‘D’P hit stepson

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I've been with my partner for 6 years. We have have a 4 year old and 18 month old together. He also an 11 year old.

Stepson wets the bed, he went to the GP and they said he would grow out of it he would wear drynites but at the start of Feb (just after he turned 11) partner told him he was too old for them and refused to buy them, telling him he'd get bullied in secondary school. I tried to talk to him but he said by buying them he was encouraging him to ‘misbehave’

His mum works shifts so we have him most of the time, it varies when she has him due to her shifts so she mostly takes him out for the day/picks him up from school and gives him his dinner etc.

Just after partner stopped buying the drynites stepson was very upset one morning trying to hide that he'd wet the bed. I helped him change his bedding and didn't tell partner as he was very upset and embarrassed.

He had been doing well and hadn't wet the bed for around 2-3 weeks but this morning he woke up with a wet bed. I wasn't home when he woke up so he attempted to change it himself and was caught by partner. I'd just gotten home and could hear partner shouting at him, telling him he's fed up of the behaviour as he hadn't done it in a while so he's capable of not, said he's attention seeking etc. Stepson was upset and telling him he didn't mean it etc and partner hit him on the arm and told him to do his own washing.

I attempted to help him but was told I was encouraging it and undermining him. Partner doesn't see he's in the wrong for any of this, including the hitting. Using the excuse he was hit much harder as a child.

He thinks I'm being unreasonable for getting involved

Alert the boys mother, and get rid of the abuser immediately.

That is truly awful! I hope the SS DM refuses to allow contact now!

Dreadful behaviour!

This is emotional and physical abuse op. Is this the person you want to continue raising a family with? He's completely out of line with his and what he's doing is harmful and is probably undermining the toilet training. He needs to sit down with the doctor or health visitor and have this laid out for him.

Yeah because children regularly wet the bed on purpose....🙄 ffs get a grip and stop defending him. Your SS will never forget this appalling treatment.

Kinnnnnn helllll OP I’d tell his mum and get rid of him! Wonder how he will treat your kids in future if they dare show any undesirable traits/medical issues….what a PRICK alarm bells should be seriously ringing here.

@Everythinggreen how is she lovely? She's staying with a boyfriend so shit he hasn't educated himself in his child's medical problem, and after witnessing him bullying and attacking the child, said he is a good dad.

Yes. That reaction will reduce bedwetting 🙄

This is horrific.
I would not let this man have contact with the kids I share with him and I’m be reporting him for his actions with his DS

Shaming and abusing a child for something entirely out of his control is abusive.

Your ‘D’P is a vile man

Please support your SS

I can't read the thread it's too upsetting.

Your fucking moron partner needs to understand incontinence is a medical condition not laziness or naughtiness. He should have been referred to your local incontinence team.

I would tell the boys mother. And I would tell my partner to fuck off. Partly. For the hitting but mostly for the shaming of a child something that will likely stay with him For the rest of his life

Well at least you know what your own kids have to look forward to I suppose. Your partner sounds like a bit of a cunt to be honest. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

I don't plan on staying with him but I worry about him potentially hitting stepson again if I'm not here, or one of our children. I'm also a SAHM and rely on him financially.

I hate when people say ‘apart from this he is a good dad’. No he isn’t. He is psychologically and now physically abusing his son. End of!

Buy your ss some
waterproof bedding and plenty of spares sheets/covers. Teach him how to wash them himself and then tell your abusive partner to stay the fuck out of his sons bedroom.

personally I’d tell him if he didn’t apologise and stop acting like a prick he can fuck off but you’re down playing what an arsehole he is so at least the first part of my post might offer some comfort to that poor lad.

fwiw, my brother used to wet the bed, our father was also an abusive prick. My DB grew to 6ft 2 and built like a tank at 15, made mine and everyone’s else’s day when he decked that bastard. He’s never wet the bed since leaving home at 16.

I'm so sorry OP, I know your head's probably spinning. I do think you should report him though. I do. It will be horribly hard I imagine but I worry your DSS won't tell anyone because of the shame of bedwetting and he should not have to go through his dad treating him like that.

Your dp has no excuse.

Your partner is a disgrace. Get out of the sake of your son and other children.

He's a horrible dad!!!

You'll need to get a job, urgently, you have zero legal protections being legally single. Reporting the boyfriend to SS will help create a record for when he starts on your kids. You can stay in touch with your boyfriends kid via the mother.

What a vile, abusive prick of a man. Your poor SS. His self esteem must be at absolute rock bottom with that bullying and fear hanging over him. I feel terrible for him.

See above OP. Rarely do I see a thread where every single person is telling you the same thing.

‘He has never done this before’ - you do realise that this will not be the last time don’t you? All abuse starts somewhere with one event.

He has crossed a line and now your poor SS and your own DC have been exposed to DV in their home.

OP you have two DC with this man - this is what they will experience one day when they do something he doesn’t like.

It’s not up to you to tell his mum to change her job but it’s up to you to tell her about this. I really hope that your SS can be protected from this.

"Apart from this he is a good dad "

An otherwise delicious sandwich with a bit of turd in it is still a turd sandwich.

I’ve read a lot on here but this is up there with the most upsetting thing I’ve read in a very long time. Your partner is not a good dad, he’s abusive please don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

Ok.

If you are sahm and financially dependent on him this is more complicated.

Firstly, it is extremely common for men who use hitting as a form of punishment to believe that a child is doing something deliberately when they are not. My ExH believed that our disabled daughter was "putting on" her disability to inconvenience him.

Secondly, if he is not accepting that hitting is a problem and you are not in a position to leave then you have absolutely no power in this relationship. In this situation if he hits one of your biological children and you object you have no leverage over him to get him to stop.

Suggestions:
You need to tell mum (obviously)

You need to look into getting a job. Your DH has demonstrated he thinks hitting is ok. You need to prepare, and stay prepared for the day he hits one of your biological kids or you. Leaving will be easier if you have a job.

You also need an escape fund. Because again, the day is very likely to come where he hits your kids or you. What family do you have? Could you go there?

It's possible that if you tell step son's mum and then leave to live with your mum or a friend for a while and explain that it is because you think hitting is unacceptable and you will not stay with someone who hits that you might be able to scare him into not doing it.

You need to judge how likely it is he will get violent with you if you have the conversation.

God what a hateful man. Focus on protecting all the children (and yourself), violence escalates. Poor boy. His mother needs to know that he has been hit by an adult whose duty is to keep him safe and teach him how to behave with kindness, decency and integrity. These are absent in the man you’re sharing your home with, I wouldn’t stay under the same roof another day.

Your dp is a horrid person. There are medical reasons your dss wets the bed and your dp is abusing him because of it.

How can you say this man is a good dad? He's been being a shit father to his poor son about the bedwetting issue since well before he assaulted him. That's terrible, abusive parenting.