For DH to insist on vaginal birth not ceasarean

[Anguish]

Asking for a friend. Why would he care either way? She has a low pain tolerance and doesn't want to experience the most painful thing that can happen to a woman.

EDIT: He's absolutely lovely and basically a perfect partner in every conceivable way, which is why it's slightly out of character.

I’ve been a midwife for 16 years and part of my job now is counselling women who request a CS without medical indication. It’s not difficult, I’m not there to persuade her otherwise, just to make sure the pros & cons of both types of birth are discussed so she can make an informed choice. If she definitely wants a CS then I book it for her at the end of the appointment. I’m yet to meet a consultant who would refuse a mat request CS, especially when most obstetricians I’ve met opt for an elective CS themselves. This isn’t just one hospital either, I’ve worked in 4 units in different parts of the country and none of them have made anyone fight to have a CS if that’s what they want; women are fed a myth that they’ll have to jump through hoops to get the birth they want but the reality is often quite different.

Like with my eldest DD after 42 hours of contractions. They tried to bully my 19 year old self into a CS . I steadfastly refused to sign the consent form

Lots of posters on this thread with out of date advice or just assuming their opinion on c-sections is correct.

The guidance changed recently (within the last 2 years) and a maternal request c-section is now permitted. There doesn’t need to be a particular reason for making that maternal request, so even ‘I just don’t want to give birth vaginally’ is acceptable.

At my booking appointment, when covering medical history, I said to my midwife that I was nervous about the affect of pushing and potentially needing forceps would have on my pelvic floor in light of a previous rare gynae surgery I had, she said straight away that an elective c-section was an option and she could refer me to a consultant. I’ve got that appointment in 3 weeks time, when I will be 16 weeks.

I have 2 words for this "sweet" man.

But do 1 in 3 actually need a CS. Or are they just told that? Like I was and obviously DIDNT. need it as DD1 born vaginally with no issues

I don't really give a fig whether other people have one or not although astounded that the NHS does them willy nilly.

Never had one myself After long labour with DD1 then DD2 was born in 12 mins flat lol

However I've had a hysterectomy ( cervical cancer) and was weeks and weeks before back to normal. Pain , hobbling about , terrible gas and split open scar Couldn't have coped with that with a newborn and other kids to lift about, do nursery runs etc

Not in my experience no. Everyone who I know that’s had a CS has said how extremely painful it is and they’ve all taken longer to recover

I’ve done a virginal birth (with epidural) and an emergency c section and give me the vaginal any day, within hours I was back to normal not even a twinge. The c section was agony for weeks. But her body her choice and that’s the end of it.

I think it's her choice not his.

C section not necessarily easier/painless option though.

https://youtube.com/shorts/AYqPYxv8TEg?si=ewqesQ4xeo_XL-N-

I was absolutely shit scared of having to have a c section. Didn't want an operation etc.

I was lucky in that I was able to have vag delivery with gas and air and, other than feeling a bit saddle sore for a couple of days, was fine. Dh was, perhaps, more traumatised by having to wipe my arse when I pooed though. I have a vague memory of that, but it's clearly a memory he will take to his grave😁

Acute, infected sinusitis though.... nothing will ever, ever come close to that.

@TwigletsAndRadishes you can have a c section for whatever reason you want 😂 ‘I don’t want to split my vagina’ was top of my list. My consultant didn’t care what my reasons were though, because women in the UK have the right to choose how they give birth.

That’s right, OP. Women. Not their partners. I didn’t even ask my other half what he thought, but if I had he would have said ‘it’s not up to me, you are the one who has to do it’.

My friend’s ex didn’t want her to have a c section, or even pain relief either. She thought he was a sweet guy. He’s not though, he’s a complete prick. Only a complete prick would tell someone else what to do with their body. We are very glad he is an ex.

Your ‘friend’s’ partner should keep his opinions to himself unless he plans on pushing baby out of his mangina.

He absolutely has no say.

However I find her just not wanting the pain to be a bit of a ridiculous reason for a C section. It’s a massive unnecessary cost to the NHS and slightly raises risk to he health of the baby and mother. Anecdotally I had an emergency C section and the midwives were very surprised when DD just latched onto a nipple and started sucking away soon after birth as apparently issues with breastfeeding are more common after C sections.

Opposite for me, I know more women who've had vaginal births who had long term issues.

After counselling and explaining the risks.
It's not just a free choice.

And that's probably where the DH is coming from. It's generally accepted that vaginal birth is "best" unless a CS is safer for specific reasons. If her DH is trying to persuade her of this...the same as her MW and Dr's then I don't see the problem.

Depends on the person. My C section was not particularly painful even in the short term, far less "months"

Everyone’s experience will be different, we’re only going off what we’ve heard from people we know. However it’s the mums choice on how she wants that experience to go and the DP doesn’t get to say which type of birth she should have based on what he thinks is better

Mine either, I was up and about within 8 hours and totally pain free in a week.

I think you've been unfortunate then. My elective c section was nothing like that.

You don’t have to have counselling. It is a free choice. I literally said ‘I’m having a c section’ and they said ‘ok then’.

I don’t know anyone who has had an elective who has been sent for counselling. Explain the risks, yes, then that’s it.

My 2 c sections were brilliant despite me being obese, geriatric, history of abdominal surgeries, other health issues. I was practically skipping by day 5. Could have probably driven if I wasn’t on my arse from lack of sleep.

Friends gave birth vaginally around the same time I had my sections. I was recovered far far sooner than they were.

When he's pregnant, and his body is the site of birth, he can choose. Your pregnancy, your choice, your body.

This is my current experience.

I'm having twins, said I didn't want to deliver twins vaginally and that was it.

No counselling.

I almost died from both of my sections

would I recommend one?

fuck no! I had zero pain. But I had huge blood clots and no way would I ever risk that again

i spent a year in hospital!

This is awful! Sorry but this is not a ‘sweet guy’. Absolutely no way he should have an opinion on this! Does he also insist on breastfeeding?

Mine neither!

were these emergency sections after a horrendous labour?

I personally don’t think elective csections should be allowed. I understand vaginal births are painful but why take a greater risk and a longer recovery by having a c section unless there is a medical need.