For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

The statistics are that female doctors have CS as a higher proportion than the general female population.

And female OBGYN have CS at a higher rate again than the general female doctor population.

*adjusted for age.

You can ask for a CS for any reason
The fact you "can't imagine" is irrelevant, NHS guidance isnt your imagination! It's very common and if you ask consultants can't just refuse it because it's too awkward or they don't want to do it!

I agree with other posters, it's the "insist" that's the key part here. A "sweet guy" is entitled to his own opinion but nobody who thinks its appropriate to "insist" what another adult does with their body can be described as nice or sweet or caring.

I love this website, posts like this are why I will never leave

In some medical situations the decision can be taken away from the mother because a section is needed so the baby survives.

I'm not aware that medical staff actually consult the father in emergency situations but I'm not a medic so maybe I'm wrong.

He sounds like he has absolutely no clue what giving birth involves, either way. His job in the process is to support his wife and he sounds like has no clue about that either.

Poor woman.

It is major abdominal surgery. They cut through your stomach and then cut through your uterus, reach inside you and pull your baby out. In most cases the surgery is under local anaesthetic, so you don’t feel the pain at that moment but you are still awake and can still be aware of “tugging”. After that, when the local anaesthetic has worn off, you’ve still had major surgery. Your friend may need to be given blood thinner injections to take every day for two weeks, which really fucking sting. The scar may get infected. She will want to hold a cushion to her stomach when she coughs or sneezes for a few weeks because that jolt will hurt her. She will not be able to drive for 6 weeks or lift anything heavier than her newborn because she had major abdominal surgery. It’s not an easy, pain free route.

The husband doesn’t get a day in how she delivers her baby but if she’s honestly just thinking cs is the “easy” route she probably needs a good dose of reality.

It's not up to the husband to decide how a woman gives birth it is the woman's choice.
But your friend needs to know exactly what a c section entails. She will be in pain after the operation. Also she can have a pain free vaginal birth if she has an epidural . Ultimately it is her choice but she needs to be well informed.

I didn’t even get the pain injection! The diamorphine or morphine, whatever they call it. The midwife said it would slow things down and I was doing fine. I was not fine. I’d been pushing for 3 hours after labouring all night long, the consultant had seen me and baby wasn’t in distress so they decided to let me keep pushing. I asked for pain relief and the midwife said no.

Women are treated like they’re worth nothing in the NHS.

And now this woman is being treated like her needs are worth nothing to her husband as well. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Sounds like this man and you clearly have no idea about giving birth. ‘A lot less hassle….’?? Seriously? It’s manor abdominal surgery literally cutting into your stomach. Either way of giving birth can be painful.

Also, stop defending him. He clearly isn’t a perfect partner is he by ‘insisting’ how someone else gives birth ffs.

Unless your pain relief fails during the section.

I've had four vaginal births, 2 of those with gas and air and one with a failed epidural and a little pethedine. One with nothing. It was not the most painful thing I've ever experienced at all. Not by a mile. It hurt, yes. But it was absolutely nothing compared to the burning relentless agony of infected gout in my hip joint or gall stones.

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy. And as a previous poster has pointed out, abuse often starts or ramps up in pregnancy.

I’d suggest she finds someone else to be her birthing partner. A man who wants to ‘insist’ on vaginal birth is not a man that I’d trust to support me through what can be a difficult and traumatic experience. I needed my DH to advocate for me at times, and needed to know I could trust him. That doesn’t sound likely here. Is he likely to insist on other things like no pain relief? How will he respond if she needs an emergency c-section?

He is being entirely U.

It’s her body and her decision. Not his in any way.

However I also think she would be better off knowing in advance that a C section is not pain free - the recovery as I understand it can be very painful.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely

If he was absolutely lovely he'd STFU and sit this one out as it's got nowt to do with him!
As Rachel would say - "no uterus, no opinion!" 😁

Could totally be projecting here as I’m thinking of my own DMIL but I wonder if it is his Mother that has got inside of his head about this. I very nearly told my DMIL to get out of my v because she kept going on and on about hurrying up and getting her in the club and having grandchildren very soon after we got married. Some DMILs really do think they have a say in our reproductive region. Maybe ask your friend what her DMIL is like regards this.

Doctors almost always favour surgery. What about midwives? Do midwives opt for C-section or vaginal birth?

He probably thinks it’ll mean he won’t have to do anything once the baby is home. If she has a CS he’ll probably have to actually do stuff….like, you know, caring for his wife and new child. With a VB he probably thinks there’s less chance of him having to help in any way.

@TwigletsAndRadishes I had a maternal request Elective C-Section with no issues, no pushback to the request. Some of the midwives said it was a good choice. And it was for me as they were chronically understaffed so women in labour weren’t getting the care they deserved.

@Anguish this man is categorically not a nice guy, I don’t know how you and your friend think that but he certainly has you convinced. Even if it’s a romantic notion nobody nice would put that above their partner’s comfort. I would really watch carefully anyone so controlling. Well I would run a mile bit sometimes you sometimes know when you’re in danger.

Giving birth is of course extremely painful. The one upside is that no one is expecting you do to anything else at the same time. On the flip side if she’s had the ECS and her recovery is painful, she’ll have a child to care for at the same time. Just worth thinking about!

You get a spinal block for the procedure (though you can still 'feel' what's happening), but the recovery is the painful bit.

But anyway, anyone who tries to 'insist' on their wife/partner having a certain type of birth is definitely no nice guy.

Could be this of course!

He is allowed to express an opinion. He is not allowed to insist.

I had hardly any pain after my C section, I was walking about 8 hours later and totally pain free by day 7. And I have a very low pain threshold.

In fact I was in a lot less pain than my friends who had vaginal births.

Her body, her choice. Until HE gives birth he can butt out!

I just want to point out that recovery from vaginal birth might also take weeks. It all depends on the birth.

Maybe because they are uniquely positioned to monitor their own PGs in great detail rather than relying on the standard periodic appointments. They are also qualified to recognise the signs way ahead of time that a CS is going to be likely, or that a vaginal birth is likely to be very difficult. Because they know what they are talking about, it won't be difficult to get other HCPs to take them seriously and plan accordingly. Whereas the rest of us just do as we are told, and get what we get. If it's an awful birth experience or an emergency CS when a planned one would have been more appropriate then so be it.