Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

Unplug the router. If there's no internet and he's watching porn doomscrolling, he won't take so long.

I’d be hammering on that door after ten minutes and keep on hammering every few minutes until he comes out.

Tell him it’s not good to sit on the toilet so long, it can cause a bowel prolapse.

People always suggest turning off the wifi for things, doesn’t anyone have data?!?!

I've told DP that if he dies in there it'll be days before I start to think something's wrong.

That's made me really upset. I can't stand when men have no regard for their partners or children.

We have one toilet, DH loves a good 'sit and scroll' (don't ask, god knows the appeal) on the toilet but he knows this can only happen on an evening when kids are in bed and I've had a wash and been to toilet. Otherwise he has to take a normal amount of time like everyone else.

Oooh I should have called it 'shit and scroll' - just occurred to me 😂

How about just leaving him to it.....how bizarre. 😮

In that case I feel sorry for him!

To the people saying it’s about wanking- it’s not necessarily that.
My DH takes up to an hour (!) on the loo every morning, even if we’ve just had sex.
Plus he WFH on his own all day, there’s no one else here, so he could wank anytime he wanted.

Mine says he wants to make sure all the poo is out so he doesn’t have to go back to the toilet the same day(?!). I pointed out two sets of 5 minute toilet visits is a more efficient use of time than one visit of a whole hour but he just looked blankly at me.

Annoyingly my 8 year old son has started doing this, easily 30 mins a day 😩 No phone, no clue clue what he's doing in there, and he can't explain it 🤦

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant totally agree with @Nicole1111 about a phone ban in the bathroom. I’m murder for going in the bathroom and then reading a book on my phone… I have stoped taking the phone into the bathroom now so I don’t get side tracked by it.

It would be interesting to see if no phone in the bathroom made his visits shorter.

I'd be getting a Portaloo installed in the back garden! With his initials on.
Maybe my dh hurries as he's so keen to get back to his warm spot on the sofa and search for any programme to do with cars. But he certainly doesn't linger for half an hour.
And I've trained him to clean up, open window, spray air freshener so

Is he boiling your piss in the bathroom? No wonder he takes a while! :)

If I've understood this properly then:

1. You have a condition that means you sometimes need to urgently use the toilet.
2. Your partner is aware of your condition.
3. Your partner likes to sit on the toilet for ages for reasons unknown but not for obvious medical needs.
4. Your partner refuses to get off the toilet when you or your kids desperately need to go.
5. There is only one toilet.
6. Your kids have had to toilet in the garden several times because of your partner.
7. Such has been your need to use the toilet and his refusal to get off it, on several occasions you've had to shit in a plastic bag in a derelict goat shed in your garden.
8. Your partner seems fine with the current state of affairs.

Sounds like you need a grown up conversation with him where you spell out (probably again!) the upset this is causing you and where you ask him to adapt for the sake of his kids and you. If he's still unwilling to get his arse off the bog for just a few minutes then, sadly, I think your problem is him and not just his toilet habits 😕

Put in a compost toilet in the garden (for him)