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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no more bringing the dog to our house

193 replies

Toopytoop · 26/03/2024 22:20

My step kids mum has recently gotten a dog. She works nights and the children have started "wanting to bring their dog" when they come to ours. I suspect what is actually going on is she is starting to feel guilty leaving a dog by itself all night and so is encouraging the kids to desperately "want" to bring their dog with them here.

Aibu to say no more bringing the dog with them?

They stay 3 nights a week and DH goes to work early so I'm the one who ends up in the house all day with it or until their mum sometimes decides to pick it up on her way home in the mornings.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 27/03/2024 02:32

m00ngirl · 26/03/2024 23:48

Well whilst you're within your rights to refuse, I would be mindful of the impact refusing, may have on the kids... in the interests of your family's harmony, the mum's wellbeing (she may not be making good choices but maybe she's a single mum trying to do right by her kids whilst working nights..?!), let alone the dog's welfare, and since it sounds like you're at home during the day anyway, I think I'd welcome the dog with open arms and help show the kids how to walk/feed/look after it properly.

in the interests of the dog welfare, perhaps it should be rehomed be rehomed if the ex can’t look after it. Yes the children will be upset for a while, but they’ll get over it.

KomodoOhno · 27/03/2024 03:19

SD1978 · 27/03/2024 00:21

The be kind to the stupid choices their mother has made, and make it work because it's your responsibility to ideology is insane. If IP got a dog, she could abandon it with the kids mother 4 days a week, because it's the kind thing to do, and the kids wanted it- yeah? Their mother made a stupid unthought out decision. It is not the OP's responsibility to now make that stupid decision work......

This. OP didn't get the dog. It's not her problem the dog is alone. Sad for the dog yes but still not her problem.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 27/03/2024 03:34

Copperoliverbear · 26/03/2024 22:49

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

Are you ok?

boysgrove · 27/03/2024 03:40

Wow. You've been nice enough by letting the dog stay at all, call it a day now love

ChellyT · 27/03/2024 03:47

Copperoliverbear · 26/03/2024 22:49

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

Because it isn't her dog! What about all the other dogs that have to stay home while their owners are out? Is she expected to put her hand up for them too? You are the unreasonable one!

TIASLC · 27/03/2024 03:53

TIASLC · 27/03/2024 01:54

I feel sorry for the dog and my kids wouldn’t actually want to leave our dogs for 3 nights a week. Oldest misses our dogs terribly when he’s at uni.

In this case though, the step mother has been irresponsible, but that’s not your problem. Does step mum sleep in the day presumably? When does the dog get company on those days? Again, not your problem. I’d do it for the dogs sake but you’re under no obligation here. SM should never have got a dog without a plan for how she’s look after the poor thing properly.

I meant mother not step mother!

AlpacalypseLlamaggedon · 27/03/2024 03:54

I would be very quickly discovering a dog allergy. I say that as a dog lover who can't have a dog currently due to our set up.

mathanxiety · 27/03/2024 03:55

Toopytoop · 27/03/2024 00:04

What happens if the poor single mum decides to get budgie next? Do I have to look after that for her wellbeing too?

You need to get a couple of hamsters who cry all night when they're away from the children.

pictoosh · 27/03/2024 05:46

Right so...I'd love to have a dog but unfortunately there's no one at home in the day...everyone is at school or work. It wouldn't be fair to the poor dog being left alone all day.

@Copperoliverbear you're not Edinburgh way by any chance? If so, I'll rethink. Thanks so much. 😊

SuperSange · 27/03/2024 06:22

I'd be interested to know what your husband says. What if it falls ill while you have it? Has an accident? Who'll pay for the vet?
For me, this would be a lesson for the kids that you do your research before getting any animal, about how it'll be looked after, how it fits with working patterns, before you get it. It doesn't become someone else's responsibility if you fuck up and can't manage it. She's taking the piss.

SparrowFeet · 27/03/2024 06:52

Poor dog. It's not your fault and you're not being unreasonable, but that poor dog. What were they thinking?

theduchessofspork · 27/03/2024 07:00

God no. Just say no from now.

fieldsofbutterflies · 27/03/2024 07:00

It's not your responsibility but if you didn't want the dog, why on earth did you agree to have it in the first place?

sunnylanding · 27/03/2024 07:07

Copperoliverbear · 26/03/2024 22:49

Yes you are being unreasonable, why an earth would you want to leave a poor animal alone all night, when you could have it at yours and look after it and make it feel safe.

I agree with the sentiment that a dog shouldn't be left all night, but it's not the OP's dog! She has no responsibility at all.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/03/2024 07:13

Say no now before this gets out of hand!

Don’t tell me your husband thinks you should be doing it…?!

Motomum23 · 27/03/2024 07:18

No way I would have a dog in my house. I don't like their mess. You are not unreasonable to put your foot down on this one OP. anyone who thinks otherwise is frankly bonkers.

sunstoked · 27/03/2024 07:19

If the children want to bring the dog with them personally, I would happily let them, but I love dogs and would enjoy the walks as a family. People saying the mum should have thought of this etc are assuming she is asking the kids to take it, no one knows that for sure. OP you are within your rights to say no and tell children/their mother you don’t want them bringing it - she will likely be fine with it and was just trying to keep the kids happy, if she’s not she will have to sort something else out. Keep in mind kids may be hurt/upset or annoyed you won’t let them bring their dog, but ultimately it’s your house so up to you.

AlaskaThunderfuckHiiiiiiiii · 27/03/2024 07:25

It would be a hard no from me and would have been the first time. I’m not a huge dog lover, don’t mind other peoples and giving them a fuss but wouldn’t want them in my house. The smells, potential for accidents inside etc, no

2Rebecca · 27/03/2024 07:41

Who looks after the children when she works nights when they aren't with you?

Newestname002 · 27/03/2024 07:44

Copperoliverbear · 26/03/2024 23:28

@Toopytoop I just feel if you can do a kind thing for someone or something you should.
The kids love their dog and he is now part of their family as are you.
I just feel if you do kind things eventually you get rewarded and if i could help someone I would.
I certainly would not want to leave a dog home alone all night, incase of fire, but that's just me.

I certainly would not want to leave a dog home alone all night, incase of fire, but that's just me.

Then its owner, the Ex, should have thought of that beforehand and, now that she has the dog, should make alternative arrangements which doesn't include the OP. It's not OP's responsibility to have anything to do with an animal which she doesn't want, not for any length of time and certainly not for the duration of the children's contact time. I'm sure if she'd wanted a dog she'd have bought one for herself. 🌹

forrestgreen · 27/03/2024 07:57

Tell your Dh that you both didn't have a discussion about getting a dog, that neither of you came up with the idea of wanting a dog so sorry I don't want someone else's dog here.

'Oh but the children will miss it..' well mum should have thought of that first or even had a basic discussion with us prior.

'Oh but it will be lonely' well mum should have thought of that first.

Etc

2Rebecca · 27/03/2024 07:58

I don't have dogs in my house

Original poster
Toopytoop · 27/03/2024 08:02

My husband is quite happy with the arrangement but he's a dog lover and wants one himself.

I don't even particularly mind dogs either but just not right now. There is too much going on in our home already with little kids, big kids, work etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
Toopytoop · 27/03/2024 08:03

And then I end up just resenting the poor thing being there.

It's about 1 year old I think and a nutty breed so not even a chilled out dog.

OP posts:
PollyPeachum · 27/03/2024 08:09

@Copperoliverbear The kids love their dog and he is now part of their family as are you.
To be thought of as ranking in a family as the dog's equal must be one of the worst insults ever.
You should apologise