Husband pooping

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

I'm so frustrated with how long my husband spends in the bathroom. It's 30-40 mins a day, sometimes longer or in 2 long sessions. He assured me this is normal, and so do all the men I know.

I'm convinced there is a worldwide conspiracy between men to gaslight women into believing it's normal to spend hours a week in the bathroom.

Am I crazy?

I've read all the things about escapism, but he has his own space that the kids and I mostly stay out of, he has plenty of alone time. I know he's messing on his phone in there. But he claims he is pooping the whole time. I don't believe him.

For context, I am a SAHM and we have 3 kids, so I do the lion's share of the housework and child care. He does do his part outside of working hours and is a very involved Dad.

I try not to disturb him while he's pooping but we only have one toilet and he chooses the most inconvenient times to go. Frequently when we are getting ready to go somewhere, etc.

It's really aggravating me. The other day he couldn't finish up for ages and I ended up having to go to in the garden because I was so desperate.

I think he needs to see a Dr, but he assured me all men are like this. Indeed, many of my female friends have similar complaints. Who is crazy here?!

What happened when you banged on the door to tell him to get off the loo because you needed it desperately?? He needs to be aware what he’s doing- surely you told him? Any decent man would have jumped straight off.

Yep. Slopes off, sometimes mid conversation, for a solid 20-30 minutes twice a day, morning and evening. I’ve asked if there is a problem, he looked at me as if I was crazy.

I don’t want to think about what takes all that time.

YABU to say pooping. YANBU about his disappearance for so long. I assume he's just wanting to check out for a while and thinks you can't 'give out' to him when it's toileting. I'm wondering how he doesn't get pins and needles though 🤔

My personal theory is that this is a mix between a poor diet and a behavioural thing. So taking longer to go due to diet (rather than it just coming regularly when its ready), combined with a self-indulgent hanging around on the loo whilst waiting. In contrast a woman with the same diet would carry on with life until she was sure she was going to go quickly. (Both men and women with the right diet will just go quickly when they need to.)

No idea if this is scientifically sound!

I thought DH was avoiding life at first by spending so long in the toilet but then DS came along and he's exactly the same and only 11! They both take bloody ages and it does my head in.

They both have a routine and I do wonder if they both just sit and wait for it to happen rather than wait until they feel the urge.

I'm pretty sure once the phone isn't in the bathroom, he won't be either
This 👆

My DH goes 3 times a day. He spends about 30 minutes in there at a time.

Perhaps he's after a bit of peace and quiet.

@Excited101

He said he was wiping but I just couldn't wait

My husband is the same

My DH has used his bathroom time to become near fluent in Japanese. Why? I don’t know!

My dad is a 30-40 minuter. I have no idea what he does in there (we've pondered over the years!) - he isn't on a phone but sometimes he will take in something to read. I remember from my childhood that the seat would be pretty warm for minutes afterwards (and the bathroom smelly). He also insisted that he was only having a poo. The last home they lived in with only one loo they left when I was 12. Fortunately I have married a 5 minuter.

Ha! True.
So they spend so long at home because the environment is too appealing?

Productive goodness!

YABVU for saying “pooping” 😅. However, joking aside, you having to defecate in the garden is appalling. There’s something really degrading about the prospect of that STILL not galvanising your DH.

My late father would take newspaper in the toilet and spend an hour in there.

DH never spends more a few minutes in the loo.

Why is everyone so scandalized that I said pooping? Haha. What should I say instead?

I've never timed my dh but he is in there forever. I don't think he's faking it as his alarm goes off at 5.30 am to factor in his humongous shit, and he's always complaining about how early he has to get up. Really pisses me off at the weekend as he is so set in his ways he won't be ready to help with the kids until he's had his poo (he is otherwise a good dad/husband, but can't do anything pre poo!). Sometimes he has an afternoon poo too. Luckily we have more than one toilet. Sometimes I just go sit on the loo to get my own alone time!

I'm sorry to be cried but if my husband was desperate I'd get up unwiped and woddle out- once the door shut I'd wipe with my knickers and throw the underwear away. No way would I put him on so disgraceful a situation as to shit in the garden. I couldn't live with myself. And confident vice versa

How does he feel that you reduced your self to this because of him? Is he ashamed? Has he at least apologised?

Taking a shit...

Also, that's not ok. Take his phone off him or have the kids bang on the door

*To be crude

Pooing. Taking a dump. Shitting. (I do accept that my irritation at pooping is not entirely rational!)

You’re not alone, OP. I’ll never forget when I had to take a wee in my toddlers potty because my partner was taking so long to wipe his arse! He spends agesss in there, on his phone and it drives me nuts!

@catscalledbeanz

Yes, he apologized and felt bad. To be fair to him, once I need to go I don't have long haha.

I suppose I had enough time to gather my supplies to go in the garden as it's happened before so I was forming a plan while waiting on case I had to use the emergency backup!!