case reported today - so why would the authorities care about this incident. Terribly sad but true.

Sorry, because he brought home sweets and apologised all is well with the world? You need to show you can protect your children. When step son tells school or his Mum, your not going to look good if you stood by and allowed a child to be abused.

Your husband needs serious professional help and until he has had that, he should not be around the children.

And the 'I'm sorry but' is fucking disgusting.

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here.

You do not punish someone for something they cannot help.

I can’t imsgine the shame of wetting the bed and then getting hit for it. No wonder the poor boy was trying to hide it.

It doesn’t matter if he’s 3 or 43.
You dont shame or punish someone for accidentally wetting the bed.

I accidentally leaked from my period a couple of weeks ago.
I can’t imagine anyone shaming me over it.

FFS. A little too late for sweets, don't you think? Christ.

I wet the bed every night and my father did not spare his leather belt. It didn't make me stop. I am convinced his beatings made me worse. Please stop this abuse.

What a vile man. I wonder if your dh was a late bedwetter?

Read the OPs latest update. He was and that’s why he hit his son.

I've made appointments and taken my DSD to the doctor before with no issues. Maybe worth a try.

Oh god op, I see you minimising this from a mile off.

He's bought sweets and apologised, he's just frustrated and actually trying to protect his son.

Sounds like my ex who just hit me because he was frustrated, then would buy flowers or some shit and apologise and on and on it went for years.

As I said before op your dh is getting frustrated at his sons bed wetting, even though he can't help it, then resorted to violence. What happens when he gets frustrated with your SEN child for behaviours they can't control too? Never mind he might buy a bag of haribo afterwards, that will make up for the assault.

Enuresis clinics are often run by school nurses. Ring the school and get a contact number for the relevant office.
Also, it may be possible to get Dry Nites or similar through them, as a medical need.