To say no more bringing the dog to our house

[Toopytoop]

My step kids mum has recently gotten a dog. She works nights and the children have started "wanting to bring their dog" when they come to ours. I suspect what is actually going on is she is starting to feel guilty leaving a dog by itself all night and so is encouraging the kids to desperately "want" to bring their dog with them here.

Aibu to say no more bringing the dog with them?

They stay 3 nights a week and DH goes to work early so I'm the one who ends up in the house all day with it or until their mum sometimes decides to pick it up on her way home in the mornings.

I don't think your unreasonable at all! If you'd wanted a dog, you'd have got your own.
The mother is the unreasonable one for getting a dog when she knows she works nights!
She's a CFer as well for not always picking up the dog on her way home!
Put your foot down now before it's much trickier to say no.

You need to get your excuses ready now as I can see you’re going to be the bad guy in this situation (even though you’re not).

Work means you’re unable after the dog (and that includes wfh)

Unsettling for dog to be live in two places, especially as they’ve only just got the dog so it’s still settling

Dog not house trained

life is too busy with school, clubs, children etc to have time for a dog.

etc

(I’m sure mn-better’s can think of better reasons)

Its funny how dh hs on board but he won’t be around to look after the dog!

Also, I can see ex conveniently not picking the dog up as she’s going to hairdressers, having a day out with friends, working extra etc. P art of me wonders whether she’s stealthily trying to get rid of the dog.

No way, that is so cheeky. What if you got a dog and then started sending him back to her with the kids ? Why don’t we add cats and budgies too. Anyway why wouldn’t she want the company of the dog when her kids are with you ? You are right it must be coming from her, because she would simply have to say to the kids no,the dog stays with me. She can arrange dog sitters or any other number of options that don’t involve taking advantage of you. Either way it’s not your problem .

I'm a dog owner and I think she's a massive cheeky fucker.

You need to tell her it's too much of an imposition and that it stops now.

I voted yabu. Not for not wanting the dog at yours- I totally get that. But I think you blaming the Ex is just a bit cliche and a typical “I hate his ex” response.

For me as a child I wanted to take my dog everywhere (still do 😅), I wouldn’t have needed any encouragement from mum to want my dog to come round my “other” house.

I'd tell your DH that the dog is no longer to come to your house because you didn't choose to have a dog nor want to look after it, and he needs to tell the ex wife that she needs to look after her own dog.

Just say it isn't going to happen. Full stop. Bloody cheek.

It probably wouldn’t bother me so I’d allow it. But you’re clearly under absolutely no obligation so just nip this in the bud now. Be prepared for upset children and for the potential to be the wicked step mum for a few weeks though!

You need to tell her asap that you can't do it any more as it's too much. If she doesn't want the dog left alone then she needs to pay someone to have it overnight, it is nothing to do with you. What a CF! The children will be absolutely fine, as you say it's probably just a convenient excuse to dump it on you.

The fact that you are calling the dog 'it' makes me far less sympathetic than I might be

Absolutely yanbu. You need to put your foot down and say no, every time until they/she gets the message. You should not have to have the dog in your home if you don’t want to and she should have thought things through before committing to dog ownership.

What does their father say about the arrangement?

@Copperoliverbear

i don’t have a dog cos I don’t want their hair and germs in my nice clean house

like fuck would I have my ex’s dog in my house

her dog , her responsibility

end of

Does that mean the OP should be looking after all the neglected kids in the town as well?

Don't be ridiculous, it's not the OP's responsibility.

People who gets pets need to think it though BEFORE they get them. Not try to palm them off on other people.

Are we meant to call them "they" nowadays

Don't be so ridiculous. It's not the OP's dog, the mum got the dog so have full responsibility. She should not have got a dog if it meant leaving the poor thing on it's own all night. The OP is not unreasonable to not want to take on the responsibly of someone else's when she has had no say in it what so ever.

Not sure it matters. The person who doesn't want a dog in the house gets the final say. Also the OP says he's at work.

This isn’t the OP’s dog so she doesn’t think of it as a person, more a creature that has been imposed on her. I would feel the same way.

Realistically, the OP needs to say that she isn’t happy with having to look after the dog NOW otherwise this becomes an established routine.

Or she can make a point of being out when the dog is there so it inconveniences her husband. If he is made late for work because of his ex wife’s dog, he’ll probably have plenty to say about it. Everyone loves the dog because it is only the OP who is put out by it.

YANBU. I would never permit a dog entrance to my house, they are filthy and smelly and my house is clean and fragrant. It's a nope from me!

I couldn’t countenance a dog being left alone all day and it doesn’t sound like a difficult dog so YABU.

Your username is appropriate.

Who owns the house? Sometimes colloquially people refer to “our house” when they mean the house they both live in, but it actually belongs to one party or the other. So I don’t think it is that simple. There’s too many variables here.

Beyond the OPs suspicion at the ex I can’t see any reason why it is the ex who is leading this- I just think if she was framing it as my step kids want to bring their dog with them when they come to stay at their dads house people might not be quite so sympathetic.

The OP has said that it is a 1 year old and a nutty breed, not chilled out. I think that sounds difficult.

Even if it were a chilled out dog, the OP doesn’t want it. If she lets this become a routine, she will have this dog for another 10 / 12 / 15 years (depending on the breed).

You all a dog he or she.
Is this hard?
So many miserable people about.

A dog is no more a person than a pig is (and I eat pork). It’s all right to refer to a dog you don’t own as “it”. The dog’s feelings won’t be hurt.