‘D’P hit stepson

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I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

Disgusting man.
You sound like a lovely stepmum too.
Bin him.

In a nutshell

I was a late bedwetter. It was because I was being bullied in my own home by my stepfather. Late bed wetting can often be due to psychological stress and trauma (as well as hormonal).

I would be leaving this prize abuser and bully. He’s already done a number on his first child make sure you limit the damage to yours.

I’d also disclose this to social services and his mother.

Sorry OP, awful. Hope this kid gets away from this nasty piece of work and sincerely hope he goes no contact when he is older.

Heartbreaking for this boy. DS wet the bed regularly until around that age. We tried everything. Medication and a bedwetting alarm off Amazon cracked it in time for school camp. After that it was occasional and gradually reduced to the point it hasn't happened for a couple of years.

It tries your patience when you have a load of washing every single day just with his bedding, as dry nites just didn't fully contain it. But knowing an 11 year old boy feels quite shit enough about wetting the bed without a parent adding to the stress, you take a deep breath and get on with stripping the bed.

I hope you both get away from this man.

‘Apart from this his a good dad’

What apart from the fact he hit his child and his a bully ????

At 11 it must be horrendously embarrassing, humiliating and just awful to be wetting the bed and he is dealing with his own feelings of shame and the added fear of his own father humiliating him and being downright abusive and nasty about it is only going to serve to make the boy feel worse.

I would tell the boys mother that it's not safe for their son to be with his father as his father is emotionally damaging him and has now resorted to being violent/aggressive with him.

I would not tell any such a vile man near my own children or myself.

He went to the GP 2/3 years ago and they said it wasn't medical but he has ADHD so it could be somewhat related to that but they said they couldn't do anything about it. Partner didn't have an issue until after his birthday when he took the drynites away as he was too old and going to get bullied when he starts secondary school in September.

I think he does need to go back but I doubt partner would make him an appointment (and they are difficult to get) and I don't think they'd speak to me as I'm not his mum.

I was working up until my youngest was born premature and he has SN so I'm his full time carer which will make it difficult to get a job probably until he's in school and I can get a part time job but he has lots of appointments and will need a few ops

What a horrendous father. Your poor step son can't help it.

Your stepson is bedwetting because his father is an abusive bully.

What you can do about it I’m unsure, I’d say leave him but then poor stepson would be alone. Maybe stand up for stepson as much as you can and tell him you’ll call the police if he hits his son again. It is illegal to hit children - or anyone.

Maybe ask social services for advice?

Ugh I feel so sorry for you all having this man in your lives.

Abusive prick. Flat out no. Would you countenance him hitting your own children? The poor child could have a medical issue or be terrified of his Father. Honestly you need to let his Mum know, I wouldn't want my child being abused and frightened like this in another home. Poor child. Your partner sounds really nasty as well as thick as shit.

What the hell have I just read?

Your stepson CANNOT HELP wetting the bed. If anything, your partner's horrible behaviour could actually make it worse, as trauma/fear/stress is one of the things that can aggravate the problem.

My ex's son had the same issue with bed-wetting at this sort of age. It's really not that uncommon, especially in boys - my ex's son eventually grew out of it around the age of 12/13 I think. And while it's usually just a physical issue, it can definitely be triggered or worsened by emotional stress and things like PTSD (that was certainly factor with my ex's son, poor kid).

Your partner is physically and emotionally abusing his 11-year-old son. He is abusive and cruel,. You seriously, seriously need to get away from this man and I would also be speaking to your stepson's mum and/or contacting the NSPCC or social services about his son's welfare. This is one of the most upsetting things I've ever read on here. That poor little lad.

Apart from this he is a good dad

He isn't a good dad at all. He bullies his 11-year-old child for an already difficult condition that the child cannot help, and hits him. There is no level on which he is a good dad if he's even capable of that.

I could never, ever stay with a man like this.

Your youngest has SEN?

This is what the future looks like for your baby when he starts with behaviours that your dp doesn't consider acceptable.

Go onto entitled to and see how much you would get in benefits and plan from there.

Not read the full thread (so this will have been said already, I am sure) but it is likely that your DP was also a bed wetter. It is hereditary in many cases. It is possible the children you have with him will also have an issue. Do you want them to be dealt with in the same way?

The updates just get more and more horrific.
You call a man who would not take his kid to the doctor, who bullies and attacks the child a good dad? Those poor kids.

It's not that he hasn't been violent before, it's that you've never caught him doing it before.

What a horrible, horrible man. I would tell his mother, and I'd be very careful about leaving your children with him too.

I suspect the main thing making him “good” is that he pays the bills… and THAT apparently trumps the welfare of the children?

You DO know that you would be entitled to a lot of help if you are a full time carer for a sick young child? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent.

Report him to both social services and the police, get a crime reference number and speak to Women’s aid and other women’s shelters.
You are NOT stuck, there’s lots of help.

Anyone who would treat a distressed child this way is very very sick!
Do not ignore this.

I hope other women will be along to tell you step by step what to do…

You need to kick out this bully and report him to Social Services.

You need to have a long conversation with his mother.

Someone needs to step up for this poor child - does anybody actually love him? His mother has prioritized her work (is night shift work really her only choice?) and your P is a horrible man who shouldn't be allowed near any of his children.

He needs to be taken back to the doctor.

Your DH is an abusive prick.

Get rid. This is such a massive red flag, that he is hitting his child over bed wetting - he's a BULLY. that's all it is.

Fucking hell.

I’d bet its your partners intimidating and bullying behaviour which is causing anxiety in your stepson - causing the bed wetting

agree with this

You need to find out what benefits you would be eligible for as a single mum. This needs to be done asap.

You need to report him to Social Services. You clearly have concerns about his violence, and your concerns are not confined to the oldest child.

You need to call Women's Aid and start making plans to get him out of your lives.
0808 2000 247 - Call, leave a message, they will call you back.
He has trapped you, and you need to find a way out.

His mother needs to be told, and she needs to start putting her child first.

You should call the school safeguarding lead too, and report what is happening.

The GP can definitely be told, and can point you to support.

Abused children often fail to toilet train in the usual amount of time. Your partner is physically abusive, and I doubt this is the first time. You must report the incident to the police and the school and take your children and leave.

What a fucking arsehole.
Just think OP, he will think nothing of doing the same to yours if they struggle. He's NOT a good dad. He's a nasty abuser. Like many others here, I'd be telling stepsons mum and divorcing the dickhead. I know its easy to say, but hitting a child for wetting the bed and compounding his shame and sadness by being, frankly, a bully is unforgivable. I'd be very surprised if this is the first incident of nastiness as well. Best of luck to you OP.

So she has effectively abandoned him.

I think you're trying to convince yourself that he's a good dad who has never been violent just so that you can brush this under the rug and avoid taking action.

Your concerns about him hitting the other children as well come from somewhere. I don't think this was a once off - either that or he's normally a man with a 'my way or the highway' approach and you tiptoe around him.

Please report the bullying and abuse. You all need help.