To say no more bringing the dog to our house

[Toopytoop]

My step kids mum has recently gotten a dog. She works nights and the children have started "wanting to bring their dog" when they come to ours. I suspect what is actually going on is she is starting to feel guilty leaving a dog by itself all night and so is encouraging the kids to desperately "want" to bring their dog with them here.

Aibu to say no more bringing the dog with them?

They stay 3 nights a week and DH goes to work early so I'm the one who ends up in the house all day with it or until their mum sometimes decides to pick it up on her way home in the mornings.

Nope. The adult who buys the pet is responsible for the animal. Entirely

Christ. Do people not understand nuance. I didn’t say it MAKES her an evil stepmother, I said it is “setting her up to be” completely different.

In referring to the “my house, my rules” approach, when the kids have asked their dad and he has said yes and the stepmother turns around and is the one to say no- citing this is my house- she is being set up to be the bad guy. I hope that is clear

Yanbu.
But those who think she should have the dog, how does it work if the dog trashes the house? Would ex be expected to have insurance to cover it it is it ops responsibility as she is meant to be looking after a dog she doesn't want in her home for no thanks? Dogs defecate and urinate and puke where they shouldn't, are rarely well trained. Also what if the dog gets injured, say it eats chocolate at OPs house. Is OP responsible for the vet bill?

Either this or surely the dog will be asleep in the night and perfectly fine at home for the 8 night time hours. The ex goes home and sorts her own dog out.

No, you weren’t clear. Are you saying the dad should have shut all this down in the beginning when ex asked to avoid OP being set up as the evil step-mother?

@Pheasantsmate

its rough being a woman

you’re either “the bad guy/wicked stepmother” or else be a complete doormat whose wants and needs count for fuck all

don’t stand for it it op and ignore all the Martyrs on here

Yes, this is a good idea. It sounds like the husband is fine with it because the bulk of looking after is done by the OP.

Never ceases to astound me how idiots will literally find any and every excuse to make the step mum the bad guy

the dog belongs to the exW. SHE and she alone is responsible for it. It stays in HER house. The kids come and stay with their dad and that is all there is to it.

It is not part of the OPs life, the dog belongs to her Husbands Ex wife. So fuck all to do with Toopytoop

🙄

I can't understand for the life of me why you would even consider stopping the children from bringing their dog! It's part of the family and it's wrong to leave it overnight. Let them bring the dog for goodness sake!!

I can’t understand why you think OP should. She is not the dog’s owner and who knows if it would even listen to her. If it destroys parts of their home, will the ex-wife pay for the damage? OP obviously wasn’t asked if she wanted to be responsible for the dog when the ex-wife got one or would see it as a family pet that she wouldn’t mind visiting.

If this was any other relative or family member, very few if any would say they would have to have the dog in their home. Ex-wife got a dog, it is fully her responsibility to take care of it and that includes finding people who want to have a dog in their home.

You're definitely not being unreasonable.
Maybe you could let them bring it every so often if it turns out that the kids really would like the dog there, but only if you were ok with that, and definitely not a routine thing.

Just say no. Before you know it you will become dog carer, taking it vets etc.

Pet ownership is costly - food, flea treatment, worming tablets, vaccinations - it soon mounts up

Just say no. Before you know it you will become dog carer, taking it vets etc.

Pet ownership is costly - food, flea treatment, worming tablets, vaccinations - it soon mounts up

1. Wrong. The dog isn't part of OP's family anymore than the ex is - nobody would propose for her to stay overnight.
2. Have you really missed the fact that the kids do indeed bring the dog with them when they arrive, but dont take it away with them when they leave? Instead, they/the ex dump it on OP to provide unpaid doggy daycare.

Why didn't you say no straight away? You should enforce boundaries in your own home. It simply isn't up to you to be taking care of the dog, what if anything happens whilst he or she is in your care? I wouldn't be surprised if she would expect ou to pay or go halves on the vet bill. I'd tell your dh that the dog isn't welcome and actually it's you doing the legwork not him. Yanbu!

Some bonkers comments here. You don't want to look after your partners ex's dog. Fair enough. So don't. She was an idiot to take on a dog without thinking through care responsibilities.

As far as I'm concerned all dogs are 'it' whether I happen to know their gender or not.

Well, if the OP was a visitor that would be different.

But if you live with someone, and one person wants a pet and the other doesn't, the one who doesn't wins out (or you leave the relationship if it's THAT much of an issue). Pets, and particularly dogs, involve work and inevitably the person who didn't want one will end up having to do some of that work - and in this case the OP's partner is out of the house all day so even if he wanted a dog, he wouldn't be there to do the work.

And if you are uncomfortable with the animal concerned, it's not fair. The person who wants one can get their fix elsewhere, by volunteering, or visiting friends with the animal they want, etc.

The impact of someone having an animal is far greater than the impact of not having one.

But that's not the issue here anyway.

I actually wouldn't mind if someone brought a rabbit or guinea pig to visit. although they might chew a cable

but I wouldn't have a dog in the house and I am allergic to cats - I will visit houses with cats but wouldn't have one in my house

Agreed.

I’m trying to get my brain to do the mental gymnastics here. Your husband’s ex has a new dog, which was not part of the family when he was married to her. She gets this dog, doesn’t sort out some kind of doggy daycare, and YOU become the doggy daycare because the kids want it. Hell no.

No way on earth is the dog your problem.

I love dogs so I'd be absolutely delighted if the kids brought their dog with them, but in no way are you obliged to say yes to this if you don't want a dog in your house! It's absolutely not your problem - as you say, if you wanted a dog you would have got a dog yourself. So YANBU at all.

My sister and her husband had two dogs of their own when BIL's ex bought her son a puppy (which he hadn't even asked for) and announced that he would be bringing it with him for the 50% of the time he was with my sister and BIL. My sister ended up agreeing because she knew the dog would be lonely and neglected for half the week if she didn't, but it was far from ideal as it was a very different type of dog from my sister's own dogs and had very different needs

Seriously, give it a fucking rest with the gotten thing. It is used on the whole island of Ireland and in Scotland. Every. Single. Day.