For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

Depends on the vaginal birth, doesn’t it?

Maybe he's a controlling bastard. Or maybe he is concerned for his wife having an operation, and her recovery time after. She is likely to need more support after a c section than with a vaginal delivery. Does he have enough time off work to provide this? Is finances a consideration? Does he wish for a large family and feels a c section may make this more difficult? Has he read things about a vaginal birth being safer for mother and baby and that being his main priority? Perhaps your friend needs to ask him? But ultimately, yes, of course it's your friends decision.

Is this a reverse? Are you "the sweet guy"? Because it certainly sounds like you don't understand either.

Having had both, I can categorically say that is utter nonsense.

Not me, no. I personally think a CS sounds like a lot less hassle than vaginal.

He doesn't get a say that's between the woman giving birth and the medical staff, maybe he holds some sort of old fashioned views. My own mil expressed to my dh that his cousin would be depressed because she had to have another section in her second birth. He asked me about it and I said live baby and mother at the end of the safe birth experience is the best outcome.

Encouraging her to consider it and support her if she wants to try is sweet.
Putting his foot down is shit and reveals a hidden attitude of ownership over her birth.

The only thing he should care about is a healthy and well mum and baby at the end of it all. Not everyone gets that.

She's being ridiculous, recovering from a c section is way more painful and difficult than 95% of vaginal births. There's advantages for the baby to be born vaginally too. In certain circumstances c sections save lives but as an elective, no I'm with him

Well unless she's paying to go private it's pretty unlikely she'll be given a CS just because she's afraid of the pain, so what he thinks is irrelevent really.

As I understand it, they put you under anaesthetic for the procedure.
It's not the procedure, although that is done normally under local. It is the recovery.
I would disagree a little the decision is the one giving birth and her medical teams.
But yes her partner sounds controlling and DV often starts in pregnancy

Seriously though what does "insist" mean? And what happens if she "insists" that she wants a CS?

Also- there is still pain involved with a CS- it just comes after the birth not during!

My DH with our first was initially like that. No epidural, all natural, originally wanted home birth. It was ignorance.

After we almost died got rushed to theatre hes never said a peep again or commented on birth to any lady 😅

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be expressing concern about her having c-section if it’s not medically necessary, simply because it’s major surgery and the recovery from it will very likely be much longer and more painful than a vaginal birth. But it’s entirely her decision and if she truly feels it’s right for her then of course he needs to respect that. It’s her body! He doesn’t get to ‘insist’ on anything she chooses to do with it.

He’s trying to protect his wife and child from major surgery that can have long term ramifications. Clearly it’s her choice but doesn’t make him a bad guy.

NHS website says you are entitled to request CS.

To be honest it would depend on why he said it. Could it be he is worried sick about her. Find out why before we all say LTB.

obviously it his entirely her choice but maybe he needs reassurance that all will be ok

TBH if thats his opinion thats fine.

I have the same opinion doesn't make me a terrible person, HOWEVER i also strongly advocate woman's choices and its is solely her choice and whilst his opinion is valid unless hes pushy, rude, aggressive or just being a right dick about it i think its fine for him to express.

Wonder how much of a truly lovely bloke he'd be having to squeeze a large pineapple out of his japper?!
I think you're friend needs to find someone who realises that actual childbirth isn't all about him!

How would you possibly know this? Unless you are the "friend". And even then, it's overwhelmingly more likely that you are just completely blinkered.

Nice men who view women as equals and respect their partners, don't think they have a say in a woman's decision about her baby's birth. They believe in bodily autonomy for their partners. There is literally no way that this guy isn't a controlling prick in other ways.

For you. You can only speak for yourself.

This isn't true. If she is in the UK, then she is entitled to request a c section for any reason whatsoever. And if the consultant doesnt want to sign it off, she has the right to be referred to one who will.

OP, there are plenty of pros and cons to both vaginal and c section. Your friend should ask to have a birth options discussion with a consultant midwife, who will go through all the risks and benefits. I had a vaginal delivery with DC1 and only had gas & air - yes it hurt like hell, but it was a wonderful experience. For this pregnancy, i am required to have a c section for medical reasons but I've still had a brilliant discussion with the consultant midwife to talk everything through.

But its nothing to do with her DH and he needs to back off and let her decide what happens to her own body.

Entitled to request. A maternal request cesarean is technically possible, but the NHS isn't currently awash with capacity for surgery, despite what this fictional absolutely lovely and basicaly perfect partner in every conceivable way might prefer.

If I were your friend I’d say yes of course dear as long as I can shove a watermelon up your arse in between contractions.

For what it’s worth, I had an emergency c section and it was absolutely fine. Up and about as soon as the epidural wore off and driving again within a few weeks. No long term issues either.

Being entitled to request one is one thing. Being granted one when there is no medical need is another thing altogether. I didn't even get the epidural I wanted because they just decided during my labour that I could manage fine without it. I can't imagine a medically unnecessary CS is going to be an easy thing to swing. The associated risks, the cost, the fact that you need several members of staff present including an anaesthetist and a consultant, instead of just a midwife. And a longer stay in hospital afterwards.

Is this for real? Unless its his vagina he doesn’t get a say.

I swear, I really need to get off the internet.