For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

That certainly wasn't the case for me. I had two vaginal births, the first of which was extremely bruising and traumatic, including a large episiotomy and further tearing so lots of stitches. My third birth was the caesarean and was far and away the best of the experiences. I recovered much more quickly from it too.

OP, your friend's husband will not be giving birth (I assume). No uterus and vagina = no valid opinion.

Men should have NO say at all in how their wives/partners give birth. Not their body, not their business.

I think it's the 'lot less hassle' wording that gives me pause. It's just a weird and I think quite goady way to describe it.

I've had 3 c-sections so perhaps I'm a bit sensitive about but I hate them being made out to be an easy option, or wussy way out. I'd have loved to have had vaginal births, and would consider a 4th baby if I could.

I will never, ever have another section, as the recovery period was complete and utter hell, and very prolonged, especially the 3rd time.

Absolutely this.

1. unless he is her obstetrician he doesn't get to decide
2. childbirth is necessarily not "the most painful thing that can happen", and I hate the rhetoric that it is.

Agreed!

Which just goes to show everyone's experience is different really, doesn't it, as for me recovery from my c section was about a million times easier.

I believe statistically speaking an elective (not emergency) c section is safer than a vaginal birth.

Hmm don't think that's right at all. How are you defining safer? It's only going to be safer where there is a medical risk to mother or baby from not performing the section. Otherwise vaginal birth is much safer.

Put you under anaesthetic is a general anaesthetic, you are under, not awake. I was not the only one to point this out to the OP. Why twist the words to fit your own narrative.

He doesn’t get a say. It’s her body and her birth. She just needs to go ahead and arrange it and then tell him that’s what’s been decided.

My concern would be how supportive he is after the birth if he’s really against it. Unless she has more support from family and friends at home she’s going to need him afterwards, as you can’t lift anything bigger than baby for 6 weeks, need help moving around in those early days, can’t drive etc.

I had an elective c-section for my DS (only got the one child so never done vaginal). C-section itself wasn’t painful at all - most painful bit was the cannula and even then they gave me local anaesthetic for it. The whole thing was generally such a positive experience, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. They were discharging me less than 24 hours after the surgery to my disbelief, so I asked to stay an extra day so I could have good painkillers as I was quite sore the first day or 2 once I was up and about. However, 48 hours after birth I was home with only paracetamol and ibuprofen and I don’t remember it being painful after that at all, just uncomfortable and a bit sore, and I was slow at moving. Genuinely the worst bit about my c-section recovery was the daily blood thinning injections for the first 10 days. DH had to help me stand up for the first few days and help me to the loo, to shower etc, so your friend will need some support at home if her DH is still being a prat.

However, within 4 days I was going for daily walks and within 6 days I was out and about going for a birthday meal and was pretty much feeling back to normal after a week, just being extra careful not to do anything to pull at my scar. So it can happen. However I also know people who had c-sections and an awful, painful recovery and were still struggling weeks in so it’s not a given it’s going to be pain free.

Well no. Not every woman can INSIST on a CS when there is no need for it.

Although I did the other way round and refused the CS the doctors were trying to push me into in my first labour

I had a boss who, in conversation it turned out his pregnant wife was at the Dr as the midwives/consultants were concerned about size of baby and wanted to discuss c section. He hadn't even attended the appointment and said, in a very blasé fashion, "oh, its fine, women have been giving birth for thousands of years". I schooled him...

More importantly, he was also a "sweet guy". Except, as it turned out, not so much. He was sweet and nice when everyone was in their place doing what he wanted (women in particular). None of the women I know who worked for him have maintained any contact with him. And Last I heard, his highly qualified and successful wife got tired of being left as the default parent, went back to work and he then promptly had an affair and they got divorced. No idea if he is an engaged father but suspect he's the classic example of a Disney dad.

Just sayin'.

These sorts of comments from "sweet" men are often the harbinger of discovering he's actually a deeply misogynist entitled wa ner.

Yes every woman can insist in the UK. It's our right to choose.

He can give birth out of his vagina any time he likes. Oops, no vagina? Then he can shut up and fuck off.

Your friend’s DH doesn’t sound quite as nice as you think. But then controlling and abusive behaviour often starts during pregnancy. Stay close to your friend - she may need you.

That's the doctors. They like medicalizing stuff. Interested to see the % of midwives who go for elective CS

I have met a lot of midwives whose insistence on normality at all costs was dangerous, and often has tragic outcomes.

Vaginal birth recovery is only fast if the birth is uncomplicated. Mine wasn't, and I couldn't sit down comfortably for six months. Going to the toilet was very difficult for a similar length of time too.

I recovered much better and faster from my third birth, which was a caesarean and wished I had had one for all three of mine.

From someone who suffers from Gallstones, and had a drug free Vaginal Birth …. Trust me, a Vaginal Birth is not the most painful thing that can happen to a woman. Her choice though

Well if it's gone that way then something wrong. So the NHS is apparently always short of money yet they letting people take up resources by wanting doctors surgeons etc rather than just a midwife for no medical reasons whatsoever. No wonder it's in such a state

I have reported

why do people bother with this stupid kinds of posts

Who’s carrying and birthing this baby her or him.!!. However unless someone has had a previous c section or there’s a medical or traumatic reason she probably won’t be given one. They don’t do them just because a women doesn’t want to go through all the pain, or do they.

Not the answers to how many of them choose elective CS though

Alternatively, there's no good evidence that ELCS actually saves the NHS money overall, and people who assume it does without looking into the issue any further are going to draw inaccurate conclusions.

What's ELCS?

Theee are some slight increased risks of things like asthma from CS over vaginal and worries about not getting the bacterial protection from the vaginal canal or something. They're very minor though. Has he maybe read something like that and blown it out of proper toon?

ELECTIVE CESEAREAN SECTION.