For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

If he’s talking about pushing the baby out of his chuff then yes 100% his choice.

If not talking about his body he needs stop talking and start listening to what SHE wants.

her body - her choice - end of.

Yeah he's be getting a very loud "fuck off" from me.

My DH supported the decisions I made about childbirth. It was advised I was induced due to baby stopping growing at 38 weeks. I agreed and DH supported. They offered a C-section due to a number of reasons regarding my past infertility, miscarriages and anxiety but not due to a risk of baby, I declined, DH supported.

He gets to decide when he's growing the baby.

Not up to him. So yanbu but yabu cos
childbirth isn’t the most painful thing to ever happen to a woman for many woman. I can list a number of things more painful that I hope no one ever has to experience and I’d choose Vaginal delivery naturally over them every time.

A birthing parent is always a mother. What she may choose to call herself is neither here nor there. If she's giving birth she's both a woman and a mother.

Her body, her choice but I do think your friend is a bit delusional to think a c section is pain free! Has she considered an epidural instead?

CS are pain free that’s the point. CS Analgesia is either spinal block or epidural, or rarely GA

😂😂😂😂😂

Ok. I’ll correct myself, the surgery may be pain free but the recovery isn’t

Yes but when the anaesthetic wears off it is painful and it takes a long time to recover as it is a major operation.

He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way,

Er no he's not. He sounds a complete twat and he does not get to insist anything about someone else's body.

A lot less hassle? Have you ever had a CS? The recovery is far longer than a vaginal birth

Yeah I was definitely pain free for the week after my CS 🙃 and a pain free delivery (not recovery) is certainly not the only "point" of a CS. For many women and babies it's lifesaving intervention, or chosen for any number of other reasons.

"As I understand it, they put you under anaesthetic for the procedure."

No, they give you a spinal block to numb you when they are cutting through 6 layers of the abdominal wall and uterus to baby. Once the spinal block is worn off (around 3 hours later) you have a wound from major abdominal surgery where multiple layers have been cut. I think some think it's the "easy" route. I'd take my vaginal delivery with only gas and air (2 failed epidurals) over a section any day of the week unless I needed one for mine or babies sake.

Why is this any of his business?! I would simply ignore anything he has to say on the matter.

The confidence to announce something with such conviction despite being completely wrong is almost impressive....

It isn't up to him.
At one point it was looking like I might have a c section and DH was worried about it. It's a major surgery and has a recovery time. Perhaps his concern is more about that?

In your experience I assume.

My C section recovery was way easier than my vaginal birth.

He can insist whatever he likes.

Doesn’t mean she has to do it.

Unless he is giving birth then he doesn’t get a choice.

BTW I found c section recovery way worse than vaginal child birth.

Sorry, haven't read through the 19 pages of comments, but just wondered if anywhere it says

• why he has this preference? As he might be under impression that a c section is really risky and is genuinely concerned for his wife.
• will he advocate for her preferences despite his own views. I think a birth partner who you can trust to advocate for you when you are in too much pain to speak, or high on pethidine, or exhausted, or meditating, is so important. I remember in both my births I went into a kind of meditative state - (not intentionally, possibly as a way of dealing with the pain) and I could hear my husband like he was far away (but he was next time me) telling the midwives what I wanted and needed as we had discussed every possible scenario in advance. It was a huge comfort. But if he is going to go against her wishes I would consider an additional/alternative birth partner who can be 100% trusted to advocate her wishes

A vaginal delivery isn’t even close to the most painful thing ever.

Huge red flag ! He's absolutely lovely and perfect to all those around him, this would raise huge concern if my friend were telling me this! Her body, her choice.

To be honest I think she is being massively naive and thats the biggest concern.

A c-section is NOT easy, its major surgery on a huge organ, slicing through flesh, muscles and nerves and afterward you have weeks of recovery while caring for a baby often with nothing more than OTC drugs like paracetamol.

He can't force her to do anything as its not his say but someone really should point out how deluded the idea that a C-section is the easy/painless option is before she finds herself shocked and in pain.