For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

yes you are entitled to your opinion, but the problem is when you think your opinion should override everyone else's just because it's yours.

You're not saying 'I don't like the idea of an elective c-section therefore I won't have one,' you're saying 'I don't like the idea of an elective c-section therefore nobody should be allowed to have one. My view be preferred over not just other mothers but also the views of medical professionals with experience in this exact area.'

Again, it's not like 99% of women can give birth just fine without dr input - 1 in 3 first time mums end up needing a caesarean anyway. Even more (nearly 1 in 2) need some other type of surgical intervention - forceps etc.

This reminds me of a programme I saw years ago about pregnancy and childbirth in which the man in the relationship was horribly controlling about how his wife should give birth - vaginal, no drugs etc. The woman was eastern European I think and her English wasn't great and she just looked downtrodden and terrified. I felt so worried for her and I often think of it, even years later. It was really haunting to see such abuse in plain sight and not being challenged.

How lovely. He will sit beside her and mop her brow, if needed, while she gives birth, silently, and with a smile on her face as she gazes adoring into sweet guy's eyes. Any midwives out there who can confirm sweet guy's fantasy for him?

That is true. I was given pethidine and can’t really remember anything clearly from when they gave me the jab until the next morning. My baby also slept for most of the first 48 hours of her life so I’m sure plenty of it got into her bloodstream too 😬

No uterus, no opinion.

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With my first baby, my obstetrician refused a planned C-section. He completely dismissed the concerns from my cardiologist and all midwives involved in my care and my own views.

I don’t think it’s as easy as asking for one unfortunately. I was a cat 1 emergency C-section with my oldest so I had a general anaesthetic. With my subsequent babies, I was awake during the C-section.

I can’t comment on pain from a vaginal birth aside from my contractions, they were manageable. The pain from a C-section isn’t a walk in the park though!

From experience of having 3 cesarean sections 1 emergency and then the others advised by medical staff.

6 weeks minimum recovery. .

A cesarean is a major surgery.

Pain afterwards from the trapped gas and constipation.
Not being able to roll over in bed without pain.
Holding your stomach when you laugh.
Not being able to walk very far for a good few weeks.
It's no walk in the park.

I wish I could of had vaginal deliveries.

If I were your friend I’d say yes of course dear as long as I can shove a watermelon up your arse in between contractions.

I have definitely felt more worried when my loved ones are going to have a caesarean vs a vaginal birth.

Its huge surgery and although vaginal births do come with the their own risks, I feel caesareans are much bigger deals.

Perhaps I’m misinformed but I would worry more if my partner was going through a caesarean and would prefer her to have a vaginal birth if there were no additional risks involved.

He can give his opinion but he has no right to tell her what to do.

⬆THIS!⬆

I had both of my children naturally with no pain meds or epi (and man, oh man, I had counted on getting an epi).

I thought it was the most painful experience of my life. Then I got shingles. Humbled me to my core because THAT made childbirth feel like NBD.

With everything they have available now for childbirth, I would think vaginally would be much easier than a C-section. A few hours versus a few weeks of pain?
C-sections are not the panacea your friend thinks it is. Layers of stitches on layers of cut tissue, ending with either staples or stitches? shudder

Yes you’re misinformed and probably have been exposed to anti medical, non intervention birth

Outdated thinking thankfully. Fear of giving birth is a perfectly accepted reason for a c section nowadays. I elected for a c section to protect my mental health, consultant approved it. Had to have one for medical reasons in the end but I would have had my c section anyway.

Her body her choice.

That being said, I would encourage her to research all birthing options so SHE can make an informed decision that is not coming from a place of fear.

FWIW there have been a few threads re 'What is the most painful thing you've experienced' and most are not childbirth!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4647616-what-is-the-most-pain-you-have-ever-experienced

@easylikeasundaymorn

As I said before - I don’t think my opinion overrides anyone’s and I am not saying anyone should do anything in particular. Completely up to them.

I just can’t fathom how when you weigh it up that a caesarean would be the better medical option for someone who is completely fit and healthy.

I know plenty who’ve had an elective due to breech baby, multiple birth, previous birth complication, advanced age and so on… if there was liable to be significant mental distress or anxiety then fine and absolutely the right option.

Obviously the Dr will be able to advise whoever as to what is safest for them.

It's really weird but I have no recollection of any pain after my C-section. I must have had some discomfort but I don't recall it and neither does my dh. My two vaginal births however OMG. I think I suffered trauma from them so the whole experience scarred me. The c-section was absolute bliss

Unless he's pushing the 7lb watermelon out of his penis he doesn't get a say!

Ask him if he had a watermelon stuck inside him would he rather shit it out or have it surgically removed? I had 3 c-sections and they’re not easy, but vaginal birth can have plenty of complications too, including ending in emergency c-section. If she wants an elective, she should have it. I’m definitely team “no uterus, no opinion” 🙄

Fist time dads have absolutely no clue about childbirth. They don't learn much and form a very romantic view of it being 'natural' and best for the baby. My DH felt like this and was surprised now phobic I am about vaginal birth. A bit of education and giving him a book about pros of c sections quickly had him convinced. Birth injuries are serious!!

It’s more just hearing the experiences women have gone through on here and in RL.

I read a lot more posts/threads from women who have been through caesareans and say that it’s a bigger deal than vaginal births.

Of course it may be biased or they may be exaggerating but I still prefer to listen to the women who’ve actually had them.

This is wrong as far as I’m concerned. I’ve had two. Once it wore off, I wasn’t in pain generally. It pulled when I hauled myself off the bed or sofa, but I wasn’t in any pain otherwise.

You’re probably listening to en who’ve endured hours of labour and wound up with an EMCS. My two electives were bordering on serene.

You can request away but it’s a medical procedure that needs to be done for a medical reason. Not sure low pain threshold counts.

having had both types of birth, I’d go for vaginal everytime - a bit more pain full at the time (even with stitches) but much better recovery than a major operation.

I think they both need to do a bit more research around birth, the pros and cons of vaginally vs cesarean for both mother and baby. However, it's her choice not his.

@Pookerrod, yes I have heard similar things about pethidine. I didn’t ask for it as I didn’t want to feel passive or out of control.
I ended up with no drugs with DC1 because by the time I’d got to hospital and been handed the gas and air it was time to push and the gas was no use at that point.

With DC2 I was at home and didn’t need any drugs. There were definitely times in both births when I was shouting for an epidural but they were short-lived moments and I obviously got through them!

Also I sort of wanted to experience labour and birth without anything to take the edge off. I was curious! Some women call that martyrish or weird or whatever, which is fine as long they don’t also bang on about the importance of maternal choice! I don’t really understand why someone would choose an ELCS without medical need and I also don’t really understand women choosing not to try breastfeeding, but I don’t need to understand other women’s choices.